Life and my journey in it

Valentines day

2012-02-14T10:04:00.001-05:00

Happy Valentines Day! I don't really get into commercialized holidays, but this year I am loving the opportunity to show some creative love to my valentine. While we are waiting to 'celebrate' until the weekend, I am looking forward to just spending some time together.

I am so thankful for this man in my life. My husband is truly a special gift from God and I see Jesus in him.

What more can a woman need or desire than a man that is leading, loving and providing with God as the heartbeat of his life?

We have been married 6 years now, we have one precious son, one precious baby due in August, and many many wonderful memories of silly, happy, meaningful times together. Marriage is a lifetime journey that we truly celebrate together. Happy valentines day to my one true valentine, my dear husband. And happy valentines to my littlest valentine, my son :) And while I may be too sick to bake up some special treats this year, I look forward to just being together, it's really the best thing in the world!

Have a very love filled day/week- whenever you celebrate!

um happy new year

2012-01-27T18:38:00.001-05:00

Yes, so I can see it's been over a month since I posted here, and it may be that long until I do again. These days I am not feeling up to writing in my blog. I am not feeling up to doing much of anything actually.
Because of this morning sickness!
We praise God for this gift that he has given us- baby #2. What an amazing thing it is to sit and watch the heart beating of a new little tiny life inside of you.
Our first appointment was yesterday and by God's grace and mercy He sustained me to be able to get through driving and sitting through that appointment. These days have left me housebound with Oliver as my sickness lingers all day long, progressively getting worse as the day goes on. Driving makes it worse. These are definitely the hard days and I have not been able to do much. But I can think of that little life growing away and I know that is cause for it all and I praise God again, no matter how queasy I feel.
I'm eagerly anticipating the days of feeling better, but I am mindful that this phase will end and that is encouraging- there will be an end!
It was surreal to be there yesterday looking at the little baby on the screen.
Before I went my mind had plenty of time to think of all the things that could go wrong, as I am in the first trimester. The moment we waited for the wand to pick up that tiny baby felt long....until there it was, the tiny little body with a tiny little heartbeat cheerfully ticking away. Oh the joy of hearing life is like nothing else!
Jonah and I are excited about this new little one, and we are excited to watch Oliver take on the role of big brother. He is going to be great, and the love he shows to us now will only grow as he shares it with his sibling. We have been telling him about the baby and he finally started saying "baaabeey" very clearly back to us. So sweet it is to hear him say that, even though I'm sure he has no idea what exactly the baby in mommy's belly is. When he saw the screen yesterday with the little baby, he pointed and said, "baby". So maybe he does know more than we think :).
So this is the latest in our household. I don't do very much, I try hard to get meals together, Oliver taken care of in the days, and pretty much lounge at night. It is nice to get out sometimes to see the outside world- but for now I am okay just being able to be at home.
Last time I was working full time and I well remember those early mornings and how tough it was to get up and get going when I was fighting nausea. Thank you God that I am home with Oliver, where I can lay down at the worst.
Perhaps my next post will be one with a stronger stomach. For now, I'll just be here, hanging in there!

9+ weeks

Little boy

2011-12-06T22:56:00.001-05:00

Little boy when did you grow up so fast? Did I mention I love being home with him? Love these days and I wouldn't trade them for a 40 hour week paid job any day. Thank you Lord for the blessing of being a mom.

a little flour, 18 months

2011-12-02T20:42:00.001-05:00

Our little Oliver turned 18 months old today- wow we now have a little year and a half year old. Halfway to 2!
Some favorite things that he has started doing this past month: peek a boo has been a game he's enjoyed for a long time but he just started doing it himself. He'll put his little hands over his eyes and hold them there...until we come move them. He'll laugh as we say "peek a boo!" it's so darn funny because he doesn't quite get the part that he needs to move his hands!
He's also started touching our faces when he says our names. He'll say, "mama" and reach up and touch my cheek. He started doing this when my parents came to visit us. My mom asked him where grandma was and he reached up and touched her face. How sweet that memory is! Thanks for giving that gift to your grandma Oliver!
He has also started talking to himself more and laughing too. I'll hear him gabbering away with his toys then he'll chuckle and gabber some more. It's so funny to hear him and wonder what in the world is going through his head.
He has also started to outgrow his second nap. I am so thankful we scheduled him early on to have a sleep, eat, play pattern as it really seemed to teach him what to expect. He goes to bed without any problem, as well as naps. However I am thinking it's time to start putting him on just one nap a day. He will take a morning nap and quite often here lately when I put him down for his afternoon nap he'll talk and talk and talk, take his socks off, throw them out of the crib, talk, turn on his sleep sheep- cry if it's on the whale noises (not sure why but he hates that sound, he prefers the rain), I'll go in and turn it off, lay him down and finally towards the end of nap time, he'll fall asleep. In which case I usually have to wake him up if it's getting close to dinner time. So I think we will be converting to one long nap.
We are also working on some training sessions with Oliver. Teaching him to be still and quiet throughout the day, to teach him to listen. He's been doing great with these 5 minute training sessions and has learned to sit still quietly- usually sucking his thumb.
We've also been working on shapes, counting, and colors for the past couple months. This month (actually 17 months) he finally recognized the four shapes I was teaching him. It was an exciting realization to me to see that he really knew what each shape was. After months of nothing (which was okay, I don't pressure him to learn, we have fun) he just suddenly knew them. It was encouraging to me to see that the time we spend looking at letters, numbers, shapes and colors is now starting to click in his mind.
He has also really started to mimic us- a lot. He has learned animal sounds: sheep, dog, cat, lion, gorilla, monkey, cow, horse, rooster (this one is hilarious and sounds like 'goodle-oodle-oo), and a duck.
There is never a dull moment here in our house!

oliver is 18 months and loves peek a boo!

But moving right along here... today was just like any other day. I treasure each day at home with this little guy. Even if he follows me around when I need to be in the kitchen. I decided that I would give him something new to explore while I baked bread.
Our kitchen has laminate flour so I had Oliver sit down and plopped a bowl with some flour in it right in front of him.
He poked one little finger in it and looked up at me and grinned. This new texture was pretty exciting and I could see his little mind taking it in. He was cautious to play with it, almost expecting me to say no, don't touch. But I encouraged him to touch it, and gave him a spoon to swirl it around.
Oh my.
What a fun thing this was!
The next thing I knew he had dumped it on the ground and was happily playing in it, as well as tapping the spoon on the bowl.
The belly laughing! I didn't expect him to be as thrilled as he was, and it was so much fun to watch him laugh at the joy of flour.
I ran to get the camera so I could take some pictures for Jonah. I am so glad I did. I treasure these shots- you can see the gleam in his eyes from it all.
What a fun little boy we have!

thanksgiving

2011-11-27T13:23:00.001-05:00

I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. God is so good, so loving, so gracious and so giving to me that it's often overwhelming. How much He loves us!
This year was special for several reasons, one was the fact that my parents were able to come visit us over the holiday. This in itself was a direct answer to prayer. I had been asking God to somehow be able to see them soon- for Oliver to meet his grandpa. The answer came through some friends of ours that offered their sky miles to us- so that we could fly my parents in. How amazing it is when you know that God gave you a very clear answer. He provided a way and took care of all the details.
It was very special to see my mom and dad in the airport, and to have Oliver welcome them with a hug. Very special memories that we will always cherish- we even have it on video.
These younger years in our sons life seem to fly by too quickly. It has made me realize how important it is to stop and enjoy the simple moments, and to remember to see things through his eyes. What may not seem all that exciting to me, may be something that completely thrills him! Jonah and I are slowly starting our own traditions that we can share with Oliver (and any future children in our lives).
I loved the time with family though, it went smoothly for the most part, and we all had a great time together. We also welcomed my sister and her daughter into our home for part of the week as well. A full house of family for sure! It was so nice to catch up with everyone and just spend time together.
The Thanksgiving dinner was my first- first time cooking it ALL anyways. I was happy to have my mom there to help me prepare everything, she has many years of experience at this, and I came to appreciate that even more after I finished all the cooking and baking for the day!
Did you know turkeys come with a little flap of skin to tuck over the legs? Gross yes, but also very handy when you are roasting the bird! Our turkey came out golden brown and was moist and delicious!

oliver was hanging out in the kitchen waiting while we prepared the big meal

And even though it took some work and time, I was happy with how everything came out, it was delicious. Everyone seemed to enjoy the food and we had a lot of leftovers that carried over into sandwiches, soup and more to come! Pie is always wonderful to have leftover too since I don't make pies that often. A yummy treat.

Our menu: herb roasted turkey, cornbread sausage stuffing, sweet potato casserole, cheesy mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped green beans, whole wheat rolls, cranberry sauce, green and black olives, cran-apple pie and pumpkin pie.
Yum.

I have much to be thankful for as I mentioned earlier, and this bountiful table filled with savory delicious foods is one big thing to give thanks to God for. His provision is so evident. As I looked around that table at those beside me I can see God's hand on us. It is so evident that He will take care of us. I am reminded of this when I think back over this past week. I don't take for granted the food on our table, and the roof over our head. I know that there are so many in the world that go without because they don't have a choice. And I am mindful of this as we head into the next holiday season.
Each year I feel like I am prodded to do more for others, to give more, to love more, to be less selfish...and it seems I fail. I get wrapped up in the spirit of Christmas as forget the very reason we celebrate this upcoming day.
I pray that as we leave Thanksgiving behind we don't forget how much we have in our lives that we are thankful for. Our freedom, both physically and spiritually, our shelter, our food, our family, friends, clothing, salvation, and our relationship with Christ. To whom much is given, much is required. May I not miss what is required of me!

thank you Lord for this special reunion and abundant meal

thank you Lord for black olives!

reason to celebrate, seeing my mom and dad!

Happy Thanksgiving!

sickies

2011-11-19T13:47:00.001-05:00

Well it's been quite a week.
We've all been sickie sickies here at home.
It started Monday night when we heard Oliver crying in his crib only to discover he had thrown up. I was hoping it was something he'd eaten and not that dreaded virus that threatens to turn everyone in the family ill.
Well it was the latter.
I ended up sick a couple days later, followed by Jonah the day after me.
It was not fun.
Cleaning up after Oliver was tough, but not as hard with my sweet husband right beside me. Five times we had to get up and get Oliver, strip him, the bed and put him back down with wonder that he may or may not throw up again. Vomit is a hard thing to deal with- at least for me. It makes me queasy to even think about it, let alone see it. But God is gracious and provided a wonderful mate in my life that jumps right in without hesitation, and we got through it.
I am also so thankful we weren't all sick at one time with a little 1 1/2 year old underfoot. We were able to trade off watching Oliver while one of us was upstairs sick. Right about the time I was recovering, Jonah became sick so we swapped places.
Now here we are on the tail end, recovering. It was a rough sickness as our appetites are still not where they normally are. It kind of just lingers on.
I was able to disinfect the house yesterday, and today I'm cleaning our bedding again. I may run through and clean the house again in a couple days.
Because it's Thanksgiving week!
I have MUCH to be thankful for, but this week we are welcoming my parents into our home. A long awaited visit that was orchestrated right down the very details by God.
This is another post that is sure to come sometime soon.
For now just another day at home, resting up and playing with a very bouncy happy little boy.

new fascination with his sunglasses!

going on strike

2011-11-12T19:21:00.001-05:00

For some reason months 16 and 17 in the life of our son have brought on some new behavior.
Dinner strike.
I'm not sure what it is exactly about dinner time, the food is still good, colorful appetizing. And Oliver loves to eat.
Breakfast- favorite for him.
Lunch- gone just as quick.
But dinner.
Alas dinner hour brings a challenge. To EAT. Maybe it's the lateness of the hour. 5 o'clock may be late to some you know.
Maybe it's the evenings fare. Although I don't claim to be a fancy or gourmet cook.
Maybe it's the approaching bed time that seems to cloud Oliver's mind and distracts him to the point of just saying no to food.
Whatever it may be, we have found ourselves searching for ways to encourage him to eat. I understand that he will not starve if he sits through and entire meal staring at his food, only to have his tray cleared away at the end, touched or untouched by him.
But if it's becoming a nightly ritual for him I can't allow him to skip too many times. After all this seems to be developing into a pattern.
And so on this particular night he was given his dinner- fish cakes, green beans and mashed potatoes along with a baked apple.

Well the apple was of course the one thing that he wanted. Great to eat fruit, but not until the rest of the food has been eaten. Sweets (apples with cinnamon and sucanat ) are desserts.

So we tried removing the apple from sight. To no avail.
And we brought the apple back in, within view, with the rest of his food on his tray.
The approach this time- and no I don't believe you can reason with a 17 month old, that is not our parenting style- was choice.

Our conversation, " Oliver you have to eat these green beans and fish before you can have apple".
And guess what?
He started shoveling in those greens so fast we had to slow him down. Hand over fist, bean after bean and a frantic pointing at the apple when he arrived at the last bean. He was saying " dis, dis, dis!" his word for "this", while pointing at the apple hoping he could now have a delicious bite of that wonderful food!
A bite of apple later, we had him eat all of his fish before he was given the rest of his apple.
I still can't believe that he understood the concept of logic and reason. He is 17 months old.
We have to be careful here about approaching this sort of thing. We don't want him to learn that he will always receive a reward for obeying, because he won't. Encouragement and praise yes, but not special treats.
But you know what? As new parents, being first time at so many things is challenging. What exactly is the best approach for .....well whatever new situation we encounter. It's tough, and very much a daily learning experience and a daily dependence on God for wisdom in the moments!
And throughout all of it, he ate his dinner.

Operation Christmas Child- our box

2011-11-12T15:57:00.001-05:00

Well we did it. We successfully wrapped and packed our box for Operation Christmas Child this year. It was fun shopping for items as I had to be creative with dollars that went towards it. I was able to pick up mostly almost free items using coupons and sales at some nearby stores. I found that my Rite Aid had some great deals (believe it or not) when you take advantage of items on sale with what they call "UP's" on items that equal store dollars.
Having collected all our items we sat down and wrapped the box. I think that was probably the hardest part of the whole project. It's not easy to cleanly wrap a box bottom and lid separately. I found gaps in the corners and covered those with more tape and paper.
Oh well, at least it's now wrapped, and I did the best I could. I know one thing- those corners are NOT coming unwrapped on route to it's destination!
I reallly wanted Oliver to watch and help as much as he could. I know at 17 months his helping may be more like orchestrating on my part but it was fun to have there. I know if we continue to do this yearly (I'm thinking it will be a great tradition to start) he will become more aware of what we are doing and be able to join in more.
The wrapping was a process, but we did it. Oliver helped tape it up, sort of. I think he was weirded out by the stickiness of the tape.
I then had him help me fill it up with our items.
Unfortunately when it came time to put the shiny red car in, he didn't want to let go of it. I know it was a wonderful car to play with for his little hands, but after some tears and encouragement, and me stepping in to drop it in...we finished it. (Perhaps we can look for a shiny little car for him for Christmas)
Oliver helped push the lid down.
Jonah willingly took some photos of us.
And I'm excited to send it out! I'm thankful for some images from this process as I'm excited to be able to do something small for a child in the world that has little to nothing this Christmas.
I well remember the faces of all those kids in the DR and how they simply had nothing. What a wonderful blessing it is to be able to give. And we can all give.

Milestone

2011-11-11T09:45:00.001-05:00

Today is a special day.
Veterans Day, yes. I am so thankful for those that sacrificed sooo much for me to enjoy the liberties I do.
Happy Birthday too- to my older sister, who lives far far away as a missionary overseas. I love her and I'm so thankful for her in my life!
But today also marks a milestone for me. 11/11/11, what a perfect day to celebrate my completion of reading through the Bible this year!
I started out at the beginning of the year with determination and hope that I would finish. In all my life I was never able to say I had read through this dear Book from God. I had never finished it cover to cover.
As it happened, I was reading a fellow bloggers post and she shared a Bible reading plan that she had just finished. I clicked the link, downloaded it, printed it and that was it. I began my reading.
I really loved the plan as it lets you check each box as you finish, giving a real sense of satisfaction :)
I have to say that it was wonderful reading through it all. God spoke to me in different passages and verses, and my printout of my plan is filled with scratchings and scribbles of verses that meant so much for so many different reasons. Now I look back over my plan and I am really glad I took some notes of different verses- I will save it for future reference as I again read through His Word.
So, why not begin again? It's been such a huge blessing to read through it daily. Sometimes I missed a day or two, but it was easy to get back on track and the plan helped me refocus and follow through.
My next goal is to read through in chronological order. The Bible isn't actually laid out this way, so reading in chronological will be interesting indeed. It's a history book after all and I think it will be interesting to read it as it all took place.
But I may not do that just yet, I may wait until the New Year...and I may not.
My thoughts right now are to do some studying over the next couple months, maybe focusing on a certain passage. I'm not sure what it will be yet. I'm praying for some guidance here.
One area that I have been really wanting to dive into personally is to become more learned about Theology. To know more about His Word, to have more knowledge.
In my church we have a women's Bible study every other week and I have really really enjoyed it. It's been a rich time of learning, and many of the women that share have been given so much godly wisdom, not because of their laziness, but because of their diligence in the Word.
One lady encouraged us to become diligent in studying the Bible. To be theological. Sure our husbands may be this, but why do we as women think it's too hard, too complicated to dive in and really study?
I feel I use that excuse in my own life- the books written about doctrine, beliefs ect. can be a bit daunting. So I remain in the dark.
Is this right?
To further challenge us, my friend also went onto say that we are teachers in our own homes. Raising our children, guiding them in the way they should go, and also being there to give an answer to Bible questions. We are counsellors to our husbands, the ones they seek out when they are needing encouragement, and wisdom in life.
We are also called to offer encouragement, wisdom, and sometimes strong guidance to friends that need it, and how in the world can we do all this if we are not seeking out His wisdom?
To me this was something I felt convicted about. How can I possibly think I can offer council of any sort if I'm not studying what His Word says? I don't want to be the one to offer worldly advice to others.
And so, I have been challenged in this area personally. To dive in, to absorb. Who says it's too late to learn? Thats foolish. You can always start right where you are- and I think God will bless your efforts.
If you would like to read my reading plan it's found here.

Giving a gift for Operation Christmas Child

2011-11-08T08:03:00.001-05:00

Operation Christmas Child.
It's that time of year.
I hear about this every year. And yet that's all it ever amounts to. I just hear it and go on with our lives. Ho hum.
Well this year I actually stopped, clicked on the link (not sure where I saw it posted online, I think a fellow blogger) and read about what all it entailed.
After I read through what all is involved I was surprised at how relatively simple- easy it was to make a shoebox for a child. And what a fun box to pack. This year they are even offering a tracking option in which you pay $7 to allow tracking on your box. You can see where in the world your box ends up- which is pretty cool.
I know we don't have extra (well, isn't that an understatement compared to the rest of the world?), but we are to be generous with what we have, and I'm going to shop smart to pick up some items to fill up a box for a special child somewhere out in the world!
The collection week is coming up quick (November 14-21) so we don't have a lot of time to pack a box, but really a shoebox can't take that much time.
I'm so excited to do this as a family and even though Oliver doesn't really understand, perhaps it will be a new tradition for us.
I love this time of year!

coupons?

2011-11-04T09:16:00.001-04:00

I have been diligently working away at couponing, meal planning and grocery lists this past week.
All of which are not exactly something I would choose to do willingly. I really have a hard time with each of these. But I have been challenged lately to work harder at these things because they are some thing I not only need to do but must do. They are my responsibility.
My job, given by God, is to run the home. To be the home maker. Not lead the home- that is my husband's God given gift, but to organize and efficiently keep it in order. It's something I think some women shy away from, or procrastinate or somehow justify not doing for the sake of so many excuses. I fit right in there.
It's easy to put other things ahead of these tasks that, well are not exactly my favorite. I have laundry to finish, a little boy to teach, emails to respond to, bathrooms to clean, meals to cook...and on goes my list.
Yes these items need to be done too, but along with the ones that I well, dislike.
But I know that I am more than capable, and God is willing to help with each task He has expected me to do.
I'm not a failure. In fact I can be pretty determined when I set my mind to doing something. Firm even.
So I jumped in this past week. I knew the road before me would be long and frustrating as I planned out meals, researched sales and coupons and wrote my grocery list.
And guess what? I finished it. (meal plan here if you'd like to look)
I was determined to finish no matter how long it took. And I did. Thank you God for helping.
I prayed over the time I invested as I headed to the store and I feel God blessed the efforts I put in.
Will it get easier? I am hoping so. I'm starting to see a reason to all the madness.
Meal plans= less stress each day, less money on store trips, and more time for other things. So it does make sense. I think I forget that planning always equals more time in the long run.
And the coupons.
I struggled using coupons for the fact that I try hard to keep our foods more whole food based, or with as little processed foods as possible. It's tough to do this on a small budget but also with coupons as so many of them are for boxed, canned, packaged processed junk that really shouldn't even be on the shelves, because of the unhealthy things that are in them. (thinking of sugary cereals, microwave meals...etc.)
But I was again challenging myself to find the best deals, whole food or organic, without stocking up on things that were unhealthy.
The first thing I did when I was researching coupon deals was to look for all the free things. By free I mean the things that you end up getting free when you use the coupons combined with sales. Now these items can often be junk items if they are food, but not always. Free things were also toiletries or paper products such as toothpaste, kleenex, cough drops, soaps etc. When I saw those as free I knew that even if we didn't use some of them, I could still pick them up and donate them to others. Now that is awesome! Also, some of the freebies actually make you a little money when you have coupons that pay for it, with overage. So even if you don't use the items, buy them to make the little overage and donate them.
After I found all the free items and made sure I had the coupons necessary (that's key), I then looked at sales for things we could use.
After shopping between Kroger and Publix (they are minutes from each other where I live) I was able to stock up on some great items including: organic soup, organic broths, organic granola, annie's mac and cheese, natural eggs, salsa for cheap! I also picked up some other basic groceries including produce, which I could spend a little more on with the savings. I picked up a turkey for a great deal at .79 lb for Thanksgiving. Overall between the two stores I spent roughly $58 or so. $19 at Publix (saving over $19) and $38 at Kroger (saving $25 or so).
Also for the free things I headed out to Kroger on a special trip just for those. My total from that trip? I was paid over $7 back. That was pretty awesome. I think that was what encouraged me to try a little harder at coupons. A word of encouragement- you can coupon, save and still buy healthy good food for your family.
Shop sales, in season, and stock up when you have coupons combined with sales on good foods. I thought it was kind of like hoarding to stock, but you want to buy a bunch when it's at it's lowest price so that you are well stocked until the next sale. And I don't greedily buy things we don't use. If something is free, I'll pick it up to donate if we don't use it.
It's a lot of fun to chip away at our budget and get things as low as I can. We don't have wiggle room when it comes to going over so I have to shop smart, there isn't an option here!
Here are the groceries from my two grocery trips:

Also I stick to one site for all this- www.southernsavers.com
I think this helps me tremendously, otherwise I'd be all over the internet searching for sales.
I also shop at Aldi for things, and CVS- but that's another story for another day.
Be encouraged women, you were made for the calling God has on your life- being a home maker, managing all the tasks at home, training up your children, what a huge blessing and honor it is! You are capable of doing all this too, with God's help, don't give up.
Psalm 128:2
For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
I also like the translation in the ESV that says:
You shall eat of the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you.

