Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Teaching...well kind of

It was not so bad.
Really rather easy.
Well...I say that kind of jokingly because it was easy for me being a sub, not a teacher. Being the teacher means you are the one preparing everything for the class, being the sub means you are the one following what the teacher already prepared. And any nervousness I felt was eased after much prayer. I know God was with me, and continues to be.
Yesterday for my first class, my husband graciously went in with me to introduce me and lay down some rules for the kids seeing how they were a more 'energetic' class. Having him there that first day helped tremendously and I found my confidence.
And it really is more like watching than it is teaching. I'm there to help if needed but for the most part the kids are working on projects at their own pace.
Today was day two and it went well. Only a couple more days! And Oliver is doing great, as he was at home today with a friend to watch him. What a blessing it is to have friends available to watch our little guy. They may not realize it but what a help they are to us! I made one of my friends one of my latest projects that I'm selling on Etsy- barrettes. And I plan to make another one for my other friend that is watching Oliver. I love how they are turning out and I have sold one so far,  which is exciting- thank you God for each little drop in the bucket! You can see them here if you'd like to check out what I've posted so far. I have plans to make more, but we'll see how that goes. This week has been busy with me working and we plan to go visit family over the weekend so I don't know how ambitious I can be with adding new projects to my list.
I also had a chance to finish another fabric toy for a friend that just had a baby girl. This time I added a jingle bell in it so that it jingles along as you pick it up or roll it. I love how this one came out! Here's a photo of the ball:

I have really enjoyed making things with my hands. There is something about touching fabrics and seeing the colors come together right before you eyes that is very satisfying. It makes me wonder if I would have done better in school if I had been taught with more visual, hands on examples.
I also wonder if Oliver will learn better with books and words or with shapes and colors. A visual learner like me? Or a very disciplined scholar like his daddy?
I hope to provide a well rounded education for him either way, and I'm not sure if that means homeschooling or not. We have yet to make that decision.
Either way, I am loving all the creative projects as of late and I'm still seeking God for balance with my time. I've found that the evenings (when Oliver is in bed) are usually a good time to work on fabric things as I have to take out a huge container of items that little hands would love to get into.
I'm not sure where this newfound/evolving hobby will go. Maybe nowhere! Maybe it's just a hobby.
I do know I love making gifts for others. It's so much fun to watch them open a gift you know you spent hours on, and you know that they will really appreciate. So satisfying.
I better go for now, even though I put Oliver down for a later nap today (grocery shopping after work, so it was a long day) I can hear him talking and kicking and moving all over in his crib. Someone is not taking a nap, that's for sure! Oh dear, I hope he isn't outgrowing his second nap already!!

Monday, August 29, 2011


I am back to work this week!
I'm nervous about it all because I am actually going in as a substitute. I've never taught a day in my life, so this is certainly a little unnerving. I have always admired others that are able to walk in front of people and well speak.
I am not a natural in front of crowds. In fact I'm more of a hermit. I like to close my mouth and just watch and listen.
I guess that won't work out so well for me tomorrow?
I guess I will have to speak!
This is just one more way that God is stepping in, taking care of us, and stretching me in the process.
I have loved being home with Oliver, loved it! It is such a joy to be right where you know you are called to be. In this faith journey of quitting my full time job, I knew I would be open to opportunities for income as they came up. Even though I will be away from Oliver for a short time this week, it couldn't have worked out better. I am working only half days for a few days and God has graciously been relieving all my fears.
I did not eagerly jump at the chance to be a substitute. I get pretty nervous in front of people, generally large groups of kids, so it wasn't an immediate 'why yes!' I am in awe of my husband that has so much confidence in front of crowds, in front of groups, and kids. He can speak with authority and earn the respect from those listening. This is a God given gift, something that does not come easily to many! I am so proud of him and how much he has grown in his role of teacher and leader.
But as for the job... I prayed about it and I realized that I was willing to do this. I was willing to let the Lord stretch me in this area, because thats exactly what I felt I needed. Being home with Oliver has made me realize how much I am a teacher. Not a classroom, textbook one, but an everyday one. What can I learn during these days in a classroom that I will apply at home with my little one? What does God want me to learn? These are the very thoughts that made me come to the decision of yes. And, it also provides income we can use. So here we go!
I am thankful that God brought this into our lives, thankful that Jonah had my full support if I said yes or no. And so thankful for friends that are willing to watch our little boy for a few hours, free of charge. Now that is how God takes care of us. Always in the details, always caring about every little thing.
And speaking of our little one....

