Still

I have a tendency to go overboard with things.
Things that I love, things I'm passionate about, things that I really want to be a part of. I think my eagerness to dive in sometimes takes me in waters up over my head. You know when your swimming in the deep end of the pool and how refreshing it feels in the beginning? In time if you don't head for shallow land you get tired, and you start struggling to keep your head up.
I feel like that right now. I've dived into some passions and thoroughly enjoyed the refreshing and fulfilling waters from them. But I think I've been in the deep end too long, I need rest. I need simplicity, for a short while again.
Staying at home with Oliver has been so wonderful for sooo many reasons, one being it's right where I know I am supposed to be. There is a peace and assurance in this decision.
With this though, there was much opportunity to tackle other passions that have not had a chance with my work life. Photography, cooking, sewing, creating, writing.
All of these are parts of me that make me tick, make me excited, make me feel like me.
But I jumped in at once, and while it was wonderful at first, I feel like I am getting that burnt out feeling.
Too much!
Rest.
Thats a hard word to me. It means stopping, slowing down, being still. I'm not sure why, but my mind seems to take off in so many different directions that I have a hard time being quiet. Being still.
I take time each day to read in my Bible, to pray over the day. But I know it's not enough.
In our small group we have been talking about making time to go and be still, to be quiet and alone with God. It keeps coming back to mind now as I go through each day trying to get the never ending checklist done. I am losing that closeness to God and I can clearly see that it's me- not Him- that chooses this.
Being still takes an effort- a conscious one. I need to choose when and where I will. And it's hard to do, because I will have to turn off everything else. No cleaning, no cooking, no emailing, no grocery shopping, no playing with Oliver, no phone calls, no this that and all the rest...
Why is it so hard to plan this time? I think that fight alone gives me enough reason to plan it. I think Satan knows how much we need time with our Lord. We need to hear from Him, and in the stillness- we will.
My challenge to me, as we embark on another school year, another crazy schedule, is to not be sooo busy with me myself and I. To make a conscious effort to be still, to allow myself time to be alone, because if I can't be the one God wants me to be, I can't be the wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend that others need. Isn't that the truth?