So don't give up! It will be worth it.

wedding, family, and beach fun

2011-11-04T08:21:00.001-04:00

We've been busy this past month.
Oliver had his first long car ride. First trip to the beach too. And first time sitting through a wedding. My brother in law got married to a lovely new sister in law, so we made the drive to Florida last week...wait, I mean the week before that (what day is this?). The 7 hour car ride started to get a little hairy at the end, but overall Oliver did great. And he successfully sat quietly through the wedding- my biggest fear. I was praying for him and for me :) My sister in law saved the day with some goldfish crackers. I have never given him these (I'm pretty choosy about what he eats, and I try to avoid processed foods whenever we can). BUT let me just say, thank you Jesus for goldfish crackers. They were a wonderfully quieting food. And Oliver sat and chomped while I held him in the back, and watched the ceremony.
The reception was at a Bed and Breakfast that had a lovely little outdoor area for tables and dancing. We stayed there overnight that last night and loved it. It was my second time staying at a B&B and I have got to say I am loving the experience you get at them, in comparison to a hotel. The personal attention and the food....oh my the food!...is always sooo good. My mind had visions of Jonah and I running our own little B&B somewhere tucked away...minus all the work, time and patience it must take to make it work! It just looks like such a fun job to meet so many people in their own walks of life and to cook too...
I think I was drooling a little over the massive kitchen that the owner cooked all our food in! I am so thankful for our own home, and our own kitchen, I truly am, but it was fun to take in all the space, the deep sinks, huge stainless steel fridge and ginormous center island. Think of all the meals you could make- at once!
We also had such a great time staying with family and visiting with everyone. It's not often we all get to get together on Jonah's side, so it made it even more special.
Oliver loved seeing everyone, exploring new spaces (hmm, must take after Jonah who easily adapts to change and traveling) and playing with his cousins. His first experience at the beach was a lot of fun too, he loved it. Loved the water, loved the shells, loved the sand- and ate it too.
It was sad to say goodbye to the time away, to family. But we were thankful it went so well, and thankful we could be there.
Great memories! We have many photos from the week, too many to post. I'll have to add some photos in another post, such sweet ones!

Oliver's messes

2011-10-11T08:24:00.000-04:00

Love this boy.
He is really getting into everything now, and it's hilarious!

I came into the living room the other day to find this. Oliver had taken every book out of his book bin. He was quietly reading along...so THAT's why he was so quiet!

campout

2011-10-11T08:21:00.000-04:00

Busy Busy.
Oliver is all over the place now, walking away. He is getting faster and faster and it is sooo much fun watching him! My days are definitely not dull- never a dull moment!
I love being at home with him. Every day is confirmation of this and I thank God for the privilege.
We celebrated Jonah's 29 birthday this past weekend. Such fun.
My goal was to be creative in my gift to him. So after some brainstorming I decided to create a sort of scavenger hunt.
I called a friend of ours and asked if they would mind if we borrowed their tent over the weekend. Then I shopped for a few special things Jonah liked, and placed them around the house, so that he would find them on his birthday. The tent idea was for us to have our own little campout. I purchased s'more supplies and put them in a basket with some matches and candles and his headlamp. I scurried over to my friends house to pick up the tent, came back and set it up.
Another little surprise was a box of popcorn with an old classic movie I borrowed from the library. A little Bob Hope and a bag of popped corn, sounds like a lovely night.
I then made clues for each of these two gifts, hid the gifts and had Jonah find them. The first clue he found was the popcorn and movie- that was for that night as his birthday was on a Thursday. The next clue was the basket of outdoorsy stuff that lead him outide- where the tent was set up. We broke into that on Friday night and 'camped out' in the tent. What a fun couple of nights!
I loved surprising Jonah and he had a lot of fun celebrating his birthday.
I would love to do surprises like this more often, they are worth it, and the time with Jonah was definitely the best part of all.

apple/blackberry pie

finding his campout clues!

Oliver loved the tent!

we also had sparklers at our campout

Add caption

nothing like s'mores, yum!

thanks

2011-10-03T21:11:00.001-04:00

Thea Speaks-thankfulness

I started this post with a link to a friends blog.
Why?
Because it's the very thing I really needed to hear right about now.
What a day.
The weekend really led up to today I suppose.
We had a garage sale and it was a success. But the success was after many days of planning, prepping, praying...hmm, and I can't think of any other 'p' words to throw in there.
It was a full day, and I was so thankful we were able to share our driveway space with friends of ours- who also sold a bunch of their own stuff. I think it made the overall sale look fuller, and it was soo much more fun having them there to hang out with us all day. We walked away with a nice chunk of money from it, so thankful for God's provision through it.
But it was pretty tiring.
I didn't realize how much so until today. I crammed too much into one day. That's the truth. Today I thought I would 'catch up' on so many things- meal plans, grocery shopping (I did get these items done) cleaning, laundry...
I hardly felt like I really got ahead, or a start, on any of these to do items. And today Oliver was on strike for naps. And for good behavior. Sigh.
I love my little boy, but today I did not understand what was going on with him.
Jonah had a day off today, which was so much fun- if we had been able to have done something fun together! I feel like I ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off, trying to work at this and that and never getting it all done. Have you ever felt like that?
And with all this, Oliver was crying.
I came home after finally getting our groceries (the meal planning, couponing, and organizing of all this before I left for the store took me a good 2+ days) to a house with dirty floors, toys strewn out, laundry in the washer ready to be dried, and a crying little boy. I felt like I was spinning like a top on the ground. And my sweet husband held me and said- what is one thing you are happy about today? He was gently reminding me of what I had to be thankful for amidst all the craziness of the day.
After dinner, a bath, and tucking in a little boy to bed- and after listening to him cry it out before he fell asleep...I stopped to read this blog post from a friend.
How appropriate it was to be reminded of what I need to be thankful for. I say need because I really do need to be mindful of all that I have to be thankful for. So much. Everything really.
The dirty floors in our home that God provided for us. I have floors- for that I should give thanks.
The toys strewn all over the floor were another thing to be grateful for- so many friends and loved ones had generously given us those toys for our own little one. He has so many choices of things to play with!
And the laundry in the washer- it was clean. It may not have been in the dryer yet, but we had a place to clean our clothes, in fact we had clothes to even clean.
And my husband. How I love him. He can see farther than I can sometimes, past the present circumstances into what is truly important. How I need to learn this when I get all worked up like a mad woman.
And Oliver.
I don't know what had happened to make him so dramatic tonight, choosing to cry and whine when we told him no. How much I love this little boy, even if he acts ugly sometimes. I know it is not the first or the last time and I pray for wisdom throughout it all.
In the middle of crazy days like this I need to stop and give thanks for all that is around me. For the present life we live, for those that we live with, we see daily. What a blessing it is to have each other. At the end of the day, I don't care if my floors and clothes are dirty, I care about hugging my two men, kissing them, loving them. But more importantly I have a God and Father that loves me sooo much more than I can love another. He knows what my steps will be in the day, He knows what I'll face and who I'll hear crying. Have I continued to give Him thanks for what He's given me? Have I surrendered the day to Him each moment, trusting Him to lead me and use me each hour?

Thank you Father for loving me, for providing meals, groceries, time to organize meal plans, a washer and dryer, a house to live in, beds for us to sleep in, a husband that loves and leads, a son that affectionately loves his mom and dad, a place we can close the door, turn off the lights, and find rest in. May I be mindful of how I need to 'turn off the lights' of this crazy world and just quietly find rest in You. Perhaps that is what You have been speaking to me all day long.

15 months

2011-09-25T19:50:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness, how long has it been since I last posted?
I can't really remember and I haven't looked on my blog to see my last dated post.
We've honestly been so busy just living our day to day that I kind of dropped my posting here.
But what have we been up to?
Here we are about a month into the school year already- hard to believe. I know school starts earlier here than it does in the north. I certainly don't remember starting school until 'real' fall began. But Jonah has been moving right along, and I am so proud of him. He is such a hard worker and a natural teacher. I wish I could sit in on his new class- photography. There is so much I have to learn yet, and he teaches me new things every time we do a shoot together.
I love my husband and I am so thankful for him in my life, by my side. Thank you Jesus for bringing us together!

Oliver has been growing like a weed. He is really developing his personality now and it's hilarious to watch him bloom.
He is 15 months now, actually getting close to 16 and really tackling the walking thing. I love being able to hold his little hand as he totters beside me. I often walk with him down the sidewalk to a park we have in our neighborhood. It's slow going, but I wouldn't rush it for the world. He is thrilled to have this new freedom too and walks all over the house now. He also loves to climb on things and his no fear mentality seems to be too often for my liking. One day he got himself up on our rocking ottoman while Jonah and I were watching. He was mad once he got up there because he couldn't figure out how to get down, until it tipped over. He was fine just a little shocked at it all. He hasn't ventured on the ottoman since then!
He has also discovered how to not only go upstairs but down, and will get all excited when we say 'lets go upstairs' because he knows not to go up without us there. However the other day when I had some friends over, he managed to climb all the way upstairs, without my knowledge as I thought my friends were watching him. They didn't realize he wasn't allowed to go up. Stinker. That was pretty amazing that he did that on his own- when he very well knew it wasn't allowed. Looks like we'll have to keep the gate up at the bottom of the stairs.
Oliver has really done well with learning 'no' for things. We've been teaching him this since he was around 10 months or so and I think that has helped him a lot. He still tries to do things even though he knows it's a no, but daily training... it will continually and consistently be daily training.
Another fun fact about Oliver, he has a fascination with his belly button. He's graduated from holding his hear (or ours) and sucking his thumb when he's tired, to playing with his belly button and sucking his thumb.
I'm not sure what the fascination is with this newfound body part, but it makes us laugh. One day when he's older we'll be sure to show him photos of all his little phases!
And the newest thing that Oliver has learned? What the elephant says.
We wave our arm out and say 'phrmmm' and he started mimicking this. So cute.
I can't believe how quickly he is learning things and copying us too. Truly the little mind he has is so quick and growing so fast, I think we underestimate what he is capable of doing!
We are truly enjoying all these milestones along the way, and looking forward to a very full fall! Pumpkins, roasted marshmallows and hot cocoa are a few things we have yet to introduce to this little boy!

9/11

2011-09-13T12:57:00.001-04:00

In honor of 9/11 our town created a memorial called Field of Flags. On this field almost 3000 flags were planted, row after row of our nations symbol. Each flag represented a life- for all the lives that were lost during that horrific day 10 years ago. The day America was attacked by a hateful and lost religious driven group of men.
I'll forever remember the day and the place I first heard of it. I'll forever remember the feelings that I felt while watching all the images fill the television, the papers and the internet.
On Sunday night Jonah and I took Oliver to go see this site that was set up for the lives that were lost.
What a breath taking and sobering sight it was to see the rows of flags standing straight and tall against the radiant night sky.
I was reminded of God's handiwork, His creation amidst all the grief that comes with this day. I was reminded that He reigns still, and how much of a Hope we have in Him. A Hope that will never be taken from our hearts, our lives. As horrendous as it is to watch our fellow American neighbors die without reason, without cause, I know still that we can find rest at Jesus feet. He desires for us to draw nigh to Him and He will meet us there. I keep feeling the urge for Christians to arise out of these ashes, myself included. We are in a world that desperately needs to grasp onto a Hope, a Life everlasting. And I'm challenged to share with others this Gift from Christ, His Son that died for each of us.
I took this picture of Oliver Sunday night beside a flag. While I'm not one to read into images and try to see things that really are just coincidences (thinking of the crazy pics people post where they see Mary in a cloud, or on a piece of toast etc!) but as I was looking at it I realized that Oliver's shadow looks like a cross. It made me again remember how much I desire to share this cross with Oliver- to lead him to a loving and lasting relationship with Jesus, so that he can live a life full and devoted to Him. Because that is what we are here for, to bring glory to Him.

Teaching...well kind of

2011-08-31T15:33:00.001-04:00

It was not so bad.
Really rather easy.
Well...I say that kind of jokingly because it was easy for me being a sub, not a teacher. Being the teacher means you are the one preparing everything for the class, being the sub means you are the one following what the teacher already prepared. And any nervousness I felt was eased after much prayer. I know God was with me, and continues to be.
Yesterday for my first class, my husband graciously went in with me to introduce me and lay down some rules for the kids seeing how they were a more 'energetic' class. Having him there that first day helped tremendously and I found my confidence.
And it really is more like watching than it is teaching. I'm there to help if needed but for the most part the kids are working on projects at their own pace.
Today was day two and it went well. Only a couple more days! And Oliver is doing great, as he was at home today with a friend to watch him. What a blessing it is to have friends available to watch our little guy. They may not realize it but what a help they are to us! I made one of my friends one of my latest projects that I'm selling on Etsy- barrettes. And I plan to make another one for my other friend that is watching Oliver. I love how they are turning out and I have sold one so far, which is exciting- thank you God for each little drop in the bucket! You can see them here if you'd like to check out what I've posted so far. I have plans to make more, but we'll see how that goes. This week has been busy with me working and we plan to go visit family over the weekend so I don't know how ambitious I can be with adding new projects to my list.
I also had a chance to finish another fabric toy for a friend that just had a baby girl. This time I added a jingle bell in it so that it jingles along as you pick it up or roll it. I love how this one came out! Here's a photo of the ball:

I have really enjoyed making things with my hands. There is something about touching fabrics and seeing the colors come together right before you eyes that is very satisfying. It makes me wonder if I would have done better in school if I had been taught with more visual, hands on examples.
I also wonder if Oliver will learn better with books and words or with shapes and colors. A visual learner like me? Or a very disciplined scholar like his daddy?
I hope to provide a well rounded education for him either way, and I'm not sure if that means homeschooling or not. We have yet to make that decision.
Either way, I am loving all the creative projects as of late and I'm still seeking God for balance with my time. I've found that the evenings (when Oliver is in bed) are usually a good time to work on fabric things as I have to take out a huge container of items that little hands would love to get into.
I'm not sure where this newfound/evolving hobby will go. Maybe nowhere! Maybe it's just a hobby.
I do know I love making gifts for others. It's so much fun to watch them open a gift you know you spent hours on, and you know that they will really appreciate. So satisfying.
I better go for now, even though I put Oliver down for a later nap today (grocery shopping after work, so it was a long day) I can hear him talking and kicking and moving all over in his crib. Someone is not taking a nap, that's for sure! Oh dear, I hope he isn't outgrowing his second nap already!!

Work!

2011-08-29T22:15:00.001-04:00

I am back to work this week!
I'm nervous about it all because I am actually going in as a substitute. I've never taught a day in my life, so this is certainly a little unnerving. I have always admired others that are able to walk in front of people and well speak.
I am not a natural in front of crowds. In fact I'm more of a hermit. I like to close my mouth and just watch and listen.
I guess that won't work out so well for me tomorrow?
I guess I will have to speak!
This is just one more way that God is stepping in, taking care of us, and stretching me in the process.
I have loved being home with Oliver, loved it! It is such a joy to be right where you know you are called to be. In this faith journey of quitting my full time job, I knew I would be open to opportunities for income as they came up. Even though I will be away from Oliver for a short time this week, it couldn't have worked out better. I am working only half days for a few days and God has graciously been relieving all my fears.
I did not eagerly jump at the chance to be a substitute. I get pretty nervous in front of people, generally large groups of kids, so it wasn't an immediate 'why yes!' I am in awe of my husband that has so much confidence in front of crowds, in front of groups, and kids. He can speak with authority and earn the respect from those listening. This is a God given gift, something that does not come easily to many! I am so proud of him and how much he has grown in his role of teacher and leader.
But as for the job... I prayed about it and I realized that I was willing to do this. I was willing to let the Lord stretch me in this area, because thats exactly what I felt I needed. Being home with Oliver has made me realize how much I am a teacher. Not a classroom, textbook one, but an everyday one. What can I learn during these days in a classroom that I will apply at home with my little one? What does God want me to learn? These are the very thoughts that made me come to the decision of yes. And, it also provides income we can use. So here we go!
I am thankful that God brought this into our lives, thankful that Jonah had my full support if I said yes or no. And so thankful for friends that are willing to watch our little boy for a few hours, free of charge. Now that is how God takes care of us. Always in the details, always caring about every little thing.
And speaking of our little one....

He was watching me take some photos outside today and was not happy about being behind the glass door. Oh sweet boy. Even when he's naughty and crying he makes me laugh at his antics. He went from having his hands on the glass to his face, and his cheeks, his nose, and even his mouth was open with his lips and tongue pressed on the glass at one point!
I love my men, and I am sooo thankful for them!

Walking!

2011-08-22T09:00:00.001-04:00

I knew it was coming.
Oliver has been becoming braver and braver with his steps.
Yesterday he was 'taking off' on multiple occasions, from our ottoman to a toy, from a toy to a chair, from Jonah to our ottoman....and on it goes. He was so funny to watch! Even though he missed his regular naps (church) he was so wound up from his newfound freedom. Our sweet boy is getting so big.
Soon those rolly thighs will be gone, and replaced with leaner boyish legs. Sigh. All too fast are these baby days!!

juice for Oliver

2011-08-20T20:36:00.002-04:00

Today's shopping trip was a little simpler than last weekends. I picked up a few toiletries and some other foods we ran out of like yogurt and milk. I still had to split my trip between a few stores, CVS being one of them. I have been taking advantage of their Extra Care Bucks by only buying things that offer them, and that I can also match a coupon with. This is the best way to save a lot at pharmacy. Their normal prices are never usually worth it as they seem to price things a lot higher than any other store. But using their reward system can be like getting some things for free.
Actually I did get some things for free today! They have a machine in CVS that lets you scan your card (you have to have this little Extra Care Bucks reward card to scan and use at every purchase) and it prints out coupons for you. This time it printed out two free items, one a pack of CVS brand bandaids, and one candy bar- Caramello. As it turned out they didn't carry that kind of candybar, so I was able to pick any Hershey brand bar and use the coupon. Since I rarely buy candybars, or candy for that matter, it was nice to have my pick. Literally like a kid in a candy store! I chose a dark chocolate bar. Yum. I'll be sharing it with Jonah....well maybe :)
I know that it can be overwhelming when you start out, to try to figure out the saving, coupon and CVS thing, but it was worth it to us when I can save on things like deodorant, feminine products, shampoos and mascara. Who really wants to pay full price for those anyways? We use them so often it's worth the effort on my part.
But my trips today were Oliver free as Jonah was home with him for me. It was an easier trip because of this, not having to tote Oliver in and out of the cart and into the blazing hot heat we've been having today. (thankfully it's raining now and will hopefully cool things down!)
My bargain deal today was at Kroger. I was walking down the natural food section and I saw a discount label on organic juices for kids. I looked closer and realized they were clearancing it out for good. The regular price was around $5 per bottle and they were marked at $1.57!
I haven't really given Oliver juice, just water and milk, and every now and then some really watered down orange juice. I wasn't crazy about giving him sugar. But these were made to be first juices and the ingredients were purely fruits and vegetables. (carrots, bananas, and apples) What a great deal! I bought all four that were left on the shelf.

Plus when I went to check out they rang up at regular price- so I asked if I could go double check the tag to be sure I was correct on the discount and item. The checkout lady didn't believe that they were discounted, but I checked and they were- even after they had another worker come check too. I've really learned to be bolder when it comes to sales. I'm not afraid to check and double check if I don't get the discount I had planned for, and I'm not afraid (usually, still learning) to put the item BACK if I was wrong.
That's the tough part.
In fact I did the exact opposite the other day in the thrift store. I really shouldn't have even gone in. But I did, it was hot out, and I was killing a little time before we headed to meet Jonah for lunch. My buy? A portable charcoal grill by Charbroil. I payed around $16 for it, only because when I put it in the cart I thought a certain color was half price- including the grill. When I got to the checkout I realized I had been told the wrong color by a sales associate in the store. Darn. So I payed full price, even after I had talked with Jonah about it- we agreed we wouldn't spend more than $10. So there you go. I'm still weak when it comes to making the best decision all the time. And now, I'm going to see if I can sell it on Craigslist, because when I opened the box at home, I realized it was brand new in it's original packaging. Wow, pretty nice.
But in the long run we really try to stretch our dollars as far as they can go since we don't have many of them!
God knows my heart, and He knows I desire to be wise with our budget and groceries and purchases, and He knows how hard I'm trying and that I still fail. For that I am thankful, because I know He owns everything that goes through our hands and I don't have to fear anything resting in His provision. Even if we don't have a grill if we sell this one, He'll provide a way for us to grill those steaks we have in our freezer (from our 1/8 cow share).

love

2011-08-19T20:26:00.000-04:00

I love this boy.

milk guzzler extraordinaire.

even though you make big messes.

I love the funny little things you do, like trying to 'blow' up this beachball.

my little thumbsucker.