He was watching me take some photos outside today and was not happy about being behind the glass door. Oh sweet boy. Even when he's naughty and crying he makes me laugh at his antics. He went from having his hands on the glass to his face, and his cheeks, his nose, and even his mouth was open with his lips and tongue pressed on the glass at one point!
I love my men, and I am sooo thankful for them!

Monday, August 22, 2011


I knew it was coming.
Oliver has been becoming braver and braver with his steps.
Yesterday he was 'taking off' on multiple occasions, from our ottoman to a toy, from a toy to a chair, from Jonah to our ottoman....and on it goes. He was so funny to watch! Even though he missed his regular naps (church) he was so wound up from his newfound freedom. Our sweet boy is getting so big.
Soon those rolly thighs will be gone, and replaced with leaner boyish legs. Sigh. All too fast are these baby days!!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

juice for Oliver

Today's shopping trip was a little simpler than last weekends. I picked up a few toiletries and some other foods we ran out of like yogurt and milk. I still had to split my trip between a few stores, CVS being one of them. I have been taking advantage of their Extra Care Bucks by only buying things that offer them, and that I can also match a coupon with. This is the best way to save a lot at pharmacy. Their normal prices are never usually worth it as they seem to price things a lot higher than any other store. But using their reward system can be like getting some things for free.
Actually I did get some things for free today! They have a machine in CVS that lets you scan your card (you have to have this little Extra Care Bucks reward card to scan and use at every purchase) and it prints out coupons for you. This time it printed out two free items, one a pack of CVS brand bandaids, and one candy bar- Caramello. As it turned out they didn't carry that kind of candybar, so I was able to pick any Hershey brand bar and use the coupon. Since I rarely buy candybars, or candy for that matter, it was nice to have my pick. Literally like a kid in a candy store! I chose a dark chocolate bar. Yum. I'll be sharing it with Jonah....well maybe :)
I know that it can be overwhelming when you start out, to try to figure out the saving, coupon and CVS thing, but it was worth it to us when I can save on things like deodorant, feminine products, shampoos and mascara. Who really wants to pay full price for those anyways? We use them so often it's worth the effort on my part.
But my trips today were Oliver free as Jonah was home with him for me. It was an easier trip because of this, not having to tote Oliver in and out of the cart and into the blazing hot heat we've been having today. (thankfully it's raining now and will hopefully cool things down!)
My bargain deal today was at Kroger. I was walking down the natural food section and I saw a discount label on organic juices for kids. I looked closer and realized they were clearancing it out for good. The regular price was around $5 per bottle and they were marked at $1.57!
I haven't really given Oliver juice, just water and milk, and every now and then some really watered down orange juice. I wasn't crazy about giving him sugar. But these were made to be first juices and the ingredients were purely fruits and vegetables. (carrots, bananas, and apples) What a great deal! I bought all four that were left on the shelf.

Plus when I went to check out they rang up at regular price- so I asked if I could go double check the tag to be sure I was correct on the discount and item. The checkout lady didn't believe that they were discounted, but I checked and they were- even after they had another worker come check too. I've really learned to be bolder when it comes to sales. I'm not afraid to check and double check if I don't get the discount I had planned for, and I'm not afraid (usually, still learning) to put the item BACK if I was wrong.
That's the tough part.
In fact I did the exact opposite the other day in the thrift store. I really shouldn't have even gone in. But I did, it was hot out, and I was killing a little time before we headed to meet Jonah for lunch. My buy? A portable charcoal grill by Charbroil. I payed around $16 for it, only because when I put it in the cart I thought a certain color was half price- including the grill. When I got to the checkout I realized I had been told the wrong color by a sales associate in the store. Darn. So I payed full price, even after I had talked with Jonah about it- we agreed we wouldn't spend more than $10. So there you go. I'm still weak when it comes to making the best decision all the time. And now, I'm going to see if I can sell it on Craigslist, because when I opened the box at home, I realized it was brand new in it's original packaging. Wow, pretty nice.
But in the long run we really try to stretch our dollars as far as they can go since we don't have many of them!
God knows my heart, and He knows I desire to be wise with our budget and groceries and purchases, and He knows how hard I'm trying and that I still fail. For that I am thankful, because I know He owns everything that goes through our hands and I don't have to fear anything resting in His provision. Even if we don't have a grill if we sell this one, He'll provide a way for us to grill those steaks we have in our freezer (from our 1/8 cow share).

