Mommyhood

Today I took Oliver out all by myself. Jonah has been home with me this summer since he is a teacher he has the whole summer off. It's been wonderful, and I realize how blessed I am to have him with me since most people have to have one spouse go back to work within a couple weeks. I know the Lord worked it out this way and I am forever grateful!
I have been careful about lifting too much weight so Jonah has been the one to tote our little boy in his carseat. This time I was determined to do it myself, allbeit slowly, but just to be sure I could handle the entire trip by myself. We headed out to the grand store of Wallyworld- Walmart. And I managed to shop and carry the carseat- to a nearby cart! Oliver did okay, but started fussing in the store so I ended up taking him out and carrying him in my arm, while pulling the cart. It was only a trip for a few things, thankfully or I would have put him in my sling.  He did much better when I was holding him, so it was a successful trip for us both. I was nervous about being alone with him but it was fun!
I love love love being Oliver's mom. I told that to Jonah last night and he agreed he loves being not just a dad but Oliver's dad. It is truly so much fun, and so rewarding. He is almost a month old (this Friday) and has grown and filled our hearts up. I love getting to know him and I have become accustomed to his ways. My heart is still hurting when I think about someone else watching him- even if it's only 3 days a week when I start back to work in August.
My prayers have been for me to find a way to provide some income for us, without having to have someone watch him. I am praying for peace about going back to work and for strength to get through it. I cried the other night and told Jonah I didn't want to go back to work, and that I didn't think I could. But what choice do we have right now? I don't see another way financially for us to make it. All the more reason to drive us to pay off our remaining debt- student loans as quickly as we can. I can't help but think that I would be able to be home with him if I had never taken out the loans for college. Why do people ever take out loans? I advise everyone I can not to do it...because years down the road you will probably regret it. Money should never be a reason for preventing you from your hearts desire of being at home with your baby.
So I'm determined to do what I can to increase my sales on Etsy...making new products, for at least that will bring a little money in. We are also in the process of starting a new business pursuit, I will have to post about when we become more organized and solid.
I know that there is a definitely a way for us to make money freelancing since we are both designers, artists and photographers. Thankful for that!
Now just to find the energy to do all these things! I think right now that's the challenge for me. The 2a.m. feedings are certainly catching up to me....I'll be more rested when Oliver sleeps through the night. But I know this is a small season in my life and I am more than willing to enjoy these feedings for Oliver. I really do enjoy nursing him and watching him, and listening to his little coos and sighs of content.
Being a mom is so rewarding...and I've only just begun!