How much I am loving these days at home with our boy.

the weekend

2011-08-14T20:59:00.002-04:00

So this weekend was busy, and we thought maybe it would be a costly one too.
First I planned out my grocery trip using my list from my 2 week meal plan. I then figured out how much I thought we'd spend overall. This was after I had researched what was on sale at the stores I would shop at, and what coupons I would be able to use for items on my list. Normally I would not want to spend time shopping at various stores, but because we live sooo close to 2, and because Jonah was home with Oliver, it was worth the travel to different stores. I also recently discovered the joy of Aldis. If you have an Aldi near you I would encourage you to go see what they sell. We've found some great items there with good quality (and few) ingredients on their labels. And the price was great, lower than our other grocery stores. Some great items I picked up included olive oil, cinnamon, fish (wild caught and frozen) and juice for great deals, which is their everyday price. It saved us a lot overall by adding that store into our regular shopping trips. We don't go there as often though since it's a little more of a drive.
But my estimate was around $100 for the two weeks of groceries, and guess what? I came in under that. Around $96. Amazing to me!
Really knowing where you can find things at the best price and not being willing to compromise, or by being flexible enough to rework some items in your meal plan is helpful.
I also was able to use some items we already had at home, so I didn't have to buy absolutely everything.
I may not have had a ton of coupons either, but by shopping smart I was able to get some good deals. And by deals I mean in season, or on sale items. Aldi's doesn't take coupons since all their items are their own brand, but the prices there are so low it's still worth it to add it into your trip.
After my outing, I came home to help Jonah with our washing machine. The day before it seemed to just stop after a cycle and wouldn't drain out and finish. So after some searches online for our model, my handy husband figured out how to take it apart and what pieces to search for the problem. I am amazed at how much we learned by doing this, and how relatively simple it turned out to be.
Thinking it was a clogged drain, or possibly a broken pump, we were prepared to pay for something new. After finding out the drains were not clogged (and several soaking towels later) Jonah popped out the pump to discover a wire was stuck in it. You know what that wire was?
My underwire.
Yah, I never really thought about that happening.
After a little 'ping' noise, the wire popped out and we thought that surely that wasn't the reason the whole machine wasn't working. Surely the pump must have quit, right?
After thinking this through we decided we'd at least try to put it all back together and see if it would run now. This decision was made while we were in the process of almost ordering a new pump.
I had been praying it would be a relatively simple fix and nothing too costly.
Guess what? It worked! It really was just a little wire stuck in the pump system in such a way that it couldn't turn and push the water out.
I am so grateful for how God took care of us in this situation! It's a small thing to some, but when you are living on little (in means of money) every little thing matters, and God reassured us of His provision.
I am seeing this more and more, and when I want to waver and doubt I give it up to Him again, asking for that assurance of His provision, and He answers.
I've started a list of ways He's provided and I can't wait to look back on it in a year. It's so encouraging and continually reassures me of our decison for me to stay home with Oliver.
Speaking of Oliver, today I found him sleeping in such a sweet pose during his nap. I snapped a picture of him, so that I wouldn't forget. Ahh sweet boy, how much we love this little guy!

both of his hands are up by his face, so sweet

Meal planning and chalks

2011-08-11T20:59:00.001-04:00

precious kisses from Oliver!

Today I went back to my scheduling. This makes it what day 3? Well thats a record for me.
Just kidding... kind of.
I had it in my mind today that I was going to do the one thing that I am horrible at- meal planning.
Some women are so wonderful at this. They love love love getting into charts and lists and little details.
Me on the other hand, well I would rather have a book of images to browse through and choose what we'll eat that way (hence, go to the store and buy for the week by what I see then make meals at home, which equals another trip to the store to pick up a couple things I missed....and so on).
I'm such a visual person. I guess thats why I loved Pinterest almost immediately, it's so inspiring and feeds into my way of learning and thinking.
But thats another post to come.
So, for meal planning, I have figured out that I love to buy what is in season first- which means half of our groceries each week are produce. I like to make meals that are nutritious, whole foods based which means not using processed and refined foods.
Now I am not 100% unprocessed. We still buy condiments, salad dressings, pastas and breads, and a variety of other things. But I have learned to be conscientious about what the ingredient list is, and this helps me narrow down our choices even further, because I opt for things that don't have heaps of sugar, high fructose corn syrup, lots of soy product and weird chemicals. We are not all organic. Hardly. If I could swing more organic items into our weekly groceries I would in a heartbeat, but I am okay with buying seasonally for our foods because it has the most nutritional value anyways. Yes maybe some pesticides too, but I have realized I have to compromise somewhere and right now in this season in our lives it's going to be there.
I have realized how quickly you can be obsessed with food choices when you switch to more wholefood all natural items. The more you learn about food, where it comes from, how it's made can completely consume you. I have to take baby steps in this area, pray for wisdom in the decisions I do make, and guard my eyes, and time in the matter.
With that being said, I sat down and made a point of finishing this huge chore! I prayed my way through it too, knowing I have a tendency to get discouraged and overwhelmed at the task before me.
Soooo, what did I end up doing?
My first item was to organize my menu binder I keep in my kitchen. It's a 3 ring binder that holds printed recipes that I know we like and I know I'll make again. I got this idea from a friend of mine that keeps one in her kitchen for her 2 week rotating meal plans. I liked that idea and saved it for later- and later was today!

my little tabs- I plan to make real tabs, these are just tape

I took some time to type up recipes I had written here and there on scrap sheets, and then decided that my best approach for recipes keeping was to provide seasonal ones. Right now we are in summer so I have an organized book filled with ones I have really liked this summer. I then organized them further to be in categories: chicken, beef, veggies, side dishes, snacks, dessert etc.
My plan is to switch it out with fall recipes as we enter that season, and as the foods change in the store. So, once I had that to my liking I then started on my meal plan. Yes the dreaded meal plan.
Instead of doing a full 2 weeks, I kind of cheated and only did one full week, and plan on doubling the recipes to freeze and eat the next week. Because it took so much time just for one week, I'm glad I did this.
I found a handy dandy little sheet to write out our breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. You can find that here: money saving mom
I used the seven day meal planner that has a square for each category. So handy, and not something I would have come up with myself.
I used my menu book to choose my recipes, and also loved that there was a place for snacks on my list so that I can include this in my grocery shopping. I have a tendency to be a snacker, and Oliver gets one snack a day too, so this was great to think of.
Once my menu was done I then decided to make an itemized grocery list. Are we feeling like we are in home ec class now?

But once I had that done, I was glad to have made it. NOW I can compare what I need to what is on sale in my grocery stores and what coupons I can use to match up to them. Useful sight for that: southern savers. Sorry to all you northerners, I don't think you have the stores listed on this sight. I wish there was something like this for all those that shop in different parts of the country.
Is it all worth it? I am hoping yes. I plan to keep this finished menu and list for future use, when I can rotate it back into our meals. I would like to make another 2 week menu and just swap them back and forth.
I did all this while Oliver was napping. I was also able to get some dusting, vacuuming and mopping done. It's an amazing thing this scheduling stuff.

our beautiful masterpiece

Oliver and I had some creative play with sidewalk chalks! He wasn't so sure about them, but enjoyed being outside, and would occasionally try to eat the chalk. But it was a lot of fun. I haven't used chalks in a very long time! I found a great site that offers little printout sheet for 'tot school' which I am eager to try out. I am trying to be more intentional with our play time together, but without going overboard. He has plenty of time to just play and learn alone too.
I have really been enjoying being home with this little guy. It's challenging, thats for sure. We are working on NO quite often, and it can be tiring when you again have to say no to something that you JUST said no to a minute before. I am praying over each day, and as the weariness sets in and I feel a little undone, I pray again. Truly God is helping me as I train up this little man. And then Jonah comes home. Yah!! It's wonderful when he walks through the door and Oliver smiles adoringly up at him and says, "da da". Precious are these days.
Our little baby is no longer, he's now a boy, a toddler and I am loving this stage. He is so smart and learns so quickly I am amazed to watch it all. No walking yet, for which I am kind of glad. I know that once he gets up on those rolly thighs, the baby-ness will be gone. Savoring these days!

love this boy. please excuse the window that NEEDS to be cleaned!

Schedule

2011-08-10T09:59:00.000-04:00

I did it.
I sat down and made a schedule.
I searched online for some schedule tips from stay at home moms and I stumbled upon this site. She has jotted out scheduling that has helped her, and she also offers so many valuable tips to organizing things. I added her to my blog feed, grateful to have found a Christian mom that offers her insights.
I also searched google documents for a template. Did you know Google offers this? I have a gmail account so by logging in I have access to many Google things. There are so many different templates to choose from, I wonder why I didn't realize this years ago! There are even home budgeting ones, if you need it.
I thought this was a better option for me versus writing up my schedule in an excel sheet. Being creative, programs like Excel and Microsoft Word really confuse me. I would much rather open Indesign and Illustrator and make something there. But using the Google docs saved me some time, I just found one I liked and plugged in my schedule.
It's still being worked out but I made a loose weekly one, plugging in what I know we do everyday, along with things I need to do and things I would like to do. How is it going? Well, we are kind of at day two and I have already gone off the grid. But I'm happy to have started somewhere. Thats often the hardest part of doing something new.
Yesterday I followed it pretty well. I planned out an activity with Oliver and I even prepped for it, waiting for lunch to be over so we could jump in. I also made some creative time, just to do something with my hands. I loved adding that in, because I actually finished a project! I had time for cleaning, which got done earlier than I thought- wonder of wonders- which made more time for other things on my list. I really do love how much time is freed up when you plan it. It's an amazing thing to me. When I don't plan it feels like I don't accomplish things. But planning is a learned trait and I'm learning it all the time.
Today started out earlier than yesterday because it was Jonah's first day of school! Up bright and early with him, so I was able to see him off. Being up and having eaten earlier than usual, I was able to rearrange my day already. Laundry was put in, hoping to finish it today. And I had devotions before Oliver got up. Once he was up, since it was still earlier than usual, I felt the need to take a nice walk while the weather wasn't too hot. It was wonderful to do this early in the day, just to enjoy the outdoors and talk with God. I needed that time to keep my mind and heart open to what He is speaking.
And now here I am with some quiet hours before me, while Oliver naps. I think it's time to go see what my schedule is for the day. I have a few changes that need to be made already.
Here are some shots from yesterdays creative endeavors.
For my activity with Oliver, I got out my watercolors and some illustration board. He loved playing in the paints and slapping his hands on the board! This is his very first painting- I love it! I then cut out an elephant shape in some cardstock, to mask the painting. I trimmed it to 8x10 to fit a standard frame, and voila, ready to hang.
For my creative project I found some inspiration on Pinterest (I'll post about that another time) and made a rosette bracelet. Cute, but I think I'll modify it next time! Happy back to school Wednesday!

final piece!

the masked frame final piece!

my bracelet. I love this color!

the stay at home mom

2011-08-08T22:16:00.001-04:00

Oh Oliver.
Looks like my hands will be full! (little stinker climbed up while my back was turned)

Last week was the first time I was officially home alone with Oliver as a 'stay at home mom'. My hearts desire was fulfilled so graciously by the Lord. He answered 'yes' to my request after Jonah and I took it to Him in prayer. He answered 'yes' in a very real and big way. It was awesome, and humbled me, to think that He does listen, and He does answer sometimes in a very big way. And He does love us so very much.
Now here I am living it out. Wow! There were moments when my brain kept skipping ahead, thinking I would have to do this or that to prepare for the next day, when I realized that I would be home to actually do that the next day. These moments happened when I thought about Oliver too. That almost too good to be true feeling that I would often dream about in the past, is happening now!
I have so many plans for things I want to teach him, train him, show him.
Now as I am getting into this new role daily, I am finding that there is one problem. No clear schedule yet.
I'm not a big schedule person- at least a very detailed exact one. When it comes to Oliver, I have always worked to keep him on a schedule and I found that this was the very best thing for him. He thrives on it. Consistency is key to happiness.
Clever hmm? I just made that one up. But really I believe it has played a huge part in his content attitude. He knows when he'll eat, when he'll nap, when he'll go to bed.
Now throw me into the equation.
What exactly do my days entail? I haven't been consistent. I have a list of things in my mind that need to be done. I have the everyday things that need to be done too. I have the list of activities I want to do with Oliver. I want to have time just playing with him. But I also want him to know that I won't be able to play all day long.
I didn't realize really how important it was to plan out things. I don't feel productive when I bounce from task to task, and don't get to finish one.
So my goal and prayer for now is to get a daily schedule. To actually write it out loosely and stick to it for at least a week or two. I know this will not only benefit me, but Oliver as well. He'll learn to go with it, just like he did for his own schedule.
Oh organization you kill me.
Perhaps this is one area that God knew I needed to work on, and now it's staring at me in the face!
So my venture begins. I'm thrilled to be there for Oliver. To be there for Jonah. In a very different way than I ever have. Opening these new doors wide open, into faith, learning and motherhood.

Spoon

2011-08-07T16:26:00.001-04:00

Oliver started sneezing.

Then coughing.

Then a fever.

Sooo, my weekend involved a trip to the library to pick up some new books for him. It's very sad when your little one is sick. You just want to take away any hurt. The sad little cries from him, told both Jonah and I that he wasn't feeling well. I'm not sure if it's teething related or just something he picked up. Either way he wasn't himself- he was actually grumpy and whiny and just wanted to be held.

That is the favorite part. Extra cuddling? Why yes!

I savored the time with him and soaked in the cuddling as it's fewer and farther between these days. He has become sooo much more busy, and vocal, it's all about keeping up with him and letting him exert that energy in his little body.

I picked up several books at the library, but one was so darn cute. It's called "Spoon" and it's about a spoon that has become dissatisfied with his role in life. He envies the other silverware, but in the end comes to realize that his duties are indeed fun- because who else gets to dive into a bowl of icecream? The end punch results in him 'spooning' with his mom and dad. So funny and cute!

I think Oliver really liked it too. We have more books to finish so I'll head off to read to him now- as I'm home with him this Sunday too.

Praying for this little boy to heal up- he seems to be better today with a slight fever. So he's getting there, thankfullly.

Happy Sunday- another new week ahead!

the spoons family!

(enjoying some juicy and ripe plums!)

Still

2011-08-01T20:55:00.000-04:00

I have a tendency to go overboard with things.
Things that I love, things I'm passionate about, things that I really want to be a part of. I think my eagerness to dive in sometimes takes me in waters up over my head. You know when your swimming in the deep end of the pool and how refreshing it feels in the beginning? In time if you don't head for shallow land you get tired, and you start struggling to keep your head up.
I feel like that right now. I've dived into some passions and thoroughly enjoyed the refreshing and fulfilling waters from them. But I think I've been in the deep end too long, I need rest. I need simplicity, for a short while again.
Staying at home with Oliver has been so wonderful for sooo many reasons, one being it's right where I know I am supposed to be. There is a peace and assurance in this decision.
With this though, there was much opportunity to tackle other passions that have not had a chance with my work life. Photography, cooking, sewing, creating, writing.
All of these are parts of me that make me tick, make me excited, make me feel like me.
But I jumped in at once, and while it was wonderful at first, I feel like I am getting that burnt out feeling.
Too much!
Rest.
Thats a hard word to me. It means stopping, slowing down, being still. I'm not sure why, but my mind seems to take off in so many different directions that I have a hard time being quiet. Being still.
I take time each day to read in my Bible, to pray over the day. But I know it's not enough.
In our small group we have been talking about making time to go and be still, to be quiet and alone with God. It keeps coming back to mind now as I go through each day trying to get the never ending checklist done. I am losing that closeness to God and I can clearly see that it's me- not Him- that chooses this.
Being still takes an effort- a conscious one. I need to choose when and where I will. And it's hard to do, because I will have to turn off everything else. No cleaning, no cooking, no emailing, no grocery shopping, no playing with Oliver, no phone calls, no this that and all the rest...
Why is it so hard to plan this time? I think that fight alone gives me enough reason to plan it. I think Satan knows how much we need time with our Lord. We need to hear from Him, and in the stillness- we will.
My challenge to me, as we embark on another school year, another crazy schedule, is to not be sooo busy with me myself and I. To make a conscious effort to be still, to allow myself time to be alone, because if I can't be the one God wants me to be, I can't be the wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend that others need. Isn't that the truth?

Summer days

2011-07-26T10:15:00.001-04:00

Summer is almost over! Well, maybe not in terms of weather and heat, but in school terms, yes it's almost reaching the end. School will start back up here in the next couple weeks. This means Jonah will be back to work next week. Sigh! It's been wonderful having him here with Oliver and I. We have so enjoyed the days together. But I also look forward to fall days...cooler weather, yes, that will be nice!Oliver is getting close to 14 months already, and I can hardly believe it. This past Friday he took his first solo steps. From my arms to Jonah's. It was exciting to see him venture out. But he hasn't done it again since. Which is okay with me...I know once he's walking there will be no turning back and no slowing down from that point on! He is such a ham these days, talking more in his baby girgle and laughing at us and with us, and sometimes at nothing in particular. Such a happy, and joyful little boy. We are blessed to have a child with such a laid back personality.
We also launched our photo/design business and it's been an exciting start. We are looking forward to growing and marketing it. Our first 'official' clients were a couple of shoots for 3 month olds. I loved doing them. I love shooting with Jonah- he is an amazing photographer with such a creative eye, and he teaches me so much. I'm thankful that he shares this passion with me, I know it's not always the case in a marriage.
I have also been entertaining some other ideas to bring in some income into our home. Not quite ready to share those since I'm not sure they will pan out. I've been praying over them and trying to really plan them out, and I'm not sure yet if I'll continue to pursue them or not.
Meanwhile, we are trusting in the Lord for His provision, and I know He will. Next month will be the true 'stretch' as we step out into a full month without my income. This month we still had some of my last paycheck from my job. But I'm excited to see how God provides. I'm excited to write about it next month! And the month after and the month after....
I love being home with Oliver. One of my friends asked how it feels to be home now, and I said wonderful. Having my hearts desire? What a joy!
I have also delved into the art of sewing. I had a friend over to show me how to use my sewing machine and she was a wonderful help. But once she left I realized how difficult it is to learn a new skill. I have been doing all my sewing by hand, so using a machine is an entirely different skill. Straight lines are nearly impossible to master on that thing! I know it takes practice and I'm learning...it will be a while though before I can trust my projects on it to come out. It took me an hour and a half the other day to make a stretchy headband. Yeah, it probably would have taken 15 minutes by hand. So I'm learning, and I have a long way to go!
My latest project I posted at my shop is a little pig ball. I love how this came out, so soft and cute. This was all by hand, so maybe one day I can make it on my machine (thinking of the hours I will shave off!).
Heres the finished product:

Oliver seems to really love it as he's really into balls right now. He can pick this one up pretty easily since it's stuffed.
I am also working on editing our latest work at The Black Sheep Studio, with some of our last shoots coming soon. I'll have them up at the end of this week.
These have been keeping us pretty busy here at home. Along with spending time with friends, getting ready for school (Jonah), and keeping up the home (me), life is full.
And to leave with a few shots of our big boy...

For now I better run to get started on those photos. They are sitting and waiting to be finished!
Happy Tuesday!

How to buy and prepare wholefoods on a tiny budget

2011-07-16T14:18:00.000-04:00

I have been busy in our kitchen this summer. Busy at the store and occasional farmers market too.
My ongoing journey into wholefoods, cooking from scratch, has taken a good turn. My focus has been able to be on it even more.
One reason being that I am now at home with our sweet son. I ended my full time job, left the workplace and really I am not even looking back. It's been a WONDERFUL experience so far. I love being at home with my husband and son, and I love being able to plan our eating a little more.
In this food journey it's very easy to quickly become overwhelmed with what you should and shouldn't eat, how you should cook something, what you should soak, what should be sprouted, and above all else, how in the world you can stay in/under budget- or my biggest one- shop and prepare whole food meals in a very small budget.
Is this even possible? I found myself wondering that so frequently it almost made me want to quit.
But my knowledge of the benefits and my knowledge of what many 'food' products on the shelves contain is enough to make me press on. It IS worth it to have nutritious homeade meals on your table when all is said and done.
I thought I would share some of my latest attempts at a few different foods.
One is tortillas.
These are usually a little pricey in the store, and the list of ingredients on the package is a little unnerving. I'm eating what exactly??
I was determined to find a way to at least try to make them at home, and if it failed or was impossibly hard, well, back to storebought I suppose.
I came across a fabulous little recipe for some whole wheat tortillas. The ingredient list? four. That's it, and one is water. Okay sounds simple....
It was. And guess what? They are also delicious. My one batch made roughly 12 medium to small sized tortillas and I popped them in a ziplock and put them in the fridge to use for the week. So handy and healthy to make wraps with meat and veggies, or peanut butter and banana, or quesadillas for us. One of my favorite recipes is: fresh garden tomatoes, cheese, and basil (picked out of my garden) on a tortilla folded and half and toasted to melt the cheese. Oliver loves these and they are so easy!
Here is the link for this simple recipe: wheat tortillas
I used King Arthur's whole wheat flour (being sure it was made with red hard winter wheat- nutritious). And you can freeze these for later use.
I also dived into breadmaking. I thought I'd try it out to see if it really was worth the time to make it. Bread is another product on the shelf that has a long list of ingredients, many being preservatives of some sort.
I had purchased my whole wheat flour, so I actually just used the recipe right on the back of the flour bag. Pretty easy- the longest part is waiting for it to rise. If you have ever made breads of any kind, you are familiar with this process. So if you are running and doing other errands, you have to stay at home so that you don't miss the times to punch down and transfer, then later bake. But if you make more than one loaf at a time I would say it's worth it and cheaper than buying bread. At least for us it is since we spend over $3 a loaf at the store. We try to buy bread that is better quality and nutrition- never white bread. Not anymore! I remember eating some white bread after being without it for so long and my stomach was so upset...not sure what the relation could have been. Maybe it wasn't the bread at all! I do know white flour is bleached and processed, much of it having vitamins added back into it- or 'enriched'.
The only negative about bread making is that it doesn't stay fresh too long and gets dry after a few days. I am going to try freezing the second loaf to see if this helps.
I have also been storing up our freezer with fresh produce. When something is in season at the store I'll buy a bunch and freeze it. I did this with sweet corn, summer squash, blackberries, blueberries, mango, some peppers (I have many growing in our garden- so exciting watching them get bigger!), peaches, eggplant, cauliflower, and broccoli. I also bought some green beans in an attempt to freeze some but never got around to it. I'll be on the lookout for more things that are low price. Seasonal is definitely the way to shop- whether at the store or at a farmers market. Farmers markets offer fresh from the garden and often the sweetest, most flavorful foods if you have a good local one. I found our tomatoes there and my goodness what a delicious difference. I'd love to go and pick some produce too as we have several places near us. I love stocking up our freezer with produce at it's peak flavor.
This is as far as I have gotten in our kitchen/freezer.
I did read a great article about freezing things- even cooked beans! (this is great for me who likes to soak a bunch, cook them only to have them sit in our fridge because we can't possibly finish the huge pot of them I made!) I found that here.
I have found that shopping seasonally and using a minimum amount of coupons has saved us money. Well, at least we are able to buy more and stay in our budget.
Some things I did this past grocery week: purchased a double Sunday paper (to keep coupons). I actually looked through the local grocery store flyers (even though you can find them on southernsavers.com) and I found some off the wall sales for different things like mangos for .50 at Aldi's. Big discount there, considering I have only seen them on sale for around .85 elsewhere. I also found some great deals for back to school items, even though I don't have school age kids, there were sales on computer paper for sooo low. Yes, .25 for a ream, cheap.
I also glance through the grocery flyers, but mostly just look at the deals listed online for those.
I am not giving up entirely on couponing- I know it's really tough to do when you are trying to be wholefoods conscientious. So I'm giving myself at least 6 weeks or so of really trying it to see if it's worth the effort.
I usually search for sales at two different grocery stores that are actually 2 minutes from each other for me. This is helpful since I really wouldn't choose to shop at 2 places if they were farther apart. I also keep an eye on Aldi sales. I've found that they have some great items for low prices- items that have only a few ingredients and that are still healthful.
My stores of choice are Kroger and Publix- welcome to the south.
I also found a great resource for coupons: recyclebank.com
You sign up for an account and to earn points you take little quizzes that are so easy- even if you get the answers wrong they still reward you points. You can use these points for different organic coupons or for coupons to get money off your order at Publix. Pretty easy and useful.
I have to admit that it will take some time to find a system that works- an efficient one. I am not one that loves to sit and plan grocery shopping for hours on end. I have found that I'm getting a little faster as I know what I will look at. For example when I'm comparing store sales I go immediately to produce and fresh foods and keep an eye out for wipes and diapers or some toiletries we use. Those are really the basic things I focus on and it helps narrow it down. I don't stock up on crackers, cookies, processed foods and sugary cereals as you can imagine. (those seem to be big items that couponers find to be good deals)
I'm not perfect at this in anyway. I only hope to encourage others that are on this similar journey. I'll try to update as I go along....
It is definitely worth it to buy quality items and stay in budget isn't it?
For now I think thats about it. I have a nice long row of peaches sitting on my kitchen window ready to be sliced and frozen. Nice and ripe now!
And my final thought in all of this, don't forget to pray over each decision. I have found that I was trying to hard to do everything right. You can only do your best, and God knows that and will bless your efforts!