Friday, August 19, 2011


I love this boy.

milk guzzler extraordinaire.
even though you make big messes.
I love the funny little things you do, like trying to 'blow' up this beachball.
my little thumbsucker.
How much I am loving these days at home with our boy.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

the weekend

So this weekend was busy, and we thought maybe it would be a costly one too.
First I planned out my grocery trip using my list from my 2 week meal plan. I then figured out how much I thought we'd spend overall. This was after I had researched what was on sale at the stores I would shop at, and what coupons I would be able to use for items on my list. Normally I would not want to spend time shopping at various stores, but because we live sooo close to 2, and because Jonah was home with Oliver, it was worth the travel to different stores. I also recently discovered the joy of Aldis. If you have an Aldi near you I would encourage you to go see what they sell. We've found some great items there with good quality (and few) ingredients on their labels. And the price was great, lower than our other grocery stores. Some great items I picked up included olive oil, cinnamon, fish (wild caught and frozen) and juice for great deals, which is their everyday price. It saved us a lot overall by adding that store into our regular shopping trips. We don't go there as often though since it's a little more of a drive.
But my estimate was around $100 for the two weeks of groceries, and guess what? I came in under that. Around $96. Amazing to me!
Really knowing where you can find things at the best price and not being willing to compromise, or by being flexible enough to rework some items in your meal plan is helpful.
I also was able to use some items we already had at home, so I didn't have to buy absolutely everything.
I may not have had a ton of coupons either, but by shopping smart I was able to get some good deals. And by deals I mean in season, or on sale items. Aldi's doesn't take coupons since all their items are their own brand, but the prices there are so low it's still worth it to add it into your trip.
After my outing, I came home to help Jonah with our washing machine. The day before it seemed to just stop after a cycle and wouldn't drain out and finish. So after some searches online for our model, my handy husband figured out how to take it apart and what pieces to search for the problem. I am amazed at how much we learned by doing this, and how relatively simple it turned out to be.
Thinking it was a clogged drain, or possibly a broken pump, we were prepared to pay for something new. After finding out the drains were not clogged (and several soaking towels later) Jonah popped out the pump to discover a wire was stuck in it. You know what that wire was?
My underwire.
Yah, I never really thought about that happening.
After a little 'ping' noise, the wire popped out and we thought that surely that wasn't the reason the whole machine wasn't working. Surely the pump must have quit, right?
After thinking this through we decided we'd at least try to put it all back together and see if it would run now. This decision was made while we were in the process of almost ordering a new pump.
I had been praying it would be a relatively simple fix and nothing too costly.
Guess what? It worked! It really was just a little wire stuck in the pump system in such a way that it couldn't turn and push the water out.
I am so grateful for how God took care of us in this situation! It's a small thing to some, but when you are living on little (in means of money) every little thing matters, and God reassured us of His provision.
I am seeing this more and more, and when I want to waver and doubt I give it up to Him again, asking for that assurance of His provision, and He answers.
I've started a list of ways He's provided and I can't wait to look back on it in a year. It's so encouraging and continually reassures me of our decison for me to stay home with Oliver.
Speaking of Oliver, today I found him sleeping in such a sweet pose during his nap. I snapped a picture of him, so that I wouldn't forget. Ahh sweet boy, how much we love this little guy!

both of his hands are up by his face, so sweet

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Meal planning and chalks

precious kisses from Oliver!
Today I went back to my scheduling. This makes it what day 3?  Well thats a record for me.
Just kidding... kind of.
I had it in my mind today that I was going to do the one thing that I am horrible at- meal planning.
Some women are so wonderful at this. They love love love getting into charts and lists and little details.
Me on the other hand, well I would rather have a book of images to browse through and choose what we'll eat that way (hence, go to the store and buy for the week by what I see then make meals at home, which equals another trip to the store to pick up a couple things I missed....and so on).
I'm such a visual person. I guess thats why I loved Pinterest almost immediately, it's so inspiring and feeds into my way of learning and thinking.
But thats another post to come.
So, for meal planning, I have figured out that I love to buy what is in season first- which means half of our groceries each week are produce. I like to make meals that are nutritious, whole foods based which means not using processed and refined foods.
Now I am not 100% unprocessed. We still buy condiments, salad dressings, pastas and breads, and a variety of other things. But I have learned to be conscientious about what the ingredient list is, and this helps me narrow down our choices even further, because I opt for things that don't have heaps of sugar, high fructose corn syrup, lots of soy product and weird chemicals. We are not all organic. Hardly. If I could swing more organic items into our weekly groceries I would in a heartbeat, but I am okay with buying seasonally for our foods because it has the most nutritional value anyways. Yes maybe some pesticides too, but I have realized I have to compromise somewhere and right now in this season in our lives it's going to be there.
I have realized how quickly you can be obsessed with food choices when you switch to more wholefood all natural items. The more you learn about food, where it comes from, how it's made can completely consume you. I have to take baby steps in this area, pray for wisdom in the decisions I do make, and guard my eyes, and time in the matter.
With that being said, I sat down and made a point of finishing this huge chore! I prayed my way through it too, knowing I have a tendency to get discouraged and overwhelmed at the task before me.
Soooo, what did I end up doing?
My first item was to organize my menu binder I keep in my kitchen. It's a 3 ring binder that holds printed recipes that I know we like and I know I'll make again. I got this idea from a friend of mine that keeps one in her kitchen for her 2 week rotating meal plans. I liked that idea and saved it for later- and later was today!
my little tabs- I plan to make real tabs, these are just tape
I took some time to type up recipes I had written here and there on scrap sheets, and then decided that my best approach for recipes keeping was to provide seasonal ones. Right now we are in summer so I have an organized book filled with ones I have really liked this summer. I then organized them further to be in categories: chicken, beef, veggies, side dishes, snacks, dessert etc.
My plan is to switch it out with fall recipes as we enter that season, and as the foods change in the store. So, once I had that to my liking I then started on my meal plan. Yes the dreaded meal plan.
Instead of doing a full 2 weeks, I kind of cheated and only did one full week, and plan on doubling the recipes to freeze and eat the next week. Because it took so much time just for one week, I'm glad I did this.
I found a handy dandy little sheet to write out our breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. You can find that here: money saving mom
I used the seven day meal planner that has a square for each category. So handy, and not something I would have come up with myself.
I used my menu book to choose my recipes, and also loved that there was a place for snacks on my list so that I can include this in my grocery shopping. I have a tendency to be a snacker, and Oliver gets one snack a day too, so this was great to think of.
Once my menu was done I then decided to make an itemized grocery list. Are we feeling like we are in home ec class now?

But once I had that done, I was glad to have made it. NOW I can compare what I need to what is on sale in my grocery stores and what coupons I can use to match up to them. Useful sight for that: southern savers. Sorry to all you northerners, I don't think you have the stores listed on this sight. I wish there was something like this for all those that shop in different parts of the country.
Is it all worth it? I am hoping yes. I plan to keep this finished menu and list for future use, when I can rotate it back into our meals. I would like to make another 2 week menu and just swap them back and forth.
I did all this while Oliver was napping. I was also able to get some dusting, vacuuming and mopping done. It's an amazing thing this scheduling stuff.

our beautiful masterpiece
Oliver and I had some creative play with sidewalk chalks! He wasn't so sure about them, but enjoyed being outside, and would occasionally try to eat the chalk. But it was a lot of fun. I haven't used chalks in a very long time! I found a great site that offers little printout sheet for 'tot school' which I am eager to try out. I am trying to be more intentional with our play time together, but without going overboard. He has plenty of time to just play and learn alone too.
I have really been enjoying being home with this little guy. It's challenging, thats for sure. We are working on NO quite often, and it can be tiring when you again have to say no to something that you JUST said no to a minute before. I am praying over each day, and as the weariness sets in and I feel a little undone, I pray again. Truly God is helping me as I train up this little man. And then Jonah comes home. Yah!! It's wonderful when he walks through the door and Oliver smiles adoringly up at him and says, "da da". Precious are these days.
Our little baby is no longer, he's now a boy, a toddler and I am loving this stage. He is so smart and learns so quickly I am amazed to watch it all. No walking yet, for which I am kind of glad. I know that once he gets up on those rolly thighs, the baby-ness will be gone. Savoring these days!