our new pursuit

2011-07-12T20:24:00.000-04:00

Our business.
The little thing I've been talking about for months is here. It's now.
Today we launched our 'site'.
The Black Sheep Studio.
You can also find us on facebook!
I'm so excited to start this, although it's been officially started for a few years. We were shooting sessions years ago, perhaps with hope that it would someday become a business. Now here we are, with more experience behind us, and a passion to continue on with it.
I pray over this new start as it's exciting but also a little scary to step out and be in the public eye. It's a very competitive world, and well area. There are so many starting up their own photography businesses that it's a little overwhelming.
I'm not the cheesy marketer that tries to promote special buys and great specials for things. Especially for photography. It feel so much more personal to me. I take it as a life experience. Being a part of someones life is well, personal. It can't help but be that.
And I know that it's probably not a good thing to not want to market as much as you can...
But I know it's exciting to do this now, to see where we go with it. Who we meet, who we tell the world about.
Won't you pray for us as we embark on this start?

Home with my men

2011-07-09T21:05:00.000-04:00

It's been a lovely week. This past week was my first full week of being an official stay at home mom. There was a little fear in doing this. Fear of no longer relying on my income to get us through the months, fear of getting restless at being at home. However I can tell you I am not afraid. Having been home now for a bit, I know it's right. I know that I didn't make the wrong decision, or feel led that way.
I know it's where I am supposed to be.
This past week I had moments when I would allow my mind to look ahead to the future, and I would worry for a moment....but then I would see my sweet boy. Holding him in my arms as I carried him upstairs to bed brought in a wave of peace at this simple moment. How right it felt. Me being at home with him is almost more glorious than I thought! I love knowing I will be able to train him daily, that he will be with me to learn everyday things. This little man that we are training up will learn from us- and what we allow into his life. It's a great and awesome responsibility.
I was able to stop my mind from racing each night as I went into auto mode thinking about all the things I would have to prepare for my day at work the next day. I realized again and again I wasn't going into work, and again there was that peace.
I never realized how all consuming it was even working 3 days a week. The juggling of my time, and the prep work it took to keep our home flowing as I was home every other day was tough. I take so much pleasure in keeping our home orderly, keeping it clean, keeping the pantry and fridge stocked, and our meals planned.
I'm excited to work harder at all of these tasks, as I haven't had the time to do so for years. I have a list of things that I am looking forward to checking off such as going through my closet and our rooms to get rid of things we can sell- every little bit helps!- and I know we have so much STUFF just sitting and being unused. Why keep it?
I am also looking forward to pursuing our business. It is photography and design and something we are passionate about. The design focus being my shop the itsybitsy store, and the photography part for now focusing on children, maternity and newborn. I'm soo excited to launch this!
Jonah's support in all of this has been absolutely amazing. I thank God for him, but also for the unity He has provided for us as we walk daily seeking His will.
I have already been able to see God providing for us in ways that I would have never dreamed of. Little things here and there assuring us of His provision. His love, His care.
My heart is so peaceful where I am right now. I am so very grateful for this, and truly there is no other place I'd be.
Above all I am so honored that God chose me to be Oliver's mom. Knowing that he will grow up with me there at home with him, knowing that I am there with him daily is such a blessing.

my men!

sweet happy boy

oliver

Being a wife and being a mom are roles that I take so much joy in. Thank you God for how GOOD you are!!

happy independence day! (a little late)

2011-07-09T20:43:00.000-04:00

Happy 4th of July! I am late at posting this as it's already nearly a week after, but I thought I'd share some photos from our 2nd Independence day with Oliver. My how did a year go by so quickly??

Oliver watching daddy water our garden, and our door!

praying for breakfast. Oliver has learned how to fold his hands for prayer, so cute.

whole wheat oat pancakes with fresh berries, yummo.

sweet friends we hung out with that night.

sweet friends who opened their home to us for the fourth!

first time with sparklers!

sparkler fun!

this was how Oliver was playing with the trucks, walking along behind them, such a big boy!

Summertime

2011-06-23T09:08:00.000-04:00

Where have we been? Yes, I realize that much time has gone by since I posted. Summer is here! But I haven't had the chance to really feel like it is yet!
A little over a week ago we got back from our mission trip to the Dominican Republic. This was a 9 day trip that was so eye-opening and heart changing. What I saw, experienced and felt during those days is definitely something that I will carry with me all my life. It was such an amazing trip. It was also the first time I left Oliver anywhere overnight, and he stayed with his grandparents during the nine days. I was so nervous about this, but once we were there, I found that I was so busy I didn't have much time to be sad. I missed him terribly, but the time with Jonah and the time serving definitely helped. I know that the Lord provided the grace and strength to help me with that. That small detail that I dreaded, the thought of leaving our son behind, was on my mind and heart for weeks, months even, leading up to our departure.
Now here I am on the other side of it all, with our son back at home, our life back to 'normal' and I'm so grateful I was able to go. Would I go again? I think it is always hard to say 'yes' for all those fears and naggings about letting go of what's comfortable and 'safe'. But I NEED to go again. That's my answer.
I can't believe what I saw. What I learned. What I learned about God, about others, about Jonah.
It was awesome indeed.
Now here we are back in our home, back at my job, and back to life in the states.
Our lives are anything but 'normal' lately though.
I am about to end my job of 3 years, to start my other job- staying at home with our dear boy. This decision is on of faith. Much faith and prayer. I am so excited to start this role, as it's been my hearts desires for years. I am also excited to see how God will provide for us, as I know He will. Where He guides He provides!
It's been an incredible year. So much has changed in our lives this year, in comparison to last year.
Starting with our change in churches, our change of heart, spiritually, at the start of the year, our focus on serving, missions, using our talents for Christ, our renewed passion in photography, our faith based decisions, and our unity in all of this.
It's been a GOOD year. It's been a growing year, and I'm so thankful for that. I can see how God is shaping and directing us, and my only concern is that I continue to allow Him to do this. That I don't again become self-centered, and too scared to step out and trust Him. There is freedom in faith that is unlike anything else I've ever known. And in the worlds's eyes this is hard to understand. But truly it is so liberating.
Let go and just let Him lead!

One year

2011-06-04T22:15:00.000-04:00

Okay here we are, two days out until we head off to the Domincan Republic.
I can't believe it's here already.
This past week flew by. We celebrated our sweet little boy's first birthday. One years old. Really? Where did the last year go!!
I can still remember those first few days of just taking in the sight, smell and sound of him. Us, parents. It was hard to believe, as it seemed to happen so quickly. You go from not knowing what to expect with a newborn, to REALLY not knowing what you are doing as a parent, to wondering what you did before he was ever in your life.
Oh we still have so many moments of 'figuring' things out, praying our way, asking for wisdom from God over and over, and learning that no our kid is not like every single other baby out there, when it comes to some stuff. No, we have so much to learn, and certainly have not arrived. But, we did it. We got through our first year, and you know what? We did okay.
Yes, God is so good to supply us with the knowledge and wisdom along the way, the patience and love, the endurance, the ability to function on little sleep, the quick mind to make split decisions, the strength to stand up and say no when needed, the determination to stand for our choices in matters, the tenderness only a parents heart holds, eyes to take in each moment, and an open heart- continually being filled up with love for this treasure.
What a gift it is to be a parent. I love being a mommy, I love being a parent along with Jonah, to Oliver. He has tapped a place in my heart that I never knew existed. It makes me mindful again and again of what God must feel for us. Even though the scope of what we feel is much smaller, that makes it even more wonderfully overwhelming to think of how much God loves us, and how much He treasures us.
Yes we've learned a lot this year. We did things we never thought we'd be doing, or saying (our conversations sure did pick up some interesting things this year!) things we never thought we'd be discussing so often and so openly- that having a baby brings into your life.
It's been a whirlwind of a year, and I've loved every moment.
Now as we look ahead to year two, I'm eager and ready for it. This parenting thing is...dare I say... fun!
Every day there are new expressions, new sounds, new things to learn. It's like opening a gift everytime we get rewarded with a smile or a laugh. How good it is for the soul- this I never expected. A child gives so much without a clue they are giving.
Thank you Lord for this sweet little boy that has filled us up! I think I've grown just by watching this little boy grow, by watching my husband grow as a father and I'm thankful.
I am about to embark on a 'new' role as I leave my job out in the work world and embrace the role God has given to me- my hearts desire, to stay at home with Oliver.
This decision has been one I prayed for. We prayed for over and over and God said that now it's time.
This I am sure of. I have so much peace, and Jonah has lead the way. We sought God for an answer and He met us. How thankful I am for my God that speaks and leads. (You can read more about it here: http://pouredforth.wordpress.com/)
And so I will be a mom, I will be a wife, I'll be a home maker. And you know what? To me there isn't anything greater than this, to train up our child, to run our home, to be available as a wife, mom and friend. I'm excited for the opportunity to minister to others, but mostly to be the woman that God has called me to be. I almost want to jump up and down when I think about it all, I have that bubbly excitement in me that knows the peace and joy that come with following God in a decision.
For now though, I'm looking ahead at the upcoming mission trip. With this also come a goodbye for 9 days to our sweet boy. Am I gonna have a hard time? It's funny because soooo many people keep telling me exactly this- how much I'll miss Oliver, how hard it will be, how rough it will be. And I keep thinking, "really? way to be encouraging people..."
And I'm not being naive. I know it will be tough, I'll miss that little boy. But this decision too was made in faith that this is what God called me to do. I needed to say yes. So I did. And we'll be off on Monday to the DR. And we'll be thinking of that little boy back home with our family, but we'll know he's loved and cared for. And I'm eager and ready to get on that plane, not because of my own doing, no, the fearful Carrie says, " no! stay home, stay with Oliver, don't step out of your safe little home!" but my heart that wants to serve Jesus first says, "go". And that's the part that anxiously can't wait to get there, to see what God has for us, what He wants to show us, teach us. And I'm ready for that.
So for now, farewell, until we are back. What an update that is sure to be.

no life doesn't slow down

2011-05-28T21:54:00.001-04:00

It's been a while since I've updated this. My how life is fast and full.
May is almost over! We celebrated our 6 year anniversary this month. How special it is to share year number six with this wonderful man by my side. He is an amazing friend, leader, daddy to our son,and love of my life. Sharing this year with our son in our lives was even more special. I am blessed to know Jonah, and to have the honor of being by his side. I learn so much from being with him. I learn how to love deeper, care more, listen more, show more compassion, hold my tongue more, be a better friend, have a deeper faith, and on it goes. He's my knight in shining armor and say that without any cheesiness intended. Truly, my romantic, loving, manly man fills me up to overflowing, and I am so thankful for him.
Now here we are at the end of May, looking closely at June.
I knew May would be crazy, but I also knew June would run right into it without much chance of life slowing down. I can see that is happening now. Here we are on the verge of welcoming June, and I can hardly believe it.
June.
What does this mean?
It means we head of to the DR for a mission trip. It means Oliver stays behind with our in-laws for 9 days. It means Oliver turns ONE! It means I turn 30! It means work ends, summer begins. It means Oliver is weaned.
Is that enough to keep one busy?
Wow, I thought my mind would be spinning at this point, but I'm doing okay.
Next weekend we will drive to my in-laws, settle our son in with them and drive to the airport to fly out for 9 days. I can hardly believe that it's here almost upon us.
Surprisingly I'm doing okay.
I know it will be tough driving away, flying away, and sleeping away from our son, but I know that I have been preparing for this too. God has been graciously stepping in, lovingly filling me with His presence, His Spirit and calming my spirit in the process. I have been praying for this trip, for the people we will minister to, for the people that will be going on the trip, for safety, for sweet Oliver who will be back here in the states.
And I'm still getting ready.
I have been praying for this trip, for myself especially. I know my heart will miss our son, but I am also ready to see what God has for me. What He has to teach me, how He can use me. I'm also excited about the time with my husband. It will be just us (plus 28 other people). Just us, without Oliver there. And while we'll miss him, it will also be a growing experience for us to go and do this together.
I'm so thankful that we are able to do this. For the way the details of this trip have been orchestrated. Truly God keeps taking care of everything, right down to weaning Oliver. Our passports are in hand, another answer to prayer as we weren't sure they would arrive in time. And we are ready.
Oh our bags have yet to be packed, and the house is yet to be locked up, but when we get to that point it will be time. In my mind, in my heart it will be time.
I have felt that God has been preparing me step by step for this trip. And with each step comes peace. Peace that another item is checked off. Peace that the days are creeping closer. It's been amazing and I didn't expect it. I am learning what it's like to live your life in faith, to live your life trusting in God to meet you and lead you when you come to the end of yourself, the end of what you feel your limits are. He lifts you up and takes you even farther out over the edge of the mountain than you thought you could go. It's truly an elated feeling knowing that He is providing and guiding you.
There is no place else I would rather be.
And so we count down now. To June.
It will begin this week. Let it roll in!

easter and such

2011-05-05T13:37:00.000-04:00

We had a lovely Easter together. It's hard to believe that it was a couple weeks ago! Now here we are in May and my how it's flying by.
Our little Oliver is now 11 months and his big one year birthday is creeping closer and closer. He's learned soo much in these past couple months, it's been amazing. He crawls (army mostly, although he forgets he's on his knees sometimes), pulls up, crawled up a step and kept going with daddy behind him, eats more of what we eat (chunkier food), stands up in his crib, claps, mimics our faces and noises, says mama and dada clearly to us, waves of course, signs 'all done', and is working on tooth #4.
Goodness I never knew he would change so much SO quickly. Those rolly polly thighs, arms and cheeks are starting to thin out, sadly enough. I knew he wouldn't be a chunka monka forever. And I know that's a good thing!
We are counting down the days now until we leave for our DR mission trip. Well, maybe not counting down, just being very aware that it will be here before we know it. I'm still nervous about leaving our little boy behind for 9 days, but God has been working in my heart to prepare me and I know that once we are there, it will be peaceful and confirming. I'm looking forward to what God has for us there, how He will use us and those He will bring our way. I am also looking forward to the time 'alone' with Jonah. We have never been overnight somewhere without the little chunk, so it will be a growing experience all around. And serving God together is such a blessing. I am so thankful for a husband that leads on with a passion for Christ.
Our Easter was so nice, and we didn't get Oliver a basket- oh horrors, right? Not that I'm against it, all the candy and such, whatever. No I'm not an advocate of the Easter bunny persay, and we won't be teaching Oliver that he exists. I never once believed in him growing up, I only knew of Jesus and the tomb and how He rose again. I did get a chocolate bunny and a basket with treats though, and it was fun. So maybe when he's older, we'll see. We did go to a sunrise service together which was beautiful. I loved being outdoors to see that beautiful morning light and to picture what it must have been like all those years ago when the Mary's walked to the tomb. I think it will be a nice tradition to go to a sunrise service every year. I would even like to try the ones that are even earlier- we had ours at 7:30.
Here are a few shots of our sweet boy, getting all grown up, and a few random ones too.

Business, gardening and such

2011-04-14T08:48:00.000-04:00

Here we are in April. I'm wondering where March went. Oliver is now 10 months and moving all over the place. It's been an amazing change from months 8-10. He has been learning new things constantly and it's been so much fun to watch him. His latest discovery is mimicking us. He'll try to do the same face expression or movement that we do. It's hilarious to see this! Sometimes I can just see the wheels turning in his little mind...
Another thing he enjoys doing is putting his toys in secret places. One is a basket near our tv stand. He'll drag his blocks one by one over to it, reach up and drop them down into it. He also likes to take apart his soft stackable rings and shove them one by one through our ottoman that rocks. If he doesn't make it through with one he'll take it out and try again. His little mind is showing us how he is structured in his thought process, and I laughingly try to take credit for that. Ha! We all know though that Jonah is the organized mind in our family, even though I try!
I haven't posted pictures in oh so long, and I will leave with one before I go.
Today though I am venturing into a new exciting endeavor...gardening!
Jonah and I picked up organic seeds, soil, and some non-organic seedlings (couldn't find them as organic). We are digging up a patch in our backyard today to plant our veggies. I'm excited to do this, as I have high hopes for our plants growing and NOT dying, as I tend to do with houseplants. I chose veggies that I know Oliver likes, and we do (except for the peas, blahhhh!) and that are expensive to buy organic. I'm hoping to save us some money there once they come in. I know it will be a couple months before they grow but I'm looking forward to watching them, and teaching Oliver about planting. Granted he may be little and not understand, but I try to involve him even now in my everyday tasks. Training him up!
Other things on our plate:
we are developing our business plan even more, so the grand opening of it has been delayed. By grand opening, I mean sharing our blog and facebook page. Website will be down the road. Our vision for what we want it to be has been slightly skewed over the past sessions. So we are deciding which direction we want to take it. It may turn into a couple businesses under one umbrella name. This sounds complicated but it would all relate into one nice little package.
We are praying for wisdom and timing with this and have peace in knowing God is working out each detail along the way. One of these is an upcoming meeting with a local photography husband and wife team, whose work we kind of drool over. They have a direction in their work that we know we want to go. They are meeting with us next week, just to talk shop. They are similiar in their beliefs as stated on their website and open to meeting with others to share their story.
So that's exciting for us to hear from others in the field.
For now that's where I'll leave as I have a talking little boy at my feet. Someone's ready to eat!

Oliver loved loved loved the huge helium balloons. This is like his second time seeing balloons and he was so excited he couldn't even get his laugh out, there were squeals!

I'm still here!

2011-04-02T20:46:00.000-04:00

Goodness gracious. Where have I been?
Not sure when the last post was. I have tried to post on several occasions but never got to the 'publish' part. We've been busy in March. The month was centered around a 4 day trip to NYC. I do mean centered too. Planning, packing and going to the city was different this time around since we had Oliver with us. I learned a lot from that trip. How taking along a baby does not equal relaxing, vacation-style trip. Even though it wasn't a vacation trip, and I knew it would busy. Take busy and multiply that times 3. Truthfully Oliver did wonderfully. Me on the other hand...
I was truly grateful I was able to go- and bring Oliver, and be there with my sweet husband. He and his job were the reason we went. And it was for an award ceremony. So proud of him and how hard working he is. I'm so thankful we have these past two NY trips to look back on with memories. You learn a lot on your first visit to the big city, and on your second trip it's easy breasy. Sort of.
Now here we are rolled into a new month, and our baby boy turned the big 10 months today. My, can time slow down a wee bit here?
Big decisions have been prayed over this past month and there have been big answers from God. I am thankful for others that pray. I am thankful for God who hears me. My little voice is important to Him and I'm humbled by that. I have received answers to some heart questions and I have genuine peace about the answers He provided. He has also been moving in my family and it's been amazing to see.
I have also been plugging along with our business start up, and we have been blessed with yet another maternity shoot we did last week. I can happily say we are moving forward and are close to launching our business, live!
It's with much prayer and time that this can even happen.
So life is full and not slowing down. Even Oliver is speeding up with his army crawling, half up on his knees, rocking thing going on.
Oh how much fun this crazy life is being a wife, and mom.

A chance to win

2011-03-07T20:49:00.000-05:00

Okay so I did it. I entered a contest for a local magazine for moms. I am so not one to participate in something that involves sending in photos of yourself....but I did this time. Please humor me and my appeal for you to vote. Please take a moment or two or three, to vote for Oliver and I. We'd love to win!
http://blackdressredwagon.com/2011/03/feature/enter-our-2011-be-a-star-cover-contest/

To win means, a shot of us (professional shoot) on the cover, and some other good stuff including a trip for two night at an inn. Sounds lovely, since Jonah and I do not have extra money to go towards trips and such, as we continue to pay off our student loans. Not that I'm complaining! I know we will be able to yell out , "I'm debt free!" in time.
But to vote just go to the page I linked above, scroll down to our picture and vote. You can vote numerous times a day, you can go to their facebook page and like my photo there. You can share this with your friends and family members.... :)
Just putting it out there if you'd like to help out a good 'cause'.
Thanks for going along with my shameless plea for your vote.