love this boy. please excuse the window that NEEDS to be cleaned!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


I did it.
I sat down and made a schedule.
I searched online for some schedule tips from stay at home moms and I stumbled upon this site. She has jotted out scheduling that has helped her, and she also offers so many valuable tips to organizing things. I added her to my blog feed, grateful to have found a Christian mom that offers her insights.
I also searched google documents for a template. Did you know Google offers this? I have a gmail account so by logging in I have access to many Google things. There are so many different templates to choose from, I wonder why I didn't realize this years ago! There are even home budgeting ones, if you need it.
I thought this was a better option for me versus writing up my schedule in an excel sheet. Being creative, programs like Excel and Microsoft Word really confuse me. I would much rather open Indesign and Illustrator and make something there. But using the Google docs saved me some time, I just found one I liked and plugged in my schedule.
It's still being worked out but I made a loose weekly one, plugging in what I know we do everyday, along with things I need to do and things I would like to do. How is it going? Well, we are kind of at day two and I have already gone off the grid. But I'm happy to have started somewhere. Thats often the hardest part of doing something new.
Yesterday I followed it pretty well. I planned out an activity with Oliver and I even prepped for it, waiting for lunch to be over so we could jump in. I also made some creative time, just to do something with my hands. I loved adding that in, because I actually finished a project! I had time for cleaning, which got done earlier than I thought- wonder of wonders- which made more time for other things on my list. I really do love how much time is freed up when you plan it. It's an amazing thing to me. When I  don't plan it feels like I don't accomplish things. But planning is a learned trait and I'm learning it all the time.
Today started out earlier than yesterday because it was Jonah's first day of school! Up bright and early with him, so I was able to see him off. Being up and having eaten earlier than usual, I was able to rearrange my day already. Laundry was put in, hoping to finish it today. And I had devotions before Oliver got up. Once he was up, since it was still earlier than usual, I felt the need to take a nice walk while the weather wasn't too hot. It was wonderful to do this early in the day, just to enjoy the outdoors and talk with God. I needed that time to keep my mind and heart open to what He is speaking.
And now here I am with some quiet hours before me, while Oliver naps. I think it's time to go see what my schedule is for the day. I have a few changes that need to be made already.
Here are some shots from yesterdays creative endeavors.
For my activity with Oliver, I got out my watercolors and some illustration board. He loved playing in the paints and slapping his hands on the board! This is his very first painting- I love it! I then cut out an elephant shape in some cardstock, to mask the painting. I trimmed it to 8x10 to fit a standard frame, and voila, ready to hang.
For my creative project I found some inspiration on Pinterest (I'll post about that another time) and made a rosette bracelet. Cute, but I think I'll modify it next time! Happy back to school Wednesday!

final piece!
the masked frame final piece!

my bracelet. I love this color!

Monday, August 8, 2011

the stay at home mom

Oh Oliver.
Looks like my hands will be full! (little stinker climbed up while my back was turned)

Last week was the first time I was officially home alone with Oliver as a 'stay at home mom'. My hearts desire was fulfilled so graciously by the Lord. He answered 'yes' to my request after Jonah and I took it to Him in prayer. He answered 'yes' in a very real and big way. It was awesome, and humbled me, to think that He does listen, and He does answer sometimes in a very big way. And He does love us so very much.
Now here I am living it out. Wow! There were moments when my brain kept skipping ahead, thinking I would have to do this or that to prepare for the next day, when I realized that I would be home to actually do that the next day. These moments happened when I thought about Oliver too. That almost too good to be true feeling that I would often dream about in the past, is happening now!
I have so many plans for things I want to teach him, train him, show him.
Now as I am getting into this new role daily, I am finding that there is one problem. No clear schedule yet.
I'm not a big schedule person- at least a very detailed exact one. When it comes to Oliver, I have always worked to keep him on a schedule and I found that this was the very best thing for him. He thrives on it. Consistency is key to happiness.
Clever hmm? I just made that one up. But really I believe it has played a huge part in his content attitude. He knows when he'll eat, when he'll nap, when he'll go to bed.
Now throw me into the equation.
What exactly do my days entail? I haven't been consistent. I have a list of things in my mind that need to be done. I have the everyday things that need to be done too. I have the list of activities I want to do with Oliver. I want to have time just playing with him. But I also want him to know that I won't be able to play all day long.
I didn't realize really how important it was to plan out things. I don't feel productive when I bounce from task to task, and don't get to finish one.
So my goal and prayer for now is to get a daily schedule. To actually write it out loosely and stick to it for at least a week or two. I know this will not only benefit me, but Oliver as well. He'll learn to go with it, just like he did for his own schedule.
Oh organization you kill me.
Perhaps this is one area that God knew I needed to work on, and now it's staring at me in the face!
So my venture begins. I'm thrilled to be there for Oliver. To be there for Jonah. In a very different way than I ever have. Opening these new doors wide open, into faith, learning and motherhood.