Quick update

2011-03-05T19:06:00.001-05:00

As I finished my last post I read a recent entry by a blog friend I follow:
http://dailypleasures.blogspot.com/2011/03/2-in-12-progress-report.html
I found it to be very encouraging as she set out to do many tasks and wrote out her accomplishments as she went along. I'm inspired and a little renewed to do just this.
More thoughts to come!

Time to be disciplined.

2011-03-05T18:56:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling a little scattered lately. The other day I heard the phrase, " too many irons in the fire".
So relevant to how I'm feeling.
My interests and need for knowledge has tipped my scales, and I'm feeling very unbalanced. I keep thinking I'll figure out an organized plan for cooking, cleaning, preparing nutritional meals for Jonah and I and Oliver, find time to finish researching vaccines, finish my laundry....for once, get rid of stuff we don't use, hang frames on the walls, print pictures!!!, keep my quiet time with God at a scheduled time each day....and on and on it goes. I don't seem to schedule very well. Maybe it's my personality- that creative need to be impulsive. But I have never stuck to a schedule. I can make a list, write on a calendar, and think that I will follow through with something for a month, only to fail.
I'm getting to the point where I need this structure for my own sanity. My husband loves to make lists for things. He loves seeing the check mark next to his many many lists of things to do. He'll even add something to a list that wasn't included, just so he can check it off! I'm not quite that way. I write a list. Start doing something, get sidedtracked, or get taken to do something that requires me immediately (diaper change, dinner...etc.) forget I made the list and go on forgetting about it.
Does anyone else have a good solid schedule down for their week? We have a pretty basic schedule, I just find it hard to do all the extra work for all my everyday things. I am getting everyday things done but not feeling it's enough.
Perhaps this post doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm resolved to take this to God. To beg Him for organization, discipline, and wisdom in knowing what things are the most valuable things I should use my time for.
So I'll come back to this again. Soon.

Teething and cleaning...unrelated

2011-02-27T21:07:00.002-05:00

Do you see it? That little white bump on his lower gum? It's his first tooth! I'm thankful Oliver wasn't one of those babies that grew a mouthful of teeth at 4 months. Because he nurses I'm grateful it's taken him into month 8 before his first tooth appeared. As I write this he already has the first tooth showing, and is actually suffering through the second little tooth pushing it's way up. Poor guy has been fighting a fever this weekend, awaiting the little tooth. He is growing growing growing all over. He is almost actually 9 months now. How did the past year fly by so fast? It's truly been a delight to watch him grow, and see him in every new stage. He is so much fun now, very VOCAL. So loud! We laugh hearing him talk, and his laughing comes so much easier. His little belly laugh does something to my heart everytime. Oh what joy it is to have a child! I know Jonah and I never imagined it would be this much fun. Truly it's a big responsibility, but worth it. I thought the other day how I would have never thought I would do certain things before having him and now when the question comes up "I have to do THAT?" without a hesitation. You just do what you have to. Example, when Oliver gagged on some new food and threw it up right in front of us. I just made sure he was okay, and cleaned it up. I no longer hesitate to do, I just do.
But I love being a mom. My heart soaks in moments and I only hope to keep them in my memory as the days and years go by.
In light of this, my prayer (and Jonah's) has been asking God for an answer for the upcoming year. We are prayerfully seeking an answer for me to stay at home with Oliver. Along with this, we have also been working on starting up our own business, from which I could do at home. It will be a photography and design business, and it's been slow in organizing, designing and such, but I'm working away on it when I can. I am working towards this with much prayer as well, trusting in God to lead and provide what we need along the way. We have been saving a small amount of money towards this and we'll be buying our equipment in the upcoming months. Yah! It's been a journey to get to this point. I can see how much we have both grown and continue to in photography- even since last year. I believe God has a specific purpose for our talents and I only desire to give them back. To use them for Him. I pray not to be selfish with money, and to remember what is important. What is important to me?
Right now, it's my family. It's not being materialistic. It's getting rid of student loans. It's staying passionate and hungry for the things of God, and His Word. It's helping others. It's being a loving, supportive, and submissive wife. It's being a loving, Godly, mom. It is being Godly, but keeping ME out of it, and allowing GOD into it.
Materialism is something that both Jonah and I have been discussing this year. We desire to NOT be materialistic in every sense of the word. I am looking around our house at so many things we don't use, that just sit and collect dust- for me to wipe off. Really? Who can use these things? I also think of our debt we are working on paying off (so we can be debt free- forever!) and I think what can we sell? Our hearts are both wanting to give. It's soooo rewarding to give, especially when I see so much of what we don't need. But we must get rid of this debt...
Along this line of thought I read about a new challenge one of my blog friends posted called the Simplify Challenge. I thought this would be a good challenge to start myself. Why not? Simplifying my life is exactly what I would love to do. Here's the challenge if you are interested! It's sure to be some good spring cleaning! (also see the button I added to my sidebar)
http://simplemom.net/project-simplify/

Finally, I'll leave you with some family photos.

Foodie

2011-02-19T21:12:00.001-05:00

It's been a while. I know.

I haven't been faithfully posting to this blog because of well life.

Busy, full, rich, fast. That's how the days are going by as of late.

I have been dipping my hand (mind) into many new things. Reading, studying, learning. It's been such a great thing to learn. Feeding my mind is so important. You know the old saying, "Knowledge is power?"

Clarity comes with knowledge. I have been praying over this word in my life. Clarity. It seems to be the theme for the year, as I go back to it and pray for it in so many areas. Clarity about nutrition, about decisions, about direction. It's been amazing.

Right now one of my focuses has been on food. Of course. It's always there in the back of my mind, begging me to draw it out and learn learn learn more about it. Food, nutrition. Your body truly is the temple for the Living God. This is convicting in itself, but the thought, You are what you eat, also crosses my mind.

In my 29 years of life, I have gone through many phases of diets. Not the lose-weight-diet. But different eating habits. Growing up I had home-cooked meals often, which I am so grateful for. Even if it wasn't always the most convenient, my mom made most of our meals from scratch, using produce from her garden in the summer. What an amazing woman my mom is, to care for a family of 6, cook, clean, make sure we had clothes that were clean, and all the million other tasks in her life. What a balance she showed.

Then onto my college years, I remember suffering from various health issues due to my poor diet. It consisted of many processed, sugary foods and drinks. And on top of this much coffee.

In my after college years, my diet was whatever was at home, not exactly home-ade at that point, some, but not all.

The next few years of my life were when I was first married. I shared already how I went through a valley in my life, suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. That was when a light went off for me.

The turning point.

I realized how little I actually knew about what I was allowing into my body, whether it was food, drink, or medicine.

That passion has been lit, and while it sometimes gets put on the back burner, the more I learn, I remember. And I get excited. And I want to share it with everyone (which I try not to do, so as not to annoy!).

But these past few months, I have been blessed to cross paths with many like-minded women that share that same passion. Perhaps it's the new responsibility of caring for my son. Realizing how much I want to give him the very best. In turn, I want to provide the very best meals for my husband and I.

All of this though does come at a price. The price for healthier foods is not cheap. I have been trying to implement things, in baby steps. I realize as I learn more, I will find ways to be thrifty in obtaining the best foods for us.

Proverbs 31 says 'she seeketh her food from afar'. I think she was a wise woman that knew how to find a bargain, but also provide the best for her family.

My desire is to do this. I've planned a get together with several woman this Monday. We are all going to be talking food. I'm so excited about it. Here we meet after months of me thinking, and learning and growing in this area of food, and I get to share thoughts with others on the same path. What a blessing that is to me! If anyone is interested I can share my thoughts here next week. Now onto a quiet evening of reading! Baby is down, hubby is reading, I think I'll join him.

Proverbs 31

2011-02-10T08:47:00.000-05:00

This year has been so exciting so far. My walk with Jesus has been full and close and I continually pray for it to remain so. In light of this my focus has been directed to the little chapter at the end of Proverbs. This chapter can be daunting in so many ways because the Proverbs 31 woman is amazing. The list given in these verses can be a little overwhelming when you compare them to your own life.

But it's also been an encouragement to me as well. Why did God choose to include this chapter? Does He want us to follow it verse by verse?

I truly think God knows what my faults, weaknesses and strengths are. I see this chapter highlighting areas in my own life that I truly need to work on. I am encouraged though to read what a hard working woman she was.

Being a stay at home mom has been something I have been praying for. I believe my ministry is my family, before others. Given the gift of parenting has been something so precious and good. But my what a big responsibility.

In light of this thinking, as I read through this chapter I am continually reminded of what I would like to work on in our own family.

Here are a couple verses I have been drawn to:

To be a woman that seeketh wool and flax and works willingly with her hands, sewing, mending. Whether this means sewing to make items in my Etsy shop, or for consignment.

To seek my food from afar. Wow. To me personally this is such a great reminder of what my heart is desiring. Good food. Good nutrition. Healthful meals.

Groceries. Budgets. Nutritional.

Those have been items I have continually tried to find a good balance with. It's tough planning, buying, and preparing meals that are low cost, but high quality (no processed, refined foods). REAL foods.

But it's something that is so important. Our bodies are temples of the Living God. Literally. What we allow into them should be good for us.

Being a mom has only ignited this passion within me even more so. What is Oliver eating? What is it doing to him? What vitamins and nutrients is he getting? Jonah and I should be leading as an example in our own eating habits.

So this month/year is again one where I will continue to improve upon this. I pray for help with this. I know that even this isn't too small of an item that God will not hear. He hears me always!

I have stepped out and actually invited some mom friends to get together and talk food. I'm excited about this, as we all share what works for us. We have similar desires to provide the best wholesome foods for our families, but within small budgets.

I have seen that I'm not the only one that struggles with this, and I'm looking forward to what I will learn.

baby food

2011-01-22T21:23:00.002-05:00

It was a busy day. I ran out to get groceries while Jonah was home with Oliver. I tried hard to stick to our budget, as it's getting towards the end of the month, I always struggle to stay in our budget with groceries. Truly this is the biggest challenge in home-making (is that the right word?).
But I did okay...still have to return a couple things for a couple reasons. One I forgot to use a coupon I had for one item, and two, I went over budget and will be returning something I can get next month. Yes- it's that important to stay on our budget that we planned for.
I was able to pick up lots of produce for Oliver.
I have been making most of his food for him, with the exception of a couple jars of babyfood. I do have babyfood jars stocked in my pantry though. I actually bought these while I was pregnant. What a nerd right? I had coupons and there was a sale, and it was worth it. I bought several Earths Best organic. I also bought some Beechnut....which I will be donating to someone that would like them. Any takers?
I don't say this to sound like an organic snob. I am not all organic....actually more like a couple things organic if they are on sale, and if they fit our budget.
Well, this is kind of off track for my original post, but I opened a jar of mango's for Oliver. Added some oat cereal to it and gave him his usual two meal today using that. Later I picked it up and read what the ingredient list was and it had several ingredients, one being white grapejuice. I know it's all made for babies, but I didn't like the fact that I didn't even realize there were other things added in (rice flour as well) and I was completely unaware, until I read it. I assumed 'mangos' meant just that, period.
It would be nice to give Oliver all organic, but budgetwise, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to do that. What I can do is make food for him. He hasn't progressed to a very elaborate diet yet, just simple one item foods (with the exception of avocado + banana) with cereal mixed in twice a day. So making food was not rocket science.
Well maybe a little. I did struggle with picking the perfect individual items. I wanted them to be nutritional and offer as much as possible, even if they weren't organic. I read somewhere that babies stomachs are small, and should be filled with as much nutrients as possible. This is so true! What they eat, even if it's tiny little portions, should be brimming with what they need.
So my research led me to some online sites for baby foods. I found a site I like and will be going back to when Oliver is a little older: www.wholesomebabyfoods.com
I also checked a book out of the library (twice actually, the first time it ran overdue and I owe money... I am terrible at remembering the due date and shouldn't be allowed to check out books with my record, I'm sorry to say. I will change this!) called Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron.
I have liked a lot about it, and some of it I just ignore all together. It's kind of a take what you want out of it book. But I like that she breaks down the age, and what's appropriate for that age. This helps me in knowing if it's too soon to introduce beans or meats etc.
I like her porridge recipes too, but was skeptical about making one out of brown rice. Is this okay for Oliver to eat? Is it healthy, and not just a filling starch that his stomach will work extra hard to digest? I read that starches are hard for babies to digest due to them not having adequate enzymyes to break them down. (Que the screaming gassy baby after trying baby cereals for the first time) Now this may only be true for younger ones. I started Oliver at 5.5 months, and his first food was actually roasted butternut squash. But later I gave him cereal, and now I mix it in with foods to get the iron from it.
Back to the rice. I received a book for Christmas (yes I really wanted this!) called 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth. I'm loving it. It tells me the nutritional value for all 150 foods. So I flipped to brown rice and learned about the health benefits of it. White rice is actually stripped brown rice. It doesn't have the bran that brown rice does. Plus brown rice is a great source of fiber, and a great preventer of several cancers. I loved being able to learn more about this grain, and now I feel better about giving this to Oliver. So I'll be making that for him to eat in his morning meal. Eventually I'd like to move him into her 'super porridge' she writes about that has legumes in it, but he will have to be around 9 months for that.
So I picked up my produce spent a couple hours in the kitchen and now my freezer and fridge are cooling peas, spinach, cantaloupe, acorn squash, sweet potatoes, nectarines, pears and I previously made broccoli, carrots and butternut squash. No it wasn't hard to make these. No they aren't all organic. Some are, and I'm grateful for that. But they are fresh, and simple foods. One ingredient foods in which I know what's in them, and I know what will go in him.
Exciting? Yes indeed, it is to me!

New things

2011-01-22T20:59:00.001-05:00

I have been gone awhile. Well, not gone really, but focused on other things. It's been a fabulous year so far, and I give all credit of this to God. My God, my faithful, loving, HOLY God!
To read more of what's been going on in my life please visit here:
http://pouredforth.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/filled/
I have been spending time reading. So much reading. And praying and studying. This along with hanging out with two wonderful men in my life. Life has been full like never before!
I am spending my time differently this year. Not on purpose. I didn't set out with resolutions to change what I did with my time each day. Since January 3 (that Monday night I mentioned in my post I linked you to) I have felt the need, desire, urgency...to just dive into my Bible reading. I am following a wonderful through the Bible plan (and that was a 'resolution') with a passion. I am awed by who God has used in throughout the Bible. Scripture is so real, and I am again wondering why I didn't obtain all I was reading all my life in the Bible. Suddenly it's alive and I'm so interested.
Along with my Bible reading, I re-read Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. It was my second time reading this book, and this time around it was the perfect season in my life to read it again. I found myself nodding along with it in agreement on so many paragraphs. I have notes and notes scribbled in my journal, of certain statements I don't want to forget, things I need to remember. I underlined my way through the book this time too. Something I didn't do last time. I guess I get afraid of 'marking' up a book, trying to keep it as pristine as possible. I guess that has changed. I need to underline, to help me remember what I'm reading.
I've done this in my Bible as well.
I finished Crazy Love and I've moved onto a new book.
Can you guess what is not in my life right now?
T.V.
Not intentionally. I'm not saying this to state that I've given it up. I haven't.
I am just enjoying this time of soaking in all I'm learning. I was afraid in the first couple weeks to turn it on, for fear of not feeling the closeness I have with Jesus. Feeling His presence has been like a balm on my soul. It's been healing, loving and comforting. I know He is with me and I'm eager to listen to Him. The T.V. has a way of dulling down my conscience, and wasting away much time.
Right now all I know is I'm needing this in my life.
T.V. will be there.

365

2011-01-10T08:41:00.003-05:00

I decided to jump on the 365 bandwagon. If you are interested you can follow my photo blog here:
http://photojournalofcarrie.blogspot.com/

I'm excited about doing it, and it's been fun so far!

and today...

2011-01-05T16:17:00.000-05:00

my heart sings:

The splendor of a King,
clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice,
all the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in light,
and darkness tries to hide
it trembles at his voice,
trembles at his voice

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great
How great is our God

And age to age He stands
and time is in His Hands
Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End
The Godhead, three in one
Father, Spirit, Son
the Lion and the Lamb,
the Lion and the Lamb

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great,
How great is our God

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
how great is our God
Name above all names
you are worthy of all praise
and my heart will sing
how great is our God

How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great,
How great is our God

How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great,
How great is our God
How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great,
How great is our God

How truly GREAT He is.

seven

2011-01-03T14:09:00.002-05:00

Happy seven months sweet boy!
I know I don't have to say it, but time has really flown. I can hardly believe this little man has been in our lives for 7+ (counting gestation) months. What a true joy it's been.
I've been home on holiday break with him the past two weeks plus today, because he has a cold and is so congested. I have really loved loved loved it. My heart is full, and I know that if I were home with him full time, it would be wonderful! Working towards that goal!
Meanwhile, Jonah has been gone for a couple days. He is at Passion 2011, and he is a 'chaperone' for a large group of teens. I'm excited to hear about all he's learned while listening to speakers like Lois Giglio and Francis Chan. I know he is having a great time, and I miss my sweet wonderful husband, but I know it's a great learning/growing experience for him. I was able to watch some sessions live and I loved what I heard. It was challenging to me, and I only saw a small portion of what he is experiencing.
So Oliver and I have been having quality time together and since he's sick there's been extra cuddling nedeed!

It's a New Year!

2011-01-01T13:32:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!
As I write it is not quite yet the new year....the grand year of 2011. Wow! I can't believe this year is coming to an end already. I can look back and see sooo many blessings poured out from God and I'm so grateful. The biggest one is our son. Our sweet boy. Life has taken on a new sweetness to it from having a baby in our home. We have so much and are truly rich in spirit.
I have never really liked to make new years resolutions. Well...except for that one year when I was around 12 or 13 and me and my best friend at the time decided to get ambitious and make as long a list as we possibly could. I think mine was like 12 pages....page after page of who knows what? Some things I did as a kid were so pointless, really I don't even know why I did what I did!
But other than that, I've never been good at sticking to what's on my list, so I didn't make resolutions.
This new year I've decided not to make a list of resolutions, but of words.
I have chosen to use simple words for those things that are most important to me this year, and use them as a reminder of what I want to focus on:
Spiritual walk
Romance
Journaling/Cataloging
Sewing
Photography
Strength
Nutrition
Budget
Discipline

It's sure to be an exciting year for us. Looking back at last years big moment- giving birth to our son, moving into a house, changing my work hours. These were all things we spent many hours praying over and anticipating and now the year is past. We are looking ahead to this year and don't have such big items ahead of us, but know we are excited about what God will do, how He will lead.
The focus this year will be on new endeavors, one being the pursuit of me being home with Oliver. One way to help with this will be the startup of our business. But I'll have to post on that another day.
For now, Happy New Year! Happy 2011!