Sunday, August 7, 2011


Oliver started sneezing.
Then coughing.
Then a fever.
Sooo, my weekend involved a trip to the library to pick up some new books for him. It's very sad when your little one is sick. You just want to take away any hurt. The sad little cries from him, told both Jonah and I that he wasn't feeling well. I'm not sure if it's teething related or just something he picked up. Either way he wasn't himself- he was actually grumpy and whiny and just wanted to be held.
That is the favorite part. Extra cuddling? Why yes!
I savored the time with him and soaked in the cuddling as it's fewer and farther between these days. He has become sooo much more busy, and vocal, it's all about keeping up with him and letting him exert that energy in his little body.
I picked up several books at the library, but one was so darn cute. It's called "Spoon" and it's about a spoon that has become dissatisfied with his role in life. He envies the other silverware, but in the end comes to realize that his duties are indeed fun- because who else gets to dive into a bowl of icecream? The end punch results in him 'spooning' with his mom and dad. So funny and cute!
I think Oliver really liked it too. We have more books to finish so I'll head off to read to him now- as I'm home with him this Sunday too. 
Praying for this little boy to heal up- he seems to be better today with a slight fever. So he's getting there, thankfullly.
Happy Sunday- another new week ahead!

the spoons family!

(enjoying some juicy and ripe plums!)

Monday, August 1, 2011


I have a tendency to go overboard with things.
Things that I love, things I'm passionate about, things that I really want to be a part of. I think my eagerness to dive in sometimes takes me in waters up over my head. You know when your swimming in the deep end of the pool and how refreshing it feels in the beginning? In time if you don't head for shallow land you get tired, and you start struggling to keep your head up.
I feel like that right now. I've dived into some passions and thoroughly enjoyed the refreshing and fulfilling waters from them. But I think I've been in the deep end too long, I need rest. I need simplicity, for a short while again.
Staying at home with Oliver has been so wonderful for sooo many reasons, one being it's right where I know I am supposed to be. There is a peace and assurance in this decision.
With this though, there was much opportunity to tackle other passions that have not had a chance with my work life. Photography, cooking, sewing, creating, writing.
All of these are parts of me that make me tick, make me excited, make me feel like me.
But I jumped in at once, and while it was wonderful at first, I feel like I am getting that burnt out feeling.
Too much!
Thats a hard word to me. It means stopping, slowing down, being still. I'm not sure why, but my mind seems to take off in so many different directions that I have a hard time being quiet. Being still.
I take time each day to read in my Bible, to pray over the day. But I know it's not enough.
In our small group we have been talking about making time to go and be still, to be quiet and alone with God. It keeps coming back to mind now as I go through each day trying to get the never ending checklist done. I am losing that closeness to God and I can clearly see that it's me- not Him- that chooses this.
Being still takes an effort- a conscious one. I need to choose when and where I will. And it's hard to do, because I will have to turn off everything else. No cleaning, no cooking, no emailing, no grocery shopping, no playing with Oliver, no phone calls, no this that and all the rest...
Why is it so hard to plan this time? I think that fight alone gives me enough reason to plan it. I think Satan knows how much we need time with our Lord. We need to hear from Him, and in the stillness- we will.
My challenge to me, as we embark on another school year, another crazy schedule, is to not be sooo busy with me myself and I. To make a conscious effort to be still, to allow myself time to be alone, because if I can't be the one God wants me to be, I can't be the wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend that others need. Isn't that the truth?