Christmas

2010-12-31T15:58:00.000-05:00

Okay so I thought I would try to catch up my blogging somewhat before we ring in the new year in a matter of hours.
Our Christmas. Sigh, it was such a special one!
Our first one as a 'family'- Jonah + me + Oliver. This year we did something completely different and stayed home until Christmas afternoon. It was oddly quiet on Christmas Eve, and we did find ourselves missing the loudness of extended family around. I mean Oliver can get noisy, but not that loud. But we really wanted to celebrate our very first Christmas in our new home, with our own tree. And after getting past the quietness of Christmas Eve, snapping some memorable (picture to follow) family photos, the next morning made it worth it.
We woke up, headed down to get the coffee brewing and passed out our stockings. We didn't get Oliver a lot for many reasons, one being he is young and doesn't know what is going on, two we don't want to start the tradition of giving a billion gifts so that he can't enjoy them and get greedy therefore missing the reason for Christmas, and three we knew he'd have gifts from family.
But the one gift that Oliver loved loved loved was a little toy wooden car I picked up at Target for $1. Isn't that the way it goes? You find fabulous gifts for a six month old and he reaches for the least of all of it. Tissue paper was also a big deal to him. He loves to crinkle it and tries to eat it of course, as everything goes to the mouth these days.
Jonah and I also opened our stockings, which was fun and always surprising to see what we get each other. And yes we wrap those gifts too- we are the biggest kids of all when it come to unwrapping. Love love love to unwrap even the simplest little thing! .....or maybe it's just me that loves to unwrap....
For Christmas gifts we found a special toy for Oliver. Last year while I was 7 months pregnant we visited FAO Scharz in NYC and saw the most beautiful big white elephant. I really wanted it, but it was not in our budget at the time so we chose not to get it. For Christmas though we both knew we wanted to get this for Oliver, so we ordered it and waited and waited for it to come. What fun it was to see that big box on our doorstep from FAO!
Oliver liked it, but still loved his car more. Oh well! I think when he's a little bigger and able to wrap his arms around his 'Melvin' the elephant, he'll like the softness of him. Right now Oliver and Melvin are about the same size.
Our gifts for each other were fun to open as well, and I was able to surprise Jonah, and he did with me as well. One special gift we always save for the end is a small silver ornament that hangs on our tree. It's a present box and opens up so every year we rotate back and forth for whose turn it is to fill it. Jonah had it this year and he very tediously cut out a silver snowflake with the words 'snow, sew' written on it. My newest passion as of late is sewing, and he had contacted his sewing aunt for advice on a sewing machine. Well she actually had a sewing machine that I could have! It's an old Singer from the 50's and heavy as they come, but so thrilling to have! We went out this week and picked it up and it's waiting for me to use it....
After gifts we had a lovely breakfast complete with delicious fresh from the farm bacon....oh so good.
Then we headed to our in laws for a couple days. We spent time visiting with them and enjoying more gifts, and memories together. We even saw some snow that night, which was pretty neat on Christmas day!
I want to say we didn't get caught up in gifts, and honestly I really feel like we didn't. Every year I try so hard to focus on what is the most important thing- Jesus coming to this earth as a tiny baby. And having Oliver here reminds me again of what Mary went through. Last year I carried our son within me and felt him move and kick, and imagined what he looked like. This year he was with us, watching the tree lights sparkle, listening to us laugh, and filling us with so much joy. It's so special to share the day with our son, with each other, with those we love, and I think the memories we made will stay with us for years and years to come.

scrabble, hot cocoa and sleeping baby what more could you want?

so much fun he fell over

After Christmas news

2010-12-27T23:18:00.000-05:00

Here we are a couple days after Christmas and I have such nice, loving memories of our first Christmas together as a new family...with our little boy with us.
But my thoughts are not there tonight. My heart is with my dad.
News this morning that he went to the hospital because he may have had a mini stroke. I about fell over when I read that text from my sister early this morning. Calls immediately followed and I learned he and my mom went to the hospital because he was having numbness in his arm and slurred speech.
Fast forward to now, he is doing okay and everything has returned back to normalcy. He is admitted and staying overnight for more tests, but so far the catscan came back good with no signs of stroke. My mom feels he had a TIA (I believe it's called) which is a small mini stroke.
I can't even believe I am writing about stroke.
I updated my facebook today with status of this and again my mind didn't seem to wrap around it. Isn't this kind of language something you use for much older people?? Say if my dad was 90? He is in his late fifties.
It's been quite a day.
Amazing how quickly your whole world changes in a matter of seconds. My mind read over those words and my heart stopped. My dad.
My parents live up in New York. That's a long way from Georgia.
We weren't able to fly there this Christmas because of the money it would take for us to get there. So we were here in GA. I have been praying for a way to visit them and I know God will provide it in time.
But it sure didn't make it easier to be here when this happened.
I sent out a book to my dad this Christmas that is a Grandparents journal. Having Oliver in our lives has made me realize even more how much I want my son to know my dad. I want those strings to be tied and woven for years to come. But the distance is hard! My dad hasn't even met little Oliver yet. My mom and sister and her family came to visit in the summer, but truthfully my dad has been searching for work for quite some time and hasn't been able to find any. Money has been hard to come by for them and I wish Jonah and I had so much more so that we could give it to them.
So my mom flew 'solo' without him to meet her new little grandbaby. I have been eagerly awaiting the day my dad can also meet Oliver and I pray it's not too far.
But my heart was so fearful, so sad, scared....I didn't cry immediately. I went through motions telling Jonah, stopping to pray.
Then walking downstairs to see my mother and father in law in the kitchen (we stayed at their house a couple days). I told them the news and almost immediately started crying. Your brain and heart do funny things in situations that scare and shake you. I guess it took a moment for me to really believe it, until I was telling others about it, then suddenly it made it real.
I love my inlaws. They are such sweet, loving people and immediately stopped to pray with me, standing there crying with Oliver on my hip- content little boy in his warm pj's not aware of his mommy's pain.
It was a time I needed that. I needed to just stop and be surrounded by His presence for a moment. Know He was in control of something I cannot touch.
I am still praying my way through this.
My dad is doing good, but I still have that gateway of fear opened. I'm trying to keep trusting in the Lord with all my heart. It's hard. Satan is working to get me to fear. A place I am weak in. My fears often take over and turn to worry, to anxiety. An ongoing battle in my life. So I am praying and pleading for God's peace, will, guidance, and healing. How great is our God. Truly how GREAT is He?
I am thankful this happened at a time when my mom was there to help my dad. It happened after Christmas, so they could enjoy the holiday together. It happened early in the day so that it wasn't the middle of the night. They made it safely to the hospital despite all the storms of snow up and around them. And tonight my dad and mom are safe.
This is a trial for them. And I wonder why? They have been through a lot these past couple years. It's not been easy. And I know that God has been cutting and trimming them, like you would a pattern. He has something He is making, something beautiful. And I don't know if He will show us the final result here on earth, but I pray for strength to trust Him through it now.
I love my dad. I love him so much, and I am so very very thankful for him in my life. If I learn anything out of all this, I think I am again realizing how precious life is. How each day is truly something to be thankful for. How trials come, but they cannot and should not rob us of our joy. Jesus is joy. He brings it, gives it, and is it.
I'll post more about Christmas another day, but tonight my heart is elsewhere. It's heavenly and upward, leaning hard on Him, and it's northward, thinking of my dear parents.

Christmas is almost here

2010-12-23T22:12:00.000-05:00

Last night was a nice relaxing evening...
I say this because I want to remember the memories we've made together on this Christmas 'week'. While we usually head over to meet our small group for a Bible study, last night was cancelled due to so many of us traveling. So we had some time to relax together and enjoy the quietness of the evening over a game of Scrabble. I didn't realize how long of a game it would be. We played on and off between hot cocoa, miniature cookies, diaper changes, and ended up finishing after a few hours. But we played until the end! We used every letter up! The winner was Jonah. I was surprised that I was close to his score, since his vocabulary is much broader than mine. I tend to know words, use them, and use them incorrectly or say them completely wrong. It's a habit of mine to blurt out a word that doesn't even mean what I intended it for. Then I forget and do it all over again.
But back to last night, it was nice. Hot cocoa, board game, sweet husband, sleepy baby boy, and soft Christmas lights twinkling around us was so nice.
Tonight we had Jonah's family over to visit. It was the first time his brother and his family had been able to see our new home. I made a ham dinner and we enjoyed many many sweet treats (we had so many sweets given to us this year, I haven't had to bake, and felt guilty adding anymore sweets to our plate- maybe after the holiday!) Hot cocoa was made, coffee brewed and laughter shared by all of us. It was so nice to see everyone and enjoy the time together.
This year will be a different Christmas because Jonah and I decided to spend it here in our home with Oliver. Our first time! We usually go to one parents home and spend several days there. This time we will head to Jonah's family (they are in the same state as us, while my parents are up north, sigh) after we have our own Christmas together on Saturday. It's so much different than what we normally do, but I'm looking forward to starting our own traditions together.
These traditions are growing slowly and we aren't rushing to add many to our list, but it is fun to see what others do and incorporate some of their ideas into our own lives.
It's been such a nice week though, and we have both enjoyed it thoroughly. I can hardly believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It's so sudden this year. I think I feel that way every year! One minute we are decorating our tree the next we are waking up to Christmas day. Yes it's how it goes, but somehow I am always left feeling not quite ready for it to be over.
I'm excited though. It's the day we remember Christ's birth. A little baby sent here to die for us. How amazing this is. Speaking straight to my heart. Having our own precious boy this year makes me stop and see Christmas in a new light. A mothers eyes are different than that of a young woman. A different love, understanding and depth fill your heart when you think about Mary having her own baby boy in her arms, knowing He was the King of Kings. What must that be like?
I look at my own little chunky boy and love his expressions, his smell, his squishy thighs, his deep belly laughs and I can't imagine knowing what Mary did.
There is a love that fills my very being for God. For the loving gift He is. How great He loves me to suffer so on this earth for me. The one question that keeps coming back to my mind is almost haunting me...what are you doing for Him?
I keep asking this, or hearing this and I am wondering just how caught up I am in the lights, decorations, cookies, family time, gifts, and on and on the list goes. Am I stopping to listen? Am I wanting to listen? Am I searching Him out, like He is me?
I keep reading what others are doing, or say their doing to keep Christ in Christmas. But it's so much more personal for me...I don't want to tell others all the things I'm doing to keep it simple, keep it focused...
I guess I just want Him to be my gift this Christmas. His love is what I want to be filled with. I think of all the things we do, and all the things we get, this one thing will be my one want, my need.

first tree

2010-12-09T23:21:00.000-05:00

We finally got around to decorating our tree! We've had it for over a week now but we really took our time this year. Almost every year we are so tired and grumpy (make that I am so tired and grumpy) after picking it out, taking it home, setting it in the stand, it's too much to think about lights and ornaments. So this year we spread it out on different nights. We let our tree 'drop' for a few days, then we did lights, then we let it 'drop' some more, until we both felt ready to decorate. It was fun, I made some hot cocoa, played some holiday music and watched Oliver's little face as we brought out our collection of ornaments.
Since we've been married we've been collecting ornaments wherever we go on trips together. It's been fun each year to see this collection grow and to remember when we bought each one. This year we also started getting ornaments just for Oliver. I would love for him to have his own collection from growing up, for that one day far away when he has his own tree.
It's so much fun to watch him experience everything for the first time. Even though he doesn't understand much, his look of awe and fascination is darling. I'm so in love with my men, and so very thankful for them. This year is so special to us. Looking back at last year, I remember surprising our parents with the news of Oliver's upcoming arrival. Now here we are with him in our lives and it's amazing how quickly it's flown by.

But we are making memories, such good memories, and that's what will really stick with us through the years.

Fever

2010-12-07T12:47:00.000-05:00

Oliver suffered through his first fever this past weekend. I didn't know he was even coming down with anything, but I did notice a little congestion on Friday afternoon. That night when we were heading to bed he had woken up and I felt his hot little body and forehead. He had a temp of 101. I tried not to freak out- Jonah was much better at this than I was. We let him sleep as much as he could, although he woke up early, and I called the pediatrician for advice. We gave him infant Tylenol, but I think it only bothered his stomach. I have read how fevers are actually good for us, and the reason our bodies heat up is to kill the infection that is in our body. Because he is so little and because I'm a mom, I wanted him to have no pain and I wanted to do whatever I could to help him.
It was a lot holding and cuddling these last few days, as well as interrupted sleep at night, suctioning out his nose, vicks, picking up a humidifier on Craigslist, splitting the day with Jonah to stay at home with our boy...and then right when he was starting to feel better I came down with a fever.
So now I feel terrible, but my sweet little boy is feeling better.
He does still have goop in his nose that comes out with sneezes....yum right?
But he isn't whimpering and sad anymore. What a difference it was to see him sick, and no I didn't like it! Poor little thing didn't know why he was feeling bad, but he did know mom and dad will snuggle with him. And do I feel like we spoiled him? Not at all.
I'm a strict, stay on schedule kind of girl, but when your baby is sick I think it all goes out the window.

6 months

2010-12-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's true. Oliver is six months old today. How can this be? Did we really welcome him into the world six long months ago?
How precious these days have been. Parenthood is wonderful, and we both love love love our little boy. And what a chunka monka he is!
Today was his six month appt. and he weighed in at just over 18 lbs. I'm so proud of him. He has been exclusively breastfed and I know I'm giving him the best he can get. And to think about all that nonsense back in the hospital when the doctors were trying to make us give him formula. God knew I had the desire to only breastfeed, no matter how hard it would be, and he honored that. I'm so glad I stuck it out. I've been reading more about it lately and I'm amazed at how God made women to nourish their children. I'm thankful for how easy Oliver took to it.
I encourage other moms to try nursing, don't give up easily. Determine to stick it through. There are so many that can help you. Drink lots of water. My sister who has 8 children always told me that, and it's true. Drink drink drink! Get your rest, eat well, take your vitamins and drink...and work at it. It's a kind of dance- you have to learn the steps and you have to learn the roles. The two of you will find your rhythm and when you do it's like second nature.
So we are now halfway through his first year, and it's been so much fun. I think this phase is even more fun because of how animated he's become.
He is sitting up like a pro, and the doctor even gave him praise for his amazing coordination for only six months. What a big boy!
So six months...time for another big photoshoot of our little rolly boy!

November already?

2010-11-30T18:53:00.001-05:00

cloth diapers!

Has it really been three weeks since I posted? My it's been a crazy November. First foods, cloth diapers, thanksgiving, new niece...and here we are looking at December-tomorrow.
Something about having a baby makes time stand still. At least it stood still for our new little family. The world kept spinning, but we savored each new day together. It was wonderful to be home together for the whole summer. Once we headed back to work it was weird that fall had arrived. Now here we are facing Christmas and I'm amazed at where the last year went.
This Thanksgiving we had so many things to be thankful for. This year has been incredible. God has blessed us unabashedly and I'm so grateful. I know how undeserving I am of even the smallest gift from Him and His generosity is SO great and SO big.
Looking back to last year when I found out I was pregnant started a new way of praying for me. I was scared, for so many reasons. I knew I wanted to be home with our babies when the time came and looking ahead financially I saw no way of this immediately happening. So we prayed. Jonah and I made a list in that first trimester of all the things we needed. We listed even the smallest little thing that mattered to us. Some items; pack-n-play, changing table, bassinet, glider/ottoman, stroller, Dr. Brown bottles, video monitor, nursing pump...and on it goes. We prayed for the delivery, for those that would assist in bringing our son into the world. We prayed and read through a devotional together faithfully. And now I can look at this list and see each item crossed off. In some way God provided for us. It was the neatest thing to see how He did- in so many unexpected ways. Through friends, family and generous loving hands we have been blessed over and over again.
Other things we prayed for- a house to rent, within our same one bedroom apt. rate- and don't you know we are now in a 3 bedroom house that we prayed for? I sit in our glider and ottoman and remember when we found it on Craigslist after a very long 6 month search for one in our price range and in the brand we wanted. I now rock our sweet son in it at night. There are so many things that were given to us I know we have both been overwhelmed.
I'm not posting this to be boastful, not in a worldly sense. But to say how thankful I am that God cares enough to listen to our littlest requests, right down to having maternity clothes ( a friend let me borrow a huge chest of clothes). Why was I afraid? I look at our son and continue to thank God for how good He is to His children.
Meanwhile, back to this month. We entered into the world of cloth diapers. Not that I was planning to do this. I have always cringed at the thought of cloth diapers. The work, the smell. Not appealing to me. But I have friends that love it. I had been researching it for a friend and lo and behold I started to take interest in it. I ended up picking up a couple (thinking all along what am I thinking?). So I washed them, and put them together (pocket diapers) and put them on Oliver. And guess what? By day 2 or 3 of trying them out I realized they aren't all that bad. All those premonitions I had about the horrors of cloth diapering are no longer there. It's really not that bad. It's pretty easy actually. Given this is my first experience, I'd say it's not bad at all. I may post more on this later. But really for the money you are saving, the toxins you are avoiding (the little gel balls that leak out of saturated disposables), and the little bum you are cushioning with luxurious softness, I think it may be worth it.

first food

2010-11-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

Oliver had his first taste of food this weekend. Yesterday morning actually. He is about 5 and a half months old now. I suppose this comes as 'late' for some people. But neither of us were in any hurry to give him foods. I've been exclusively breast-feeding him since birth. And I love it. I love how he looks up at me, how he makes little noises, and sighs and smiles. Having his warm little body next to me is so wonderfully yummy. I think I will always look back at this time and smile with the genuine bonding that comes from it all. Not that I thought this way about breast-feeding while I was pregnant. No, I actually had so many doubts about nursing.
Would I be able to?
Would my son take to it?
Would it be hard?
Would it be awkward-socially?
Would it hurt?
On and on. I always had the thought that I would definitely try and if it didn't work well there was always a bottle of formula.
That all changed when he was born. I'm not sure what made me so gung ho about breast only, but I decided and determined (once I make up my mind about something it's hard to change!) to breast-feed. I prayed it would work out. And I was blessed by God to be able to enter into nursing easily. Oliver latched on from the beginning. And while I'd say it took a good two months to get in a good groove- a comfortable one too- it has been a great experience. And easy too!
He has never shown hunger signs (and it shows in his rolls) so I felt no need to rush foods. But he has been watching us intently and we thought we would try some food to see what he did.
Choosing the right food was a whole different thing. I finally decided to give him real food instead of tasteless rice cereal. Even though I have a box of organic rice cereal eagerly waiting us in the pantry....hmm what to do with that now.
I roasted and pureed some butternut squash and gave it to Oliver warm. He loved it. He actually lurched for the spoon. Well it could be the fact he lurches for anything to go in his mouth these days...but he ate some and seemed okay with it.
So we did it- we entered into the great big world of foods. We are still not rushing him to eat, since he is still nursing. We are just trying a little here and there. It's so much fun to see how he reacts to new things. He is so easygoing and I am grateful for that. Jonah is so easygoing too...must be like father like son. Oh how I love my men!
And here is my little man, loving his squash.

maybe I lied

2010-11-13T09:45:00.002-05:00

Okay so you know the story about the little boy that cried wolf?
I kind of feel like that now...I decided to leave my blog open. I debated about this before. Posting that I would close it, and make it private. But for right now I decided once again to leave it open.
I know I'm crying wolf...sorry. Sorry if I lied. I think I'll continue on.
I was looking back at all my posts on here, and memories come back with certain ones, pictures are laced in and make me smile. It's almost like a scrapbook. Ack! I don't scrapbook, so it's funny that I should say that. But I have kept this blog for two years. TWO years! How did that happen? How did time go that quickly?
So here I am. Yes I lied. I'll try not to do it again. But I can't promise I won't cry wolf again.

Closing my blog

2010-11-10T20:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I did a silly thing. I signed up for some free shutterfly cards online. To get these cards you had to give them your blog address... I didn't think long enough about it and gave mine away. Now that I've had more than 5 minutes to think about it I am regretting it. I really don't want some perverted weirdos out there accessing my personal writings and photos.
On that note, I'm closing my blog to the public. If you would still like to follow me and read my ponderings, please send me your email and I'll add you in to have access.
I know maybe I'm paranoid, but in this world I'm learning the less you put out there the better off you are.
I'll probably turn off my public blog in a couple days. I do so appreciate those of you out there that read my little stories and antics. Love you all, and hope to see you still.

Changes

2010-10-21T22:28:00.000-04:00

As I write I can hear our little Oliver grunting and mumbling out his bed time sleepy noises as he falls asleep in his crib. How precious it is to hear this through the monitor in our room. I was watching him sleep in my sweet husbands arms and it's amazing to me how much he's grown.
More so how much we have grown. Pregnancy was wonderful. I can say there were some hard times through it, but here we are on the other side and all I can remember are the special parts of it all. The roundness of my belly, feeling the little kicks and turns of my son, rubbing my belly knowing he was right there listening to me, hearing my voice and my heart beating. Knowing he was with me everywhere I went and that it was just the two of us, was pretty special. I knew that the day was coming when he would be born and I'd have to share him with the world. I was thankful for the time together. I'm not sure if all pregnant women feel that way, but I did.
But I also remember how scary it was to think about what our lives would be like after he arrived. Would we be changed forever, never to remember the days without kids? Everyone said that we would forget and never remember our lives without him. Well, I do remember the days without him. I love the days with him too. Both sides fill my heart. Of course this side has only begun. But I also think it's important to just be thankful where you are. I'm thankful for the years it was just Jonah and I. Now I'm thankful for the three of us.
I'm just grateful tonight. For my loving husband. For our son.
Life has changed us, he has changed us. He makes me love harder, deeper, longer. He makes me want to provide only the best for him. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me forget about the superficial things in life, like perfect makeup, hair, body, house. Everything doesn't have to be perfect in the eyes of your child because they love you regardless.
I never even thought about how he would change me like this. Change for the good, change for what matters the most.
I still have my fears, of not being the perfect mom. Not being the perfect wife. Or daughter, or friend.
And I know that no one is perfect and that I'll slip up and continue to make mistakes. Yet I'm praying that I will be what God has for me to be, and to be content with that. And I know He is hearing me, and helping me to continue to grow and be the woman He has for me. And again I'm grateful.

Rolls

2010-10-20T07:57:00.000-04:00

I was playing with lighting last night, using the Speedlight SB 800, off camera. Love my boys rolls!!

four and a half months

fall

2010-10-16T21:43:00.000-04:00

four months

2010-10-10T20:04:00.001-04:00

We've been busy enjoying Jonah's birthday week. He had a birthday on Wednesday and since it was during a work week, we waited and had some friends over on Saturday. So between planning for his special day and for his get together I have been busy.
Oliver has been growing and learning so much. He's already 4 months now, since October 2! I can't believe how fast it's going by.
He rolled over yesterday for the first time too. We kind of missed it. One minute he was on his back playing on his playmat, the next Jonah looked over at him and said 'Hey he rolled over'! He was on his belly. We are waiting for him to do it again, but he hasn't yet. He's also getting good at sitting up, even if it's still leaning forward and a little precarious, he started this last week.
Here he is four months old and growing...we took him to the playground yesterday and put him in a big boy swing, he seemed to really like it!

Love

2010-10-07T21:50:00.001-04:00

There is nothing sweeter than holding our sleeping son, and feeling his warm little body mold against mine as I carry him up the stairs. Tucking him in for the night and walking back to our room to pass by his empty bassinet brings sweet memories back. I realize how quickly time has gone by. How yesterday we took him home from the hospital and tomorrow he'll be going off to college. Maybe that's a huge leap but it is passing all too quickly.
My heart has so many good memories that fill me up to overflowing. The love I share for our child is amazing. Maybe it's the unbelievable amount of trust he has in us his parents. The unconditional love and reliance on us. I've never been responsible for something or someone so completely helpless. It's amazing.
I can't help but relate this relationship to the one I share with Christ. How much greater does He love me? Can I even fathom that. Am I utterly helpless without Him? Do I cry out to Him and know in my heart He is right there comforting me and loving me without fail?
My heart is going through some changes and I'm grateful. I want to grow. I want to need Him more. I want what He wants for me.
I'm thankful for what He is showing me through others. Showing me through our son.
Sometimes my heart feels so full I feel like I could cry. Good tears of joy.
I only pray I can feel this way about all that God has done for me and all He is doing now.

Daily reading

2010-09-29T10:32:00.000-04:00

I have a daily devotional emailed to me at my work email. Today's was a good reminder to me to continue to read the Word daily. I have always struggled with finding the right 'devotional'. Whether it's a book of insightful daily blurbs, or a thorough study guide, I have never really found one that was wonderful or that kept me interested consistently. I finally just decided to keep it simple and only read from the Bible. Sometimes it's a chapter, sometimes more. But I am slowly just reading through one book at a time. I'm in the New Testament and I started in Galatians. I am now in 1 Timothy. I have also made it my prayer to have a desire and passion for the Word. This alone is important, because it's hard to make yourself passionate about it. I believe God is showing me so many things through His word lately and I can say for once I feel like I'm retaining more than I ever have. I almost don't want to say that because I know Satan hates to know we are learning and growing in God's precious Word.
But today I didn't take the time to read and I read over my daily devotional and was again reminded how important it is to slow down and make time.
Here is a portion from it:

George Müeller is someone most all Christians have heard about. The stories of his faith and prayer have taught many the importance of believing God’s ability to provide. Yet few note his diligence in studying God’s Word. He wasn’t simply a man who prayed and saw God’s blessings, but a man who spent time with God and developed a close relationship with God through studying His Word. Müeller had the following to say about his time studying the Bible:

“I look upon it as a lost day when I have not had a good time over the Word of God. Friends often say, ‘I have so much to do, so many people to see, I cannot find time for Scripture study.’ Perhaps there are not many who have more to do than I. For more than half a century I have never known one day when I had not more business than I could get through. For 4 years I have had annually about 30,000 letters, and most of these have passed through my own hands. Then, as pastor of a church with 1,200 believers, great has been my care. Besides, I have had charge of five immense orphanages; also, at my publishing depot, the printing and circulating of millions of tracts, books, and Bibles; but I have always made it a rule never to begin work until I have had a good season with God and His Word. The blessing I have received has been wonderful.”

yard sale'in

2010-09-26T18:17:00.000-04:00

So we woke up pretty early yesterday morning, thank you Oliver.
It is the norm for us now...gone are the days of sleeping in. Well at least really sleeping in, for us sleeping past 7 is a treat! But it was a beautiful fall morning and we took advantage of it by heading out to some community yard sales. It was so much fun walking around in the beautiful fall weather. Finally a relief from the horrible heat here.
We found some great deals too and took home some games, toys, and clothes for our boy. It's always so much fun to find high quality things for next to nothing. 'New' clothes for Oliver at $1 a piece is hard to beat. Name brand even, like baby Gap which I adore.
We also found the tiniest little tie for him. We actually got this thrown into another purchase for free. So this morning I got to dress him up with it on for church.
It was too darn cute! I dressed him and sat him in the glider while we ate breakfast and Jonah nudged me to look over at our son, and there he was holding the tie in his hand. I guess he somehow pulled it off and accidentally got it tucked in his little hand, and was smiling over there to beat all.
So it was kind of a little bit of work to keep it on, but worth the cuteness! I love my men so much, they are so handsome, and so wonderful. God has been good to give them to me, and I'm so very grateful.

3 months and growing

2010-09-21T08:56:00.000-04:00

love his chunky cheeks!

Almost at the four month mark, but here is where our Oliver is today.
Sleeping 8+ hours a night. He started this a couple weeks ago once we transitioned him to his own crib (from bassinet). Sitting up with our hand supporting him. LOVES to stand on our laps or anywhere we help him stand. Eating every 3.5-4 hours. Almost laughing...we are waiting to see if he'll start this soon. He grins and kind of makes a coo right now. Talking more and more. Growing like a weed. He's over 15 lbs. now and keeps on growing. He's long too, with big feet!
We met up with our group of families from our Bradley birthing class the other night. It was so much fun to see everyones babies. The last time we saw each other we were all pregnant. Oliver is the only boy in the group of 4 other girls. So he's quite the stud :) He is also the youngest of the group but he certainly isn't dwarfed in size. His feet are bigger than one of the 5 month old girls! What a chunk, I love it!
Here he is now, such a sweetheart. We are having soo much fun with our boy.

loves his sock monkey!

Goodness

2010-09-16T18:37:00.002-04:00

Goodness is,

Listening to my dear husband and son take a catnap together,

Cooking dinner with fresh from the garden ingredients,

Enjoying the fulness of a fridge filled with -from-the-farm-yesterday- fruits and veggies,

Watching my son grin with his toothless, gummy, heart shaped mouth,

Quiet mornings reading from the Word and having an old verse feel brand new to you,

Finding out organic baby food is on sale for B1G1 and I have coupons,

Finishing up the evening with dinner done, bellies full and baby bathed, aaaah, contentment,

Yes it's the little things that fill the soul with happy goodness, like warm creamy tapioca pudding.

Think I'll do this more often.

3 month milestone, and future food plans

2010-09-13T08:26:00.001-04:00

Guess who is sleeping through the night? All of us! Oliver has been on a roll, the past couple nights. We finally made the transition from bassinet to crib and it's been rough not having him near us, but it's good for all of us for him to get more sleep- which means we get more sleep.
I was beginning to think I'd have to always get in that 2 or 3a.m. feeding! He is past 3 months old now so it's time, I'd say.
We had a busy weekend, filled with grocery shopping and painting. We finally painted our downstairs bathroom that was dying to have paint on it's walls. The walls were stripped down, because some hideous wallpaper was on them, so it looks nice and fresh now. I didn't realize how much work it was to paint such a small room, but I'm glad it's done. We also spent a good chunk of our time getting groceries.
Now if you have read any of my blog you know I'm a couponer. I have recently gotten into even more, so I spent a good portion of time, organizing and planning out what sales were where and what coupons I have. It's really a strategy, but in the end so worth it if you make time for it. We ended up getting a good deal at CVS- using my CVS card to earn Extra Care Bucks. (did you even know about these??) We spent around $36, but received $15 ECB, which equals cash at CVS. We also bought some stuff for great prices- a huge package of Pampers for only $17 + a coupon for $1 off , 2 packs of wipes (72 count) for $5, and I also had a Revlon coupon and applied that to a sale they had on makeup.
Our grocery stores here are Publix and Kroger, and we went to both- Publix for some B1G1 sales, and Kroger for some great meat sales. It's so exciting to stretch your dollars and pay for your necessities for a low price. It's like your beating the system somehow.
Another new thing we are going to try this week is something called Farmers Market Baskets. They are fresh produce baskets literally delivered from local farms and are filled with the seasons fresh fruits and veggies. You can order them and pick up either organic or traditional baskets and they seem to be a good price. The only thing about them is that it's all seasonal stuff so you may get a bunch of new things you don't normally buy. But I think it will be good for us to make us try new things. Good for our bodies too to have different vitamins given to us! So that is Thursday, I'm excited to see whats in our basket!
My ultimate goal is to start weaning out processed, and sugary foods. Especially once Oliver starts eating foods, I'm planning on making my own food for him-yikes, I know- but I've seen it done through a friend and if I can just make some time to cook batches and freeze it, I know it will be worth it. But thats not for a little while still. I'm excited about it though. If anyone out there has any good tips about making babyfood, I'd love to hear from you!
On another note, we are taking Olivers 3 month photos this week, and I'm excited about it. I'll have to post some when we get them done!
He has been growing leaps and bounds and the last time we weighed him he was around 15 lbs., what a chunker. We love to kiss his rolly legs and buddah belly, and squeeze his chunky little cheeks. He has also started to kick so hard now. We lay him down on his playmat and his whole body goes at it, almost like he's swimming! He just started kicking harder at bathtime too, and I get soaked after his bath! I love it, it makes me laugh! He is doing much better in his bumbo now too, especially since I put his tray on it, so he can see whatever toy I put in front of him. He has been grabbing onto things and likes one toy in particular that is a big horse with a little rider on it that makes lots of crinkly noises when he touches it. It goes right to the mouth as everything does these days.
He's been drooling more and more and I'm thinking bibs may need to be broken out soon. I'm so excited to feel a chill in the air here lately, and I'm holding my breath hoping fall weather will arrive. I LOVE fall!! And this year is so exciting having Oliver here to share it with. We have so much we want to show him too, like pumpkins and orchards, leaves and all the fun seasonal things yet to come. It's going to be a very special time for us. Oliver has also grown out of newborn stuff, and a lot of his 0-3 month stuff. He's in the 3-6 month range now, and I'm trying to see what fall stuff we have for him. He's been growing so fast, it won't surprise me if he can start fitting into some of his bigger stuff in the back of the closet (the 6-9 month). I have a box in his room that I am starting to fill with things he no longer fits, sigh. I'm thrilled to see him grow, but it's kinda sad to put his teeny tiny things away!
Well, I better end there, work is calling me. Have a wonderful Monday.

Thrush, the dreaded stuff

2010-09-09T22:34:00.001-04:00

Okay so it's been a while since I've been here. Life has been busy, and thats my excuse. We have been out to visit family, had a friend stay overnight, shot some newborn photo-shoots, watched our sweet little turn 3 months, joined up a small group Bible study on Wednesday nights, and all the other ordinary in between stuff that makes life tick.
I am just coming off of a sugar/bread fast that I was on for the last week. Sweet Oliver had thrush for the past month and in an effort to thwart off the nasty stuff I put myself on a no sugar no yeast diet, and I added organic live cultured plain greek yogurt to my daily diet. First off, sugar is in everything it seems...yeast is in almost as much, and the yogurt kind of makes me gag a little. I never realized how much I was craving or eating the processed white sweetness. I still stuck to fruits for natural sugar, but I swear I've never been faced with so many tempting goodies. I had just finished baking apple danish (right next to the brownies) when I started my fast. So I looked at them longingly for the past week....not to mention the Ben and Jerry's we have stashed in the freezer, which I haven't touched yet. It took some willpower to say no! And this included fudgy frosted cake and homeade icecream over Labor Day weekend.
But I did it, and tonight I ate a piece of apple danish.
However it has taught me a lot, like how much sugar I actually eat in a day, and how I really need to cut back, and hopefully replace with more natural sweeteners, like honey. It's amazing how yeast in your body can produce so many bad things, starting with your gut, bowels, etc.
I have been able to tell a difference in my overall moods being even (no highs or lows from sugar rush), my stomach has never felt better, including my bowels (tmi?), this in part from lack of processed sugar, and the live cultures in the yogurt. Amazing stuff.
I think I'll have to do this more often, and start cutting down sweets regularly. Funny thing is that once you get past the hump of craving sweets (you do desperately in the beginning because of the yeast in your body wanting it, yeast feeds on sugar) you kind of mellow out and get used to eating healthier foods and fruits. Willpower. Thats all I can say.
And Oliver is doing great, and I don't see signs of thrush now. He's still finishing up his medicine but I'm happy to no longer see it in his mouth.

Meanwhile, we have had the privilege of doing two newborn shoots recently. Here are some shots from them:

sweet little Ella

pretty little girl, only 5 lbs.

tiny little doll

johnny was a big boy at almost 10 lbs.

Johnny

inspired

2010-08-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

I was home today with Oliver, and I love love love being home with him! I'm so very thankful for the two days a week I get to stay home with our boy. I work the other three, then of course have weekends off, so all in all it's not that bad.
Anyways, we had a marvelous day together and I introduced him to some nursery rhyme songs, which are surprisingly easy to sing along to, and surprisingly easy to dance and make a fool of yourself to...Well I don't think Oliver thought me a fool, but he did enjoy the show, and smiled and smiled.
I spent some time cleaning and doing the necessary things that make me feel better and settled about our home like laundry, empty dishwasher, clean bathroom etc. good stuff I know, but in between that I checked email and facebook, and went on rabbit trails online, which is all too easy to do.
I checked out some friends photos and found myself pretty impressed and slightly jealous of some nursery pictures. Okay so I know it's wrong to be jealous and I got over myself after a while.
Here we are finally moved into our very first house and I still haven't completed our boy's nursery.
Okay so we haven't completed all the rooms yet, including our own.
So what's the hold up?
Well, work, having an infant, and not being moved in all that long is the holdup. That and money of course. We don't have extra money for decorative items or cans of paint or curtains...it's a lot more space to fill up than an apartment. But I'm not worried about filling it up with stuff, rather I'd just like to finish putting up what we do have. Our frames and decorative items, that are waiting for us stacked up by the wall. We know it's a lot to hang stuff so we've been saving that for last.
Back to the nursery. So I decided that I'm going to finish Oliver's room, and I'm so very excited about it. I have secretly dreamed about decorating a nursery for years, and I can't believe I haven't completed it yet. You think I would jump at the chance to design one!
Lack of sleep is a big factor, I seem to lose my creative ambition when I'm tired, and lately I'm wondering what it feels like to not be tired...when did I actually sleep through the night and then some?? Seems like a lifetime ago!!
I spent some time browsing through some websites and I can say I'm utterly inspired! We already have his crib, bedding, furniture and closet all set up and organized. I just want to finish painting his furniture, and hanging his stuff on the walls. Maybe finding a lamp and small throw rug too. I'd love to get a shaggy style for when he's sitting up and can enjoy the texture of it. I'd also love to squeeze in a chair in his room, a rocking one, but I don't think there's room...maybe in the guest bedroom next door.
But I'm so thrilled to start this project. I am working on a sewing project just for him with his name, I'll have to post pictures of, so it's a start at least.
Then I'll work on our room....Or I'll include our room while I take on the nursery. I am just excited and inspired to add all the touches that make our house our home!

Fist

2010-08-19T21:10:00.000-04:00

Here's our Oliver 10 weeks old, discovering his fist! It's so much fun to watch him learn new things.
He also made another milestone at 10 weeks, and slept through the night! I'm so proud of our boy!

Back at work

2010-08-18T07:59:00.000-04:00

I'm back to work again. I had a nice break with my family in town and it was so nice to be home with them. It was wonderful not to have to drop off our sweet son either! I can honestly say last week it was a little easier to drop him off on Wednesday, but maybe because I knew I'd be home with him until this Wednesday. Needless to say this morning it WAS NOT easy. I felt the sadness creep in again, and I felt the sting of tears again. Once more I headed to work determined to work hard towards our goal of me being home with him.
I honestly know that I do enjoy having a work life. BUT I don't enjoy dropping off our boy. So what's the perfect world? To have him with me and work. I'm not sure if I would be as productive....I wonder abou that. So it leads me to praying for the right situation. Right now I know this is the right decision, I have peace about it, even though it does hurt. I honestly know it's the right thing right now. And isn't that how we go along in life? Praying for the right decision at the moment we need it, not worrying about tomorrow and what it will hold. I think God reveals the now instead of the later because He knows it's all we can handle.
I'm excited as I look towards the future to see what God has in store for us. He knows our goals and dreams and He is the only one that knows my true heart. What is even more exciting is that all the dreams I have now may change into something even more wonderful as I give them over to Him and watch it all unfold.
So I'm holding onto Him to get me through and staying busy busy in the meantime.

10 weeks

2010-08-17T22:55:00.001-04:00

My how much can happen by week 10! We've really seen such a change in Oliver this past week, week number 10. He's so much more active, and talking more and more. It makes us smile to see how much he's growing.
My family came to visit us this past week and we had such a nice time introducing them to little Oliver and visiting with them. It's been about a year since I've seen them, including my nephew. My nephew has grown so much too! I saw him at 4 months and now he's huge at 17 months, and so busy! Kind of gave us a preview of what to expect in the next year!
We had so much fun catching up though, and watching the little ones interact.
While we were at Cracker Barrel for dinner last night, Oliver made another milestone marker. He was sitting there in his little car seat and we looked over and saw him with his little fist in the air with his gaze focused completely on it. Just watching it move. It was so adorable to see him finally notice his very own fist, and so funny! He just kept staring at it and moving it, then would drop it down and forget, only to go back and do it again later.
I'm sure this is probably not exciting stuff to those that have several children, but going through these milestones with our own baby is so much fun!! It's amazing to see them grow and realize how very quickly it happens.
He also sat in his bumbo for the first time and sat up like a champ. No problem for him! He was talking up a storm tonight and making us laugh. We have a feeling there will be many more nights like these to come.
So milestones for 10 weeks:
discovered fist
talking and cooing more and more
sitting up straighter
first tear!
slept through the night!

learning

2010-08-06T19:45:00.001-04:00

Do you see it? The little square picture that has the word "trust".
My what a reminder I have had of that this morning. As we stopped by our caregivers home and dropped off Oliver, I swallowed tears as I told her all about his schedule. As I kissed his sweet face goodbye and turned to leave, oh how it hurt. I felt like I was betraying him in a weird way. Turning my back on him, handing him off. And my heart cried, " I'm not handing you off sweet boy, I love you so very much and I want to keep you with me, I want to hold you close to my heart and smell your sweet head and hear your little coos,and squeeze you and love you."
But I was brave...
for all of thirty seconds once we got in the car. Jonah turned to me and saw my scrunched face and said, "It's okay, it's okay to cry". And I did. I cried and hurt and sat quietly in the car thinking of our boy, getting farther and farther away from us as we drove to work.
In all of this I got angry. Why God? Why can't I be home with him? Is this the answer we've been praying for?
And I was discouraged, which snowballed into a lack of hope. Hopeless that we will ever be able to afford for me to be home.
And then I read my massive amounts of email waiting for me patiently on my computer.
And here's something I read in one of my daily devotionals:
God is honored when His people give back to Him what He has given them.
And I stopped and read it again. How tightly have I been holding onto Oliver? Pretty dang tight.
This is not the first time I've been reminded of this. Just last night I was mindful of this as well. I realized that we have not dedicated our son to God. The One who made him. The One who gave him to us.
And it's not so much the time or age that bother me, but the heart of the matter. Am I holding so tightly to him that I am not trusting God to take care of Oliver? Do I think I'm the only one that can care and love and teach Oliver?
I know my heart says, yes it's up to you, your his mom! But I also know my carnal flesh wants to be selfish and find a way to do everything my way, or the highway.
So here I come back to the simple little word again- trust.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thine ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.
This verse was also in one of my readings. Hmm. Do you think maybe there's a theme here that keeps being repeated to me?
Trust, trust,trust.
So back to the picture above...I had pulled up Etsy to check on my shop, and that little image was on the first page. I don't even know what the item is or who the seller is, but my eyes fell on that one little word again, trust. And my heart moved, a little of rebellion- maybe I don't want to trust. And a little out of weariness, I need to trust.
And I know deep down what I have to do. Trust in my Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my understandings....like having to work right now, and having some one else watch Oliver...in all my ways acknowledge Him...am I really doing this in all my ways? and He shall direct my paths.
Wow it's a powerful verse and I am finding myself winding it in and out in my mind, like a fine thread woven across fabric. So many things to learn, and from one verse. My heart just cries out now to God, for forgiveness of not trusting, for leaning on our own understanding instead of His, and for not acknowledging Him in all my ways, including caring for Oliver.

Back to work, oh my heart...

2010-08-05T20:48:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow looms in front of me. Tomorrow I go to work. Tomorrow Oliver will go to someone else's house. My heart lurches...can it do that? I can taste the tears of having to say goodbye to him in the early morning hours, knowing someone else will be watching him coo, watching him smile and laugh, listening to him eat hungrily and watch his little toes flex and move as he eats.
Someone else will be smelling his sweet head, feeling his downy hair, so soft and whispery thin, but so velvety soft.
Tomorrow I'll be back to work, back to my computer, back to my desk, back to my chair and back to the busy work world. But I'll be missing my boy.
My work is truly now just that, work.
It's a means to and end, and the end is getting paid.
Oh my heart hurts for the time I'll be away from our boy. Will he miss me? Will he wonder where his mama is? Will he cry waiting for me to pick him up and snuggle him and tell him I'm there and it's okay?
Oh, please I hope he doesn't cry out for me, it's more than I can take to think about that.
Is this the right decision? Right now I can say my heart screams NO, keep that boy with you, raise him up to be a strong and loving man.
But I don't see another choice right now. If ever there was a wall to hit, I feel I'm hitting mine now. Nowhere else to turn, Oh Lord is there any other way? Will this truly get easier?
Do I really want it to get easier?

two months

2010-08-04T23:16:00.001-04:00

can't get enough of these tiny hands...

our sweet boy.

was trying to take a nap, and mom kept taking pictures!

can't get enough of these toes...

can you stay this tiny forever, so I can keep kissing these tiny delicious little feet?

Exhaustion

2010-07-26T17:17:00.002-04:00

I'm so exhausted. I realized that today as I watched Oliver finally settle down for a nap and I plopped down on our bed. After some interrupted text messages from my phone (must remember to silence it when I nap next time) I didn't really get much of a nap.
I thought I could manage and be superwoman after Oliver was born, but boy oh boy was I in for a shocker! Between the c-section, nursing, moving into a new home, nursing, unpacking, nursing, unpacking, errands to pick up needed items, cleaning, unpacking, nursing, cleaning our old apartment, unpacking here, more cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, unpacking, did I mention nursing?
I feel like I am not catching up on sleep....which means I get grumpy and I hate that. I tend to over-exaggerate when I'm tired, emotionally. Everything seems so much bigger and harder when I'm tired.
Today I just prayed and asked Jesus to hold me up, because I can't do it anymore. Maybe I should have prayed that a long time ago, and maybe I should have listened to more people telling me to take it easy...but it's been hard to do that since there are things that must be done.
Jonah. What a wonderful man. Can I just dote on him for the rest of the day? He has been such a hard working, helpful and loving supportive man. What a wonderful dad he is, and husband to me. He has been breaking his back (is that a phrase?) pulling the load of two or more people. Between all the moving ( he moved us and our neighbor/landlord as part of a deal for us to move earlier and not have to pay extra rent), all the diaper duties, and bringing Oliver to me in the beginning when I couldn't move, and all the unpacking, re arranging, fixing things, mowing our lawn and our neighbor in 100 degree weather, and picking up extra work- which means extra money for us, he has been so strong and helpful and I'm so very very thankful for him. I feel horrible when I have a grumpy butt attitude, and then I complain. Then I feel horrible again. I just need to stop and breathe and realize the unpacking and last little things (shelf hanging, painting etc.) will still be there ready for us when we get to it. No hurry. I just have to tell myself no hurry. Nevermind if I wanted to host a gathering here this month- guess I can push it to next month. Nevermind my family is coming here in August. Nevermind I start back in work in August. Nevermind our schedule is about to completely change with us both going to work again.
Sigh, trying not to get overwhelmed here.
I know now why they say the first few months are so exhausting....

Okay I have kept a semi private blog throughout my pregnancy and I just went back and read a post that really encouraged me, it's amazing to think back to those preggo days and realize how quickly the time is flying by now that our precious boy is here in our arms. Here's the post from May 1- almost a month before he was born:

SATURDAY, MAY 1, 2010

into the world

It was another night of little sleep for me. So I finally ended up getting up around 7 this morning on a Saturday. I was looking through photoshoots of professional newborn photographers and it struck me that Jonah and I are going through the easy part right now as we prepare for our baby's birth. I'm sad in a way that he will be born- as funny as that sounds, because he will then be out here in this big world. A scary world, but lovely too. It's then the real work begins. No more concerns over coordinated bedding and cute little clothes, how to swaddle, or where we will set up the crib. It's time to start training our son, leading him and showing him how much God loves him.
My what a big responsibility that is. I love our son, with all his little movements and his unknown face. I love him for how safe and warm he is right now, and I'm thinking ahead to when he will be here. No longer in the womb and I wonder if it's normal to feel a sense of loss, that he will no longer be with me in that sense again. I can only pray for God's presence throughout the birth and next phase of our life. That He fills me again- not to be pregnant right away, but to be ready to train up our son.
So many emotions are present in a pregnancy it can be overwhelming. Overwhelmed at how much I can love him and he's not here yet. Will we be good parents? I don't doubt that, I know we will love him and care for him to the best of our ability. Jonah is such a good husband and friend, I know he will be an amazing father. We have the capability to love so strongly- because God loves us. He is the only one that can fill us with what we need, so we can give that back.
So I'll wait to welcome our son into this world, into our arms, and hearts and I'll treasure the days, as I know they will pass so quickly, much like the past 9 months!

Seven weeks

2010-07-22T19:33:00.000-04:00

It's been seven weeks already, and our Oliver is growing and thriving each day. We are having so much fun being parents, regardless of the little sleep. It's funny how whenever we take him out strangers like to ooh and ahh over him, and those few that have been there ask, " Are you getting any sleep?". To which I reply, "Not really!" But it is so worth it. I know these days will be gone before we know it and he will be running around and we'll miss his babyhood. So I'm trying to savor the moments, the cuddling, the sleeping baby on my chest, the soothing when he has a bellyache, the warm little bundle that we have grown to love so dearly.
In the move to our new house I packed up his baby book and have yet to uncover it...so I wanted to post some milestones for him through his first 7 weeks of life. See if I can remember:
Around week 2 or so he started smiling, big happy smiles.
Around week 5 he started having spit bubbles- producing more saliva in his glands I suppose.
Around week 6 he started noticing his toys and really started looking at them.
Yesterday on week 7 he reached up to me- I swear he did, because just when I thought he had just been flinging his hand around, he did it again, up to my face while looking at me and smiling and cooing. So precious!
His favorite things right now are definitely his swing with the little mobile that goes around. I put him in it and he lights up and just stares up at the mobile waiting for it to go! He will literally start smiling sometimes when he's looking at it. His baths are now so relaxing for him, and I know he likes them. Tonight I was rewarded with some smiles during it as I scrubbed him up. He loves to be talked to, he has since day one, he'll just look up and stare at you and add in his own little coos. I love hearing him! I thought I'd never say this about our own child but even his cries can sound cute to me. We are learning how to interpret his different cries, and have discovered his hurt one, whining one, and tired one. Tonight we discovered his- I'm just hungry one.

It's amazing being his mommy, and I'm so thankful for our gift from God. What's more amazing to me is that God loves us even more than we as parents love our little boy. What an awesome thought!

aww life

2010-07-19T22:19:00.000-04:00

My where has the summer gone? It is flying by so fast I can't believe it. But I always welcome the fall. It's amazing how you think you aren't ready to move on in life but as it goes by you find yourself ready for the next thing. I guess God made us that way, to take it one day at a time so that we don't get sick of something, kind of like the mannah he provided for the children of Israel.
I'm finding myself looking ahead to when the school year will start up and I'll be going back to work. How much different our life will be when we get back into the work world. It's been so nice to share our time together at home, I know we are blessed to be together- all three of us all summer.
I'm praying I'll be 'ready' when I do go back, with few tears and sadness :( I know it will be hard but I'm thankful I am only working 3 days a week, with hope and effort that I can minimize that even more in the near future. I know God has a plan for me and Jonah and Oliver and right now I'm just trusting we are making the right choice.
On another note, I'm loving being in a house. So much different from apartment living! Having room to spread out is amazing, we were so cramped in our little tiny space. I can finally put all of Oliver's things in his own room, and yesterday my dear sweet husband put together his lovely crib. I love it! I think Oliver does too, we turned on his mobile and he just looked and looked and smiled, and turned and checked out his fabulous bedding as well, I think he likes it!
Right now he's still near our bed in his bassinet but his day is coming soon when he'll sleep in his very own crib! So we have been slowly but surely making progress unpacking and unpacking and moving things around. So much fun to decide where we want everything to go! I can't wait until we unpack and get to finish the last touches- the pretty accents that make this home ours.
Here's a photo of Oliver in his new digs :) and we also wanted him to see what he thought of his giraffe toy- he won't be riding for a while, but oh so cute.

Home

2010-07-16T13:46:00.000-04:00

We are home! At least moved into our new home. It's been a crazy CRAZY week so far. We had the wonderful help of family on Monday as we carted all our stuff-where it all came from I have no idea- from the apartment to our new house. My it was backbreaking to say the least. I guess everytime you move you forget how hard it is, kind of like giving birth right? Nah, I still remember everything about that :)
Oliver was a champ as always and did pretty well except for the evening, poor thing. Our move lasted from when we got up - last minute packing of kitchen items, and running to pick up the moving truck, and then proceeded up until around 11 at night. In between fighting some rain storms, and then when we arrived at our house laying down blankets to put our stuff on, it was crazy. Yes the blankets were needed because our carpet had been cleaned and it was still wet! So that was another added twist to our day.
I think it was so much harder this time because I couldn't do as much, and what I did do was so tiring since I was in between nursing and going on little sleep. Oliver is thriving and gaining so well, but he nurses about every 3 hours, which means little sleep for me and Jonah. I love nursing him and really am thankful he's such a great eater :) I keep reminding myself this is only a small season in my life, and what a great healthy choice for him.
We celebrated our six week milestone as well. Oliver is six weeks already! I am six weeks recovered too, and feel so much better even from last week. Maybe all those flights of stairs I went up and down during moving day helped me out. But it has flown by so quickly, and is filled with many memories and photos. I'm so glad we took so many pics and videos those first couple weeks because already he's changed and has gotten bigger!
So we are in our new place, new life and I'm very thankful for how God has abundantly blessed us. I know I complain sometimes of the work and tiredness but I am so very very grateful for everything I have. Now to unpack the boxes that await me...

Fourth

2010-07-06T10:56:00.001-04:00

I'm so thankful that I was born in America. It's not something I chose but where God placed me. I think about others in foreign lands that don't have the same privileges I do. Freedom. The word makes me stop and give thanks. To those that fought for it, for my sake and those that live in the US of A. It's easy to take it for granted, I know. I've never personally had to engage in active war or hide from terrorists or dictators. I've never had to hide the Bible or what I believe in...That statement alone makes me even more thoughtful. If I've never had to hide it, why am I not more open to sharing it with others? I'm ashamed at myself and how isolated I make myself. I guess this is a rabbit trail that I don't need to take right now. But it's something that is definitely in my heart and something I will come back to at another time.
But for the fourth we went to church, then to a church cookout afterwards. It was Oliver's first church event and he slept like a champ. I only had to leave service at the end to feed him, otherwise he did great. I do love my sling, he sleeps curled up in it, plus it prevents others from touching his face and hands- yes I'm a little paranoid.

But Oliver's aunt gave him a fourth outfit, so we had to take some pictures! No fireworks for Oliver this year, but Jonah and I did get to see our own little show from the balcony of our apartment! From the east and west we saw different displays- it was so clear we had a great view and we didn't have to leave home! Next year will be different, that will be fun with a one year old!

One month

2010-07-02T21:01:00.000-04:00

Our Oliver is one month old today!

Mommyhood

2010-06-30T13:44:00.000-04:00

Today I took Oliver out all by myself. Jonah has been home with me this summer since he is a teacher he has the whole summer off. It's been wonderful, and I realize how blessed I am to have him with me since most people have to have one spouse go back to work within a couple weeks. I know the Lord worked it out this way and I am forever grateful!
I have been careful about lifting too much weight so Jonah has been the one to tote our little boy in his carseat. This time I was determined to do it myself, allbeit slowly, but just to be sure I could handle the entire trip by myself. We headed out to the grand store of Wallyworld- Walmart. And I managed to shop and carry the carseat- to a nearby cart! Oliver did okay, but started fussing in the store so I ended up taking him out and carrying him in my arm, while pulling the cart. It was only a trip for a few things, thankfully or I would have put him in my sling. He did much better when I was holding him, so it was a successful trip for us both. I was nervous about being alone with him but it was fun!
I love love love being Oliver's mom. I told that to Jonah last night and he agreed he loves being not just a dad but Oliver's dad. It is truly so much fun, and so rewarding. He is almost a month old (this Friday) and has grown and filled our hearts up. I love getting to know him and I have become accustomed to his ways. My heart is still hurting when I think about someone else watching him- even if it's only 3 days a week when I start back to work in August.
My prayers have been for me to find a way to provide some income for us, without having to have someone watch him. I am praying for peace about going back to work and for strength to get through it. I cried the other night and told Jonah I didn't want to go back to work, and that I didn't think I could. But what choice do we have right now? I don't see another way financially for us to make it. All the more reason to drive us to pay off our remaining debt- student loans as quickly as we can. I can't help but think that I would be able to be home with him if I had never taken out the loans for college. Why do people ever take out loans? I advise everyone I can not to do it...because years down the road you will probably regret it. Money should never be a reason for preventing you from your hearts desire of being at home with your baby.
So I'm determined to do what I can to increase my sales on Etsy...making new products, for at least that will bring a little money in. We are also in the process of starting a new business pursuit, I will have to post about when we become more organized and solid.
I know that there is a definitely a way for us to make money freelancing since we are both designers, artists and photographers. Thankful for that!
Now just to find the energy to do all these things! I think right now that's the challenge for me. The 2a.m. feedings are certainly catching up to me....I'll be more rested when Oliver sleeps through the night. But I know this is a small season in my life and I am more than willing to enjoy these feedings for Oliver. I really do enjoy nursing him and watching him, and listening to his little coos and sighs of content.
Being a mom is so rewarding...and I've only just begun!

Fathers Day

2010-06-20T18:18:00.001-04:00

Today was Jonah's first fathers day! What a special day to celebrate. I love my dad and I'm so thankful for him- he is actually going through a lot today due to a kidney stone passing through him. My heart and prayers go out to him since I know it's the equivalent of labor for a man. But this fathers day has made me realize how much more I'm thankful for him as I've been watching Jonah as a dad. He is an amazing father, and has been such a joy to watch with Oliver. It's so natural for him, like second nature. I never really knew what it would be like with us as parents, but watching Jonah and realizing all those years ago that my dad went through many similar experiences has made me appreciate this special day even more.

For a gift I had Oliver help me make a special surprise for Jonah. It wasn't easy to get Oliver's little hand prints on this! I used watercolors and painted his little palms and carefully pressed them on here (this is attempt number 2), he was sleeping when I did this! But in the end I wanted Jonah to have a special print for his desk for work. This was one of the many we took when Oliver was 8 days old. He's now 18 days! My time is flying by!

Learning

2010-06-15T18:08:00.000-04:00

Well here we are at about 2 weeks already. Today we had another well visit with the pediatrician and Oliver is doing fabulous. He is over his birth weight now, and he's grown a little over an inch. Already? I didn't know babies grew that fast! We are so happy he's doing so well though and eating plenty. I was concerned about him getting enough to eat since I nurse, but apparently no worries.
What are my thoughts now that we have been with our little boy for two weeks? My where to start.
First of all breastfeeding is really a challenge- and not the latching on part. I was blessed with a good eater and he almost immediately figured out the latching thing. We are still learning but he's doing great. I think just the time it takes and the lack of sleep and the hormone changes are throwing me for a loop. I don't quite feel myself yet- and I am certain it's being tired, somewhat moody, and busy. Busy taking care of him. It is certainly a round the clock thing, which I guess you don't really sit and think about beforehand. Infants are lots of work, but so sweet. We have been waiting to try and schedule him until after he reached his birthweight...so this will be a new challenge!
I'm really learning how to let things 'slide' too. At least not freaking out about the little things, like laundry to be done or cleaning to finish. I think pregnancy prepared me for this- towards the end I didn't feel like doing much. Jonah has been such a help though in all the little things. I am amazed at how well he just took over all the duties I couldn't do. Meals, cleaning, dishes, diaper changes, constantly attending to me and Oliver, I just can't get over how much of a loving help he has been. A c-section has proved to be a lot more recovery time than I anticipated. I guess I didn't really think about it too much, which was a good thing, before I had it done. But I am so thankful that each day I feel stronger and able to do more. The hardest part of everything was not being able to help out as much as I'd like to. But then again, I needed the rest- still do.
I'm finding out that napping is a huge thing on my part. Everyone says sleep when the baby sleeps, and while I don't every time, I have been getting a good solid nap in each day. It's amazing how soundly I can sleep in those hours!
It's so different having a baby at home. No longer are you just two, but three and it changes your world. I love our sweet boy, but I am looking forward to a little more rest! I wonder if that will happen? I am looking forward to so many things in his life too. Like when he will start to laugh or talk back to us, or call us mommy and daddy.
Parenting is a new experience, an unchartered territory, but so much fun too. I love seeing Oliver smile and learn new things, and it's only just begun.

Oliver's photoshoot

2010-06-13T17:48:00.000-04:00

Jonah and I are photographers by hobby and have done several paid shoots for people, so of course we are going to have a photoshoot with our own son! We wanted to get one in before he was a week old but managed to get one on day 8- close enough. After a couple poops, pees and a few blankets for the laundry we managed to end up with many many shots that we love. Here are a few from the shoot, isn't he precious!

Love abundantly

2010-06-09T17:34:00.000-04:00

Here we are at one week old already. I have to say as the days tick by days and nights are blended together as we adjust to Oliver's feedings, burpings, diaper changes and loving. I had no idea how it would be to have our own baby, our own flesh and blood. And while I carried him for nine months, nothing prepared me for the kind of overwhelming love I would feel for this tiny person. How much love can a person give? I love my family and my dear wonderful husband, I love my God, but this is another kind. I can kind of see a small glimpse of God's love for us and it makes me cry. Joyful tears, grateful tears. I am in awe of this little gift from God and I have to pinch myself and ask if he's real.
It was an adjustment. That first day was surreal, one moment he was in me the next his cries filled the room and I met him, and he met me and Jonah. Hello son, welcome to this big world, what now?
My heart has expanded in one week to change me for a lifetime. I always heard how much a baby changes everything, but didn't expect it to change my heart so much, for so much good. We are humbled to be his parents and raise him up to follow God with a passion and love. To know God and how much he loves us. An overwhelming, never ending, deep as the ocean kind of love.
I don't want to forget these first days, and how precious they are. A time of discovery and growth for all of us. Keep our hearts tender like they are now.

Sweet Oliver, how much you are loved.

Day 6

2010-06-08T20:53:00.000-04:00

We are loving our little Oliver. He is so precious and sweet! How much our lives have changed. It's been 6 days now since he's been born and it has passed so quickly. We love just hanging out with him at home. We love love love laying him on our chests and having some skin to skin time with his warm little body and gentle little breathing and cooing it's truly heavenly.
His sweet little face and attentive gaze are engraved in our hearts. He knows us and we have only just begun. He knew our voices from the first moments after he was born. After hearing us for so many months he knew us. How amazing that God made him that way, able to recognize his mom and dad.
We love learning about our little boy and all the things that he likes and I know we have so many more days to look forward to.
His first doctors appt. was today and he did great. He is almost back to his birthweight and we are sooo glad. He's such a good eater. He breastfed that first hour after birth and has been doing great ever since. I'm so thankful for that, since it was a desire of mine to breastfeed exclusively and it's a blessing it's been going so well. I love the moments we spend together just him and I, while he blissfully fills his belly and lets out these little sighs of contentment. It's truly precious.

I am loving being his mommy and I know Jonah is loving being his daddy. And he is a natural too, taking care of his son is second nature. Our little Oliver, we love you!

Oliver Quinn

2010-06-07T21:10:00.001-04:00

Here we are at day 6 of Jonah, I and Oliver. We have been home now for two days- since I we were released on Saturday. What a wonderful thing to be home with our boy! We were soooo ready to be gone from the hospital and from the neverending nurses and such. It was nice to call and get whatever we needed but we were ready to go. Oh yes, our son's name!
His name is Oliver Quinn, and he was born via emergency c-section on June 2 and 2:06 p.m. He weighed in at 7lbs. 10 oz. and was 19.5" long. How do I remember all those details when I can't even remember what I did an hour ago? I think it's that built in mommy radar that will forever record things about our son. Looking back it's crazy how fast everything has happened. I am still receiving pregnancy week emails telling me to prepare for labor and how week 40 is, and it's so funny to me to think we made it through the birth, the big moment we have been counting down for so long. It's so amazing to have our son here with us, and regardless of the fact that I had big plans for a natural birth, God's ways are not always my ways. I am in pain from it, it wasn't an easy little procedure, but I know that this was God's planning all along. Hearing his first cries brought tears to my own eyes-I was finally hearing our son, the waited for little gift! When he was born Jonah was able to take pictures throughout the whole surgery, which I thought would be kinda gory to look at, but I am so glad to watch it all, since they put a sheet up in front of me. I was able to see everything, and he was pulled out of me butt first! I also did get to experience part of real labor, since I was contracting all morning and reached 3 cent. before surgery. My those pains hurt! After the doctor broke my water it got even worse, and I remember that I couldn't wait for the anesthesia (epidural) to happen so I could get some relief. What a wimp I was! Would I have made it all the way if it was safe for me to naturally deliver? Jonah believes I would have, but it would have been a long hard wait til baby was born! I am so glad that he and I were able to take our birthing classes and be so well informed about everything taking place in labor, it truly eased my mind and fears just about not knowing. My doctor also assured me next time around I could certainly try for a natural delivery again with no problems.
I was thinking all this time that our son needed to turn so he wouldn't be breech and I wouldn't need a c-section, but in the end guess what? It was okay, and he's here safe and sound in our arms and filling our hearts.
We also found out during the c-section that his cord had somehow wrapped around into a huge knot, which may have made a natural birth complicated very quickly. Isn't it amazing how God knew this and perhaps that's why our son never turned- it could have been dangerous for him. Praise God for His ways.

And not to end without some new beautiful pictures, Here is our little Oliver, which means peace, and my how peaceful he is!

Welcome to the world!

2010-06-03T00:25:00.000-04:00

He is here! I can't believe it, today was such a whirlwind day. We had our doctor appt. scheduled for late this afternoon which would tell us if he had turned or not, and I ended up starting my day with contractions. I went into work, since it was my last day before maternity leave and sent Jonah back home to grab our bags for us since my contractions were definitely not Braxton Hicks. After calling my doctor and being told to head to the hospital we did....not really knowing today would be the day.
I had the nurses check his position, praying for a turn, and they told us yes he was head down...We were thrilled and ready to labor naturally to delivery... Until my doctor came by and double checked with an ultrasound herself. This was after she had broken my water to be sure of his position (I was dilated at a 3). And to our shock he was still breech. So in the end it was kind of up and down since we were praising the Lord for a turn, but ended up he didn't turn.
After that we pretty much went straight to the operating table for a c section. I think because it was so fast I didn't have a lot of time to think, hey I'm about to meet our son. Since we were thinking we wouldn't actually meet him til the weekend.
But there we were together in surgery, and Jonah was able to take photos and be there to see his son enter the world. I saw the photos too, of the whole thing and it didn't scare me or make me queasy. It was actually pretty neat. He came out butt first! How funny was that!
But the first time I saw him he was so perfect and pink and clean and so beautiful. It's amazzzing to finally meet this little one that was curled up in my womb all these months. I am still baffled that he fit in there, sure was squooshed up!
But he is here and I can here him breathing next to me, so grateful for him, for my loving husband (who is handling everything like a pro, even the diaper changes) and for this gift. God truly worked out everything again and I can't look back with regrets because I know how much these moments have been prayed for.
Oh yes his name, I will share that next time and hopefully more details, right now I'm avoiding too many keys on the keyboard since it's just balanced to not hurt me!

What a blessing it is to meet him though after all this time, and on his own schedule!

Almost there!

2010-05-29T07:45:00.000-04:00

We are now at 39 weeks! How exciting! Looking back I remember thinking how terrified I would be at this point, about to give birth. But you know what? I'm sooo ready to meet him now. I really believe God prepares you throughout to be ready- but really in the end too!
The uncomfortableness, the lack of sleep, the general weight your carrying make you more than ready to be done with being pregnant. I have more pains now than I ever did in the pregnancy, just from the weight of him.
Rolling over at night is quite an effort, but I do it numerous times since my hips start hurting- then I have to get up to go to the bathroom, it's a whole circle that continues many times.
Bending over is of course a challenge- I have to bend knees down and kind of lean sideways to attempt picking up things- and then I get so disappointed if I miss the item and have to try again! I've given up many times just for the sheer workout of it all!
I'm ready to be able to move a little easier, and sleep- while I know it will be a while for that last one.
And I'm so thrilled to see our son! We both are, and are eagerly looking forward to his arrival. Right now we are still praying for him to turn, and if he doesn't by next Friday at 9 a.m., we'll be meeting him for sure. Otherwise, I could go into labor over the next week, we'll see. I'm not trying, but my body sure is getting ready. Oh what a fun journey it's been, and now we get to start a brand new one, how much fun it will be!

Thanks be to God

2010-05-28T08:09:00.000-04:00

I have been just awful these past couple days and I'm without excuse. I understand that being 9 months pregnant can often 'warrant' being uncomfortable and moody with women. But I have really strived not to become like that, and lately I have just been a bit out of control with my moodiness and discomfort. For that I've apologized to Jonah for, since he is getting the brunt of it.
I also have to stop and breathe and see what exactly is going on with me spiritually. And there is where I fail. I haven't made God my priority and I'm ashamed of that. Heavenly, Majestic, Holy Lord, who ordained and created this child of ours. It's Him who knitted together the secret parts of him.
I was reading a devotional this morning from Daily in the Word and this part really stuck out to me and made me want to remember it, so I thought I'd share it here, so I am reminded....

The veil-tearing shows us today that any and all persons who desire to know God can. No veil separates God from man now. We are all free to accept His gift of salvation and to enter His presence. Oh how the Jewish people longed to enter God's presence before Christ's death. Many faithful believers died without ever meeting with God, yet how often do we take for granted our free access to His throne? How often do we brush off entering the presence of God Almighty as a trifling matter? You have direct access to God anytime you desire. The veil of separation between you and the Creator or the world has been torn. Thank God for the ability to approach His throne! Don't take for granted the privilege you have been given. Humbly enter God's presence each day and thank Him for the work He did on Calvary to tear the veil